Buck Norris

[Azonic]

‘Buck Norris’ launches new fauna vs biker movie craze

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becomes the most-watched film ever produced in South Africa, local filmmakers say it is time to accept that “people want movies in which animals collide with cyclists”. According to industry insiders, work has already begun on an ambitious re-remake of ‘Jock of the Bushveld’, in which a plucky Staffordshire Bull Terrier is fired out of a circus cannon at a man on a penny-farthing.

 

According to film pundit Barry Alwaise-Wronge, the Youtube clip featuring a red hartebeest launching at Evan van der Spuy, had revolutionized South African film overnight.

 

“Forget big production budgets, we could be saving hundreds of millions of bucks by just braining bikers,” explained Alwaise-Wronge. “That is, saving hundreds of millions of bucks except the odd one that does a hamstring on impact.”

 

Veteran Durban producer U. Feelahki Punkh confirmed that the new version of ‘Jock’ would take “between one and two days to shoot, depending on how accurate the compressed-air cannon is”, and that once it was in the can, work would begin on ‘The Gods Must Be Crazy 3′, in which Khoi-San hunter-gatherers hunt cyclists and gather their shattered helmets by training meerkats to throw empty Coke bottles at passing pelotons.

 

Punkh said it would be a relief to do away with many of the distractions that had held back local films over the years, such as scripts, actors and directors.

 

However, he said the industry needed to prepare itself for a new wave of home-made fauna-vs-biker blockbusters.

 

“Just this morning I was shown a startling Western called ‘Brokebutt Mount ‘Em’, in which two cowboys on a tandem are flattened by a horse,” he said, adding that the new genre was already splitting into niches, including “rodent rage”, in which hamsters are worked into a frenzy until they launch themselves at toddlers on tricycles.

 

Meanwhile the international response to the ‘Buck Norris’ clip has been overwhelming, with Swedish Prime Minister Tüti-Früti Døttirsdøttir saying it was time that Europeans stopped being mocked for believing that dangerous wild animals lurked around every corner of South Africa.

 

“For too long we have been vilified for warning our people about lions in the streets of Johannesburg,” she said. “Now the world knows the truth, a truth we learned from our subscription to Savage Continent Monthly in 1956.”

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