GrumpyOldGuy Posted February 13, 2018 Share So hard..Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than those before.. The messaging doesn't stop. She just keeps sending them through. Like mortars from over the wall, or like a constant barrage from a battering ram at the door. Relentless. Insulting. Accusing.I read but I don't reply.I am not worthy as a father, not a good example to my kids etc etc. Its very hard to read and get on with life.I had to sit with my eldest daughters therapist last week to get some feedback on how she is holding out, and she is having a hard time of things, but what became apparent is how our two parenting styles are so different, and its also indicative of how different we are as people who were in a 11 year marriage. The ex does'nt filter information according to what a 10 year old should be told. She gets the full picture. Which, to my mind is wrong and unfair. It puts me in a very difficult place and if i try and talk to her (the youngest) about it she then feels caught in the middle, which way does she turn. Its all to mature for a 10 year old. She shouldn't be exposed to adult concepts like an accrual claim.. But the ex seems to think that honesty is the best policy, but its wrong in this case. One day at a time. Head up and keep smilingYou are a good man Honk Donk, there is never a need to retaliate or seek vengeance, just let it be, hold your higher ground and dont seek to hurt back,... be like a sponge, just absorb it and let it go. I wish you well. Honkdonk and Spoke101 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilipV Posted February 13, 2018 Share NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDL Posted February 13, 2018 Share So hard..Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than those before.. The messaging doesn't stop. She just keeps sending them through. Like mortars from over the wall, or like a constant barrage from a battering ram at the door. Relentless. Insulting. Accusing.I read but I don't reply.I am not worthy as a father, not a good example to my kids etc etc. Its very hard to read and get on with life.I had to sit with my eldest daughters therapist last week to get some feedback on how she is holding out, and she is having a hard time of things, but what became apparent is how our two parenting styles are so different, and its also indicative of how different we are as people who were in a 11 year marriage. The ex does'nt filter information according to what a 10 year old should be told. She gets the full picture. Which, to my mind is wrong and unfair. It puts me in a very difficult place and if i try and talk to her (the youngest) about it she then feels caught in the middle, which way does she turn. Its all to mature for a 10 year old. She shouldn't be exposed to adult concepts like an accrual claim.. But the ex seems to think that honesty is the best policy, but its wrong in this case. One day at a time. Head up and keep smilingI have been listening recently to Joe Rogan’s podcast. Great entertainment, sometimes really random, but some real nuggets come out. Today he was talking about how, when people are being nasty to you, they are just echoing all of the bad things that have happened in their life, they are not really aimed at you. To be fair, he said it in a way that made sense, but the point was to rather feel sorry for someone who is being horrid to you than to allow them to really hurt you. Patchelicious, Spoke101 and Honkdonk 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stretch Posted February 13, 2018 Share My wife’s best friend is going trough a divorce at the moment. She actually asked if she can move in with us for a few weeks and my wife straight up told her no. Best friend or not, no one needs to deal with that kind of baggage.Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room Escapee.., Mojoman, Patchelicious and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddaman Posted February 13, 2018 Share NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. If she has a skelm, it will only convince you that it is over. Legally, cheating is no longer seen as a grounds to skew a settlement. RSA law has changed to be a bit more, should we say progressive. Now consenting adults trump matrimonial contracts.Morally, exposing her, may give you a warm feeling, and give your son something to ponder over. New Landy new life 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudsimus Posted February 13, 2018 Share Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare roomBut would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddaman Posted February 13, 2018 Share But would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house.Like, who gets to tuck your mate into bed at night and read him/her bedtime stories......... Bloukrans and BigDL 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amberdrake Posted February 13, 2018 Share We offered the spare room to my mate at the time of his separation when things got bad.He never took us up on it, and soon after managed to get the granny flat his parents are renting out.But I wouldn't offer it to all of my friends, some don't have boundaries and would try to stay indefinitely. Edited February 13, 2018 by Amberdrake BigDL and Spoke101 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddaman Posted February 13, 2018 Share We offered the spare room to my mate at the time of his separation when things got bad.He never took us up on it, and soon after managed to get the granny flat his parents are renting out.But I wouldn't offer it to all of my friends, some don't have boundaries and would try to stay indefinitely.BFF = best friend FOREVER and EVER and EVER......... BigDL 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stretch Posted February 13, 2018 Share But would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house.Fair point.. Maybe in an outside room... Place to lay your head really... For a month at least Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudsimus Posted February 13, 2018 Share Fair point.. Maybe in an outside room... Place to lay your head really... For a month at leastOr a tent. My biggest issue with this is that I dont want my kids exposed to it. I even told my wife not to take them with when she visits. All she does the whole time is to talk about what a bad person her ex to be husband is, and what crappy beings men in general are. BigDL 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kranswurm Posted February 13, 2018 Share Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare roomAbsolutely...best mate?....so much for that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Landy new life Posted February 13, 2018 Share Well it seems none of them have a spare room for her for a few months to get back on her feet. I've never met you in person, but wouldn't hesitate lending you a bike if (eg) you needed one for the Argus. Thanks - have a road and mountain bike still - not yet forced to sell either, but thanks for the thought Shebeen BigDL 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Landy new life Posted February 13, 2018 Share My wife’s best friend is going trough a divorce at the moment. She actually asked if she can move in with us for a few weeks and my wife straight up told her no. Best friend or not, no one needs to deal with that kind of baggage.Hope it's not my wife who asked , I don't even know who my wife's best friend is. That's haw far apart we had drifted. Zatopek 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Landy new life Posted February 13, 2018 Share NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. Pretty sure it is a skelem but at this stage I don't really care.Suddenly noticed last year new fancy underwear in her cupboard and coming home at all hours of the morning "out with a friend".It makes no difference to any settlements as I only am liable to maintain my son Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarly Posted February 13, 2018 Share Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room If i know my mates and myself, I'd probably be half the reason they would be getting divorced, and would be obliged to give him a room to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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