Velouria

Retirement is treating me better than I expected. At long last, here is my race report feature @crashtestdummy, @Waldoz, and some guy who used to paddle rather well. http://www.velotales.com/2018/04/the-36one-2018.html

Can you show us this research?

Yup - a marathon lawn bowling session. Big balls all over the place!

No - we have torn up the rule book and, for good measure, I have given up cycling. We tried really hard this year not to win. Under trained, last minute preparations (we only got to Oudtshoorn at 15h15 on Friday, and handed in our boxes with minutes to spare), starting at the back of the start chute etc etc. We even sighed a massive sigh of relief when we saw the PowerBar guys - the same guys who convincingly beat us 5 years ago. Competitive lawn bowls is my new sport.

I pulled a bit of a dirty one on my partner - promised him tea at checkpoint 3, and then when we got there told him there was no time for tea, and that I'd make it up for him when we got back to our B&B. Five kilometres out of the checkpoint and I realised I'd left my legs behind. So much for being in a rush!

Yoh - what a ride by Waldo. While he didn't quite get to the first water point in first place, he made up for that later. We spent about 230kms together, and in that time I went through several emotional states, all directed solely at Waldo. It was fantastic having another person to share the work with, to talk to, and just to break the monotony of the never ending road ahead. But that all changed to hatred and animosity as soon as we hit those false flats - 1 or 2 percent drags that would go on for ever. Waldo's inner demon of death would come out and he would rip our legs off. I had to tap out several times. When I wasn't dying behind Waldo, I was hoping for some proper climbs, or some downhills, or some technical stuff - anything else apart from a false flat! Well done to everyone who started. Just have the tenacity to consider a race like this is an achievement, and to those that finished - excellent job. Those that didn't - I know you'll be back next year stronger and fitter and more determined. Lastly - well done to Dryland once again - another proper event.

We're not competitive at all. We've done this 4 times, and each time we've just ridden our race. We try not to chase wheels. I don't even look at my Garmin till sunrise. We ride at a pace that we both feel comfortable. So far, that's been good enough to win, but we go into this race with zero expectations. We're just two mates going for a long ride, and we'll deal with anything that comes our way. I must admit that I do get a little racey after that last hill on the final leg - I think it's about 40kms to go. Whiteline fever engulfs me for no other reason than I want it all to be over. The faster we ride, the quicker it ends

Can't catch cyclists, but we can catch pigeons: "Traces of the drug Mobistix, a medicine used by humans as a pain-killer, to combat fever and which also prevents inflammation, were found in five of the Belgian birds tested by a South African drugs laboratory, while cocaine was found in the blood of another bird." So I'm going with unSalbutamoled unSalbutamolled unSalbutamolified undoped. The bird world seems well policed.

Regrettably - yes...

Laden or unladen?

What Leon the Pro said. I'd use the boxes, but send my support crew to fetch them as soon as they see you, while you settle in and enjoy a few pancakes, an ostrich sosatie and a cup of tea.

Yeah, Wiesenhof was legendary. A true hard man's course. Gavin. William. Paul. Jan. Sean. Legends of 24hr racing. That course was super rough - I remember not being able to feel my toes and lower back for a week afterwards. And that switchback climb at the back - I still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, panicking that I can't get around those tight hairpins. I remember barends because I still ride with them Those were the days when the racing was determined by your light (and your budget to buy a near infinite supply of replacement batteries).

As I get older I'm starting to count recovery in number of months rather than number of weeks. To show you how old I am, I did my first solo 24hr on a 26 inch Raleigh MTB with rim brakes and tyre liners. Half the people on here will have no idea what I just said...

He only writes the bad blog posts - it's easy to spot him. I'm usually able to delete them before too many people read his race reports. If you see any poorly written posts, let me know and I'll purge them before us normal people have to read his drivel.

36One was already booked and paid for when they moved the event This is one of those events where you're sad if you're not there, and at the same time glad you're not abusing yourself for 24hrs. (I'm sitting rather comfortably in my chair right now ) Well done to Herman. Looking at his lap times, he rode the perfect race. Slow, steady and consistent. Lap after lap after lap. It's always nice to see new competitors stepping up. And that JP guy was amazing. I could see he got some very good advice from somewhere

I thought something was up. My partner has been ignoring me for the last week and it's been getting rather awkward. I'm not even getting those little blue ticks on Whatsapp anymore. And he's gone super quiet on Strava. I was going to mail him to remind him to bring his lights (and charge them) this time, but now I don't think I'm going to bother. Thanks to this article, I now know why - he's riding with some guy called Dane Welsh. Who is that guy? Google says he's a real estate agent in Australia, but I can't seem to find any cycling history. Definitely a dark horse...

This does change things a little - that water point at the bottom was such good place to build up the courage (and strength) for Rooiberg. A couple of cokes, a few date balls, a quiet moment to reflect on the hell that awaited. Hopefully the water point on the top will act as a target or objective - the lure of coke and a date ball, and possibly a shoulder to cry on...

I think vulgar needs some of WaldoZ's intervals. I've been doing intervals too - pancake intervals. Three pancakes in two minutes, rest for 3 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Those Calitzdorp tannies at Checkpoint 3 had better be ready for me - I think I've timed my training to peak almost exactly at 6:27am on Saturday morning!

The only prep I'm doing will be to charge my light early next week. Then on Friday morning, I'll rush around the house, tossing whatever I think I might need into a BIG bag, and then make my way to Oudtshoorn. We'll pretty much empty the bags into the boxes, minutes before the trucks leave, and then chill for 2 hours before the race begins. We've perfected LastMinute.Com

I'm not even a dirt roadie, I'm a proper roadie. (Don't get me started on my issues with riding off road!) I'm talking about those moments when you need two hands for the jammer zip because it's gotten stuck on some drool or crystallised tears or something.

Yup - practice doing up your wind jammer on the downhills, and undoing it as you climb out of the dips (while at the same time turning your light from low to medium on the downhills, and from medium to low on the ups). There will be times (particularly on the downhills) where you can do either the jammer or the light, but not both.

Mauritius's "Underwater Waterfall"

If you're comfortable in your own grime and sweat and ick, then you don't really need too much from the boxes. We don't really bother with the first box - a spare bottle, and maybe some spares. The kit we start in is good enough to get to CP2. 2nd box - my partner puts in his spare light battery. Some kit (although we've never taken it). A spare bottle and spares (tube, bombs). 3rd box - we usually use this box to put things into - lights, kit, etc. My partner puts in his power bank to charge his Garmin, and we have a spare bottle and some spares. I also put my sunglasses in here. We live of the food tables for both snacks and fluid. A warning about CP3 - you can lose quite a bit of time here getting your box, the boxes are stacked miles from the route, and walking 300m after riding 280kms isn't pleasant. If you have a support crew, get them to get it for you (or better yet, get them to have your supplies). While the checkpoints are like little oases of life and happiness, try not to spend too much time stuck in a checkpoint faffing. Have a plan, get in, get your stuff and get out. The more time you don't spend on your bike, the more difficult it is to get back on your bike. Even if you're cruising slowly while eating a pancake, that's one less kilometre to worry about.

The stretch from the waterpoint before Rooiberg to CP3 is long. Not just in distance, but also in time. I popped about 5kms out from CP3 (but the pancakes revived me!). A waterpoint at the top, or on the Calitzdorp side would be a fantastic idea - you think you've done it when you get to the top of the climb, but the drag into town is a killer! (And got over the climb in the dark still - it must be another level of suffering doing that in the midday heat! Which again fills me with massive respect for everyone taking more than 20 hours - seriously hardcore!)

Little over a week to go - who's riding?