You know you're a cyclist when....

[Daideron]

You failed mathematics and algebra at school. Yet now you can work out the difference between miles and kilo's without even blinking, wattage and average heart rates are a language to you and you can work out your average speed per hundred kilo's quicker than a savant.

You failed biology at school, yet now you have an incredible grasp of the human anatomy and exactly what carbohydrates, proteins and sugars do for you.

No matter who you are, pro, amateur or newbie, you all agree on this...a Bar-One and a Coke will make those last impossible 10kilo's possible. (But then the paramedics better have a crash cart ready)

At least one GU sachet has exploded in your face

You have fully believed in Snake Oils like Cytomax or some other super supplement

You have wondered just how strong you actually are

You have wondered just how strong you would be with EPO

You feel guilty for wondering about the EPO

You suddenly like white Italian leather shoes...with carbon soles

You have checked in the mirror for a helmet or sunglass tan (and been proud when you see one)

You have been chased by a dog

You guage your sprint on the dog that chases you each day

You have bought BICISPORT even though you cant read Italian

[Daideron]

Edited double post

Edited August 13, 2013 by Daideron

[jaco369]

you have gotten sick at leas once while riding and trying to swallow a espresso flavoured Gu gel.

 

You lie and say your Carbon cycling shoes are cheaper than they really are.

 

You dis Momsem bikes while secretly lusting for one.....(VIPA )

 

you think Cats eyes o the road is from the devil, while swearing in your car when they dont reflect at night.

 

You recognise your buddies in winter even though you can only see their legs due to wearing buffs sunnies and a helmet.

 

you have tried to adjust your bike computer pickup on the fork while riding..... and went HOB

 

you started the worlds largest funride at least once from the back.

 

 

Edited August 13, 2013 by jaco369

[jaco369]

you never judge a ride by how far it was, but how many KM you can do every hour

[Wonder Woman]

You recognise people by the bike they ride.

[Wonder Woman]

Every hill that is worth counting has a nickname.

Edited August 13, 2013 by Wonder Woman

[jaco369]

Very funny! Nice post. We always joked that you could only officially call yourself a cyclist after you had fallen seven times, or any crash that broke your collar bone!

And I feel there are a few that could be added,

You start to believe in the voodoo that suggests punctures always come in a batch of three

Regardless of who you are riding with, you always sprint for a bridge

You have been "half wheeled"

You have "half wheeled" someone

You have bonked so badly that you have cried, hallucinated and pleaded with God

You have given serious thought to hack-sawing off the ends of your handlebars (the bits you dont use) to make the bike lighter

You pass a shop window and glance across to see how you look in the drops

You have imagined Phil and Paul commentating on your race/training ride

Regardless of your ability and seeding, you make sure you know how to "bike throw" for the line.

You have denounced Campagnolo while secretly lusting after it

You have proudly owned Campagnolo

Even though you know there is a difference, you dont really know what the difference is between Campy and Shimano, and lets be honest, the Campy didnt actually make you faster!

You count calories and measure meals better than supermodels

You have suspected everyone around you uses PED's. Even that new kid...he climbs like a Spaniard so he has to be using

You have owned a steel frame and believe there is nothing better, and you only ride carbon because its the way bike design has evolved. Otherwise it would be Columbus all the way

You have secretly lusted over the new Dura-Ace while riding Campy

You have ridden on "tubbies"

You have owned a pair of SIDI's

Bumped elbows in the paceline and despite blind panic, you pretend you never panicked

You can put a racing cape on while riding and not crash

You call rain jackets racing capes

You always carry a racing cape

The last three cars you have had and sold have had chainring marks either on the back seats, or in the boot

 

Just a few of my own!

You have bonked so badly that you have cried, hallucinated and pleaded with God

 

wajhahahahaha i can relate. alone in the knysna forest on a 14km pass

[jaco369]

when you started, you fake it till you make it

[Chro Mo]

you have a detailed understanding of import and export rules and associated taxes

 

you know foreign bike shop/cycle retail help-desk people by name

 

you know the difference between english and italian bb threads - in detail

 

you can work out multiple exchange rates - at the same time - in your head

 

when web-based shopping comparison sites call you for advice

 

when your LBS visibly winces as you approach, knowing you will ask impossibly detailed questions

 

you expect your lbs owner/operator to know EVERYTHING

 

you expect your lbs to carry the same amount of stock as CRC

 

you get Christmas cards from CRC, Wiggle and On-One

 

you know the recommended torque tolerances for most bolts manufactured after 1973

 

you know that Vanilla is not just a flavour

 

you know the route profiles for most alpine TdF stages

 

you have apps installed for strava, mapmyride, endomondo and runtastic, and you know how to get them to work

 

you have, in your possession 5 different crank extractors

 

you have a headset press

[jaco369]

when your bike service costs more than your car to service.

 

when your your bike tyres are as much if not more than your cars.

[jaco369]

You know who Dangle is or have heard of him before! wahahahaa

[fabes]

You know who Dangle is or have heard of him before! wahahahaa

You sound like a moerse cyclist.

[jaco369]

You sound like a moerse cyclist.

and you still sound like a moerse ****

 

(box)

Edited August 13, 2013 by jaco369

[fabes]

and you still sound like a moerse ****

 

(box)

I am

[Vetseun]

Your legs are smoother than your wifes.

[Daideron]

When your garage has enough spares in decent condition to build at least anothe bike or two.

You have a pair of "lucky" socks or gloves

You have ridden LOOK, TIME, SPEEDPLAY and Shimano pedals

You have chased a rider ahead of you down, passed them and then turned off as quickly as possible so that (a) they dont chase you and (B) they dont see you nearly hurl your lungs out from the effort it took to catch them, or hopefully not © had to make some outrageous excuse as to why you have suddenly ceased riding at mach1 and are now a quivering wreck

You have several generations of a certain component/grouppo/gadget

You know the quickest routes to starts of races/group rides/bike shops, and you mock the GPS for suggesting anything other

You have done the Argus

You roll your eyes at people who religiously do the Argus

You have ridden more than ten Argus'

You curse sticking that race number onto and removing from bike/helmet/handlebars

You have considered naming at least one son either Eddy, Axel, Ernesto or Laurent

You have given a new club rider a nickname

You hate your nickname and changed club because of it

When referring to another rider, you refer to them as either a "strongman" "grimpeur" or a "sprinter"

You have bought a coke and a chocolate for your ride buddies

Your ride buddies have bought you a coke and a chocolate

You have ridden with repaired inner tubes in your saddle bag, and never felt confident that they will work should you have to use them

You have your own stash of CleanGreen, dedicated only for bike use

You know gear ratios off the top of your head

You have an opinion regarding crank length

You have an opinion regarding 26/27.5/29inch bikes

You cant accept why people dont agree with your opinion on 26/27.5/29inch bikes

You accept Christophe Sausers opinion regarding 26/27.5/29inch bikes

You believe Jens Voight will kick your butt harder than a Navy Seal

You call Cadel Evans "Cuddles"

Cancellara is Sparticus

Both are "friends" on Facebook

You know what tire pressures to run in the wet and the dry

You have used a "gator" as a macgyver measure to repair a tire and get home

You have stripped a stem bolt in pursuit of the perfect position

You have a vast collection of goodie bags

On more than one occassion you have used the contents of your goodie bags as a gift to someone

The handles on your lawn mower are wrapped with old bar tape

You refuse a dodgy looking glass at Spur...but drink from a bidon that has not been rinsed in a week