Love in the time of corona

[Shebeen]

The total episode all here

 

 

Going to keep this GEM separate. feel free to post stuff about it and other light hearted things.

Edited March 25, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona - Ep 1

Liz wasn't in a full panic. Yet. But she could feel herself preparing for it. The vortex spiral of doom was slowly descending on her. Between too much time on Twitter and a catastrophe-call from her sister with the message 'our parents will absolutely and definitely die because they are TOO old for medical professionals to give a **** about and help,' she was feeling like she might never see anyone other than Vimes, the demon cat, again.

She had an image of herself, in slippers, shouting at the Uber Eats delivery man to 'Just Leave it by the gate!' and picking up her food with gloves before putting it in the fridge and waiting 3 days for the germs to die before eating. She would just eat 3-day old take-out on rotation for the rest of her life - that much was obvious. It was the only way.

And then today. She was actually going to have to leave the house?!? She had read on the road WhatsApp group that Clicks Rondebosch was getting a delivery of hand sanitizer at 10am today.

Bernita had a contact, who knew a guy who was married to someone in Clicks head office. Liz had to get there by 09h30 and then try to nonchalantly hang around, a 1.5m distances from anyone else, till it was stocked on the shelves. Thankfully she could spend days in Clicks looking at all the products. There was nothing more reassuring than a pharmacy-type store - the shelves stocked with endless opportunities for more health and cleanliness. It was like a security blanket. Especially at a time like this. She would just stick around the supplements aisle researching Omega oils until it was time.

Doing a final hand wash, singing the whole of Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran to make sure she clocked 20 seconds, she got into her car and reversed out of the drive.

Edited March 19, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona  Ep 2

Driving down the road on the way to Clicks she was struck by the absence of traffic. Nothing feels more post-apocalyptic than being able to easily manoeuvre on the N2 on a weekday.

Liz found herself fantasizing about being one of the first to get Covid-19 and then recover. She would only get it mildly, of course. Just be a little bit sick for a few days and finally have an excuse not to be on endless zoom calls with her colleagues. She could then take her immunized self out into the world to revel in the freedom of being one of only a few able to move easily through the streets. It could be marvellous.

Walking into Clicks she saw that she was late, or the 'shipment' was actually just a small box of 250ml bottles. Either way, there were only a few on the shelves. Priced at R50! They were like R20 a few days ago. Honestly... This was just disgusting! She has a secret feeling (thanks to social media) that capitalism was partly to blame for this mess and here, a retailer was taking advantage! "Humanity... will we ever learn?" she thought as she hurried to stockpile as many as possible.

Grabbing one and putting it into her basket, she reached for a second and her hand collided with another, reaching for the same, last bottle.

ohmigod. ohmigod. ohmigod. She had just touched another human. A human she didn't know. A foreign, alien, unknown human. She froze.

That second of hesitation was all it took for the foreign human to take the gap and grab the bottle. "You already have one," he said. "Seems fair hey? Or do you want to thumb-war for it?"

He was tall, lean and had a mess of dark hair falling into his eyes. She may have even thought he was beautiful if he hadn't just stolen her hand sanitizer.

"Whaaa?" Liz, ever articulate, responded. She was momentarily stunned by the image of two Covid-19 infected hands declaring war on each other. What kind of lunatic would even suggest it?

// to be continued... Find out if Liz has found a possible quarantine partner or patient 117 right here tomorrow.

Edited March 19, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona Ep 3

"May I have this?" he repeated, holding up the hand sanitizer in front of Liz' face. "You already have one."

"Are practising self-isolation?" she fired at him. "When was the last time you washed your hands? Have you been in contact with anyone who might have been in contact with someone with the virus? How safe are you actually? Because you see, you are the first person I have had any, literally any, physical contact with since Cyril's speech on Sunday night," said Liz.

"Oh. Wow. Okay. Um," he said looking a bit taken aback at her barrage of questions. "Calm down..."

"Don't tell me to calm down," she shot back. "This is a goddam health crisis and you just touched me with your... your..." she paused as if searching for a suitable word, " your HANDS! Which could have been anywhere, AND have just stolen MY hand sanitizer!"

"To be fair, you already have one in your basket and stockpiling is selfish and not very civic-minded," he said. "On your other questions, I am perfectly healthy and have been in my house, mostly, since Monday," he said. "And what about the risk to me? What if you are a carrier?"

Liz hadn't thought of the that. She had been working on the assumption that everyone else was a threat. What if it was her? God forbid. She didn't want to be Covid case 117. Not today!

"We had better swap numbers," she said. "So that we can keep each other updated if anything happens. It seems like the most sensible thing to do," Liz said.

After some her discussion, where he tried to convince her she was over-reacting, he finally relented. She loaded him up as 'Dan Corona' in her contacts. She was 'Liz Clicks lady' in his. She had a feeling he was going to write something else but didn't because she was staring at his phone at the time. Whatevs. This was crunch time and as the tweet said 'If you feel you are over-reacting you are probably doing just enough.'

Then, thinking of it, Liz fired off a text to the 'Divas, Witches and Bitches ‍♀' group to let them know she was in Clicks and did they need anything.

"Wet wipes, tampons and chocolate ," from Fee.
"I think I need more Panado - is 4 boxes enough do you think? That's just 1 per family member. I am worried. Get me 4 more please!!!" from Kay.

She was sorry she'd asked.

// to be continued... How will Liz deliver the much-needed chocolate? Will Liz and Rayan ever? Find out here tomorrow...

Edited March 19, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona  EP 4

Just as Liz was pulling into her driveway her phone started vibrating. It was her boss video calling her. "****!" she said as she weighed up her options. Ignore? Answer but turn off video? Answer and totally own that she was clearly in her car and not at her computer?

She, being the very brave woman she was, opted for ignoring it, rushing inside, sitting quickly in front of her computer and calling him back.

"Rich! Hi!" she beamed as he connected. "Sorry man, I was making coffee." She lifted her ice-cold coffee cup from that morning in demonstration.

Richard didn't even say hello, launching right into what he needed her to do. Then she noticed his background. Since video calling had become the only way to communicate, Richard had started changing his background to set the tone of his meetings.

Today’s was just white with DATA>OPINIONS written in a spraypaint font. This did not bode well for her status call later today.

Richard's LinkedIn profile described him as a 'Co-founder, Chairman and CEO.' In short, he was a tech entrepreneur with a staff compliment of 12, a foul mouth, huge brain, unshakable self-confidence and porous boundaries.

While he was talking about a blog he wanted, she was thinking about what a disappointment this work from home thing was. It was supposed to all spending the day in your PJs, doing yoga and being more productive because of no meetings. But the reality was back to back video calls, eating all the snacks by 10am, maxing out at 987 steps each day and no time to pee.

She was going to look like a potato by the time this virus thing was over. A potato with a vicious UTI.

She zoned in just in time to hear Richard say, “So you will get on that hey Lizzy?”

“Oh, sure thing Rich,” she said quickly piecing together the conversation. “One blog post on how quantum machine learning and decentralised AI can win the war on Corona. No problem.”

Jirre. Best she get onto Google and work out what the hell that even was.

// To be continued... Where we answer questions like 'What happened to Dan? What they hell Sarah... bring back the love interest!!'

 

Edited March 23, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona  EP 5

Liz couldn’t remember the last time she had cleaned a toilet. Working from home was one thing, but having to deal with her life in a post-Zakiswa reality? That was quite another. Her thing, if she even had a housework thing at all, was light tidying, not proper cleaning.

“Yes. Yes. I know you need Domestos and a toilet brush, but what is the order?” she whined. “Domestos, then brush, then flush?” Fee laughed. “It’s not funny!” said Liz. “I don’t even know if I have Domestos!”

Liz hadn’t looked into the cupboard under the sink in years. That was Kiswa’s domain and was as arcane and unknowable as a book of spells. Brightly coloured bottles, old toothbrushes, rags that might have once been pyjama tops… God knows what else she might find.

But all this was changing. Thanks to a stupid virus she was going to have to learn to do housework. This was not what she had planned for her 40th year. Her plans had been carefully imagined in a vision board and included things like learning to surf, finally doing yoga, buying a NutriBullet and maybe finding a boyfriend. Not this.

The worst of it was that she was facing it alone.

This was not a time to be single. It was a time to be with someone so you can take care of each other and have lots of end-of-the-world sex. There was something deliciously erotic about the apocalypse - a kind of all bets are off nihilism that let you ask and do what you had always wanted but been worried your mom might find out about. But here she was, alone, binge-watching Schitt’s Creek with the demon cat and speaking to her best friend about how to clean a bloody toilet.

“Jaaaa,” said Fee, sounding unconvinced. “Suuuure. Corona is so hot! Although… now that you mention it, its been pretty great with Greg and me.”
“Oh stop,” said Liz. “You are not helping.”

“Why don’t you text Dan-Dan-the-sanitizer-man?” suggested Fee. “He was cute right? And you never know, he might be up for some end of days online nookie.”
“I couldn’t,” Liz responded.
“I think you probably could,” said Fee. “Put all the PR wordsmithing to some good use for a change. You have nothing to lose. Literally nothing.”

Mmmmm, thought Liz. Maybe….

"Oh. It's on," said Fee. "Cyril is about to address us."

//to be continued… What will Cyril say? Are we going into full lockdown and what does this mean for Liz and Dan-Dan-The-Sanitizer-Man? find out more tomorrow.

Edited March 23, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

(A slightly more sombre) EP 6  in Love in the time of Corona

Liz woke up still feeling stunned and lost. Like the morning after a bad breakup, when the ease of half-sleep gives way to the heavy realisation that your life is never going to be the same. 21 Days in lockdown. She was struggling to get her head around it. That was a long time to not be hugged or touched by another human. Probably the longest in her life.

Using routine to get some emotional equilibrium, she reached for her phone to check Facebook.

Great Gods of Social Media! There was Dan. Big Brother Facebook must have connected the new number on her phone with his profile. It was terrifying really. Zuckerburg probably knew more about her than she knew about herself.

Regardless, here Dan was, in the ‘people you may know’ section which she had been listlessly swiping through. Open-faced in a floppy-walking-in-the-mountain-hat and a dog.

Thank goodness it wasn’t one of those odd action shots that men of a certain age seem obsessed with. Tinder and Facebook were full of 40-ish men in activewear, doing active things - on a mountain bike, next to a mountain bike, drinking coffee with a mountain bike in the background - running, racing, jumping, kiting, surfing. Endless activity. Was sweaty, red-faced determination the new suave? ‘Not for the next three weeks though,’ Liz thought. But Dan had none of that, just a normal picture of a man and his best friend. Not a girlfriend, a best friend. Nice.

Dan Blake. She had a last name now too. This was going to make Google stalking so much easier!

She studied the picture looking for some kind of insight or meaning. He had a lovely face. Not supermodel gorgeous, which would have been totally intimidating, but kind eyes, soft dark hair which wasn’t trying too hard and a beautiful smile. She could totally work with this.

She clicked. Waited for it to load. And... got sweet fokol. URGH. People and their good personal security. All she could see were a few profile pics from 2013 and 2017 (he was ageing beautifully) and a random picture of a sunset. ‘Mmmm. Maybe LinkedIn on Instagram?’ she mused.

The stalking would need to wait though, she needed to get up and have a shower. The world might have been turned on its head last night but Rich would still want his blog post ready for review by 10 and she had to re-write the intro paragraph. It kept needing to change as new information about the virus and its spread came to light. She just needed nothing radical to happen between now and 13h00 when she could post it.

Fingers Crossed.

// To be continued... Does Liz friend Dan? Does he accept? Do they ever speak?

Edited March 25, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

Love in the time of Corona  EP 7

“The Nursery? As well? But plants don’t carry the virus do they?”
Liz’ mom was having a hard time understanding that just because she considered something an essential service, didn’t mean the government automatically agreed. Although after hearing that UberEats was going to shut as well, she thought her mother might not be alone in her confusion.

She clicked off her phone and lay down on the couch. She really wasn’t feeling well. She had a headache, blocked nose and scratchy throat... Oh god... Did she have the Rona?

She got up and started urgently sniffing the peaches on her dining room table. She had read somewhere that a lesser-known symptom was losing your sense of smell. She gasped. She couldn’t smell a thing. And was that a hot flush? Did she have a fever? She put a hand to her forehead. It felt fine. But that didn’t mean anything! A hot feverish hand probably couldn’t feel a hot feverish forehead. And she was exhausted! It was all adding up. This was happening. It was actually happening…

She had to do the responsible thing. Obviously, she had to tell Dan. Right. Now.

<Dan Corona>
Liz: Hi. Hope you are well. I am starting to feel a bit off and wanted to let you know. How are you feeling? Liz (from Clicks)

And now she had to tell Fee and Kay. She had seen them earlier for a final Bootlegger coffee before incarceration. Liz had bought three bags of ground coffee because while there may be a crisis, this was no time to drop one’s standards! She had already had to work through the trauma of a cancelled wax appointment, she was not going to stoop so low as instant coffee. She wasn’t an animal! Sometimes she felt like the only thing standing between her and total anarchy was a Bootlegger flat white and a Woolies lasagna.

<Divas, Witches and Bitches ‍♀>
Liz: Guys! I am not feeling so great hey? Worried 
Fee: Symptoms?
Liz: Headache. Scratchy Throat. Can’t smell peaches. May have a fever. Feel like I want to cough. Exhausted.
Kay: Peaches?? 
Fee: Nose blocked? How are your teeth?
Liz: Nose a bit stuffy. What about my teeth?
Fee: Do they hurt?
Liz: mmmm. Actually yes. My back molars are feeling tender and sore.
Fee: You have sinusitis you nutter. Take an anti-histamine and call me in the morning.
Liz: ***. I just texted Dan and told him I wasn’t well ‍♀
Kay: What? You told some guy you saw a week ago and touched hands with before your besties??? Nice Lizzy. Nice. 
Liz. ***!
Fee: 

// To be continued... how will Liz recover - from her sinusitis and the mortification?

Edited March 25, 2020 by Shebeen

[Shebeen]

lets hope we get lucky

[Shebeen]

all the way

[Shebeen]

baby

[porqui]

18 300 ???

[geomark]

post sex

post op?

[Shebeen]

18 300 ???

???

 

either way. post 3 is up!

[xamnam]

total cr@p

[geomark]