Twitter expert (oxymoron?) terms in cycling

[carbon29er]

Cut out ‘n’ keep guide to cycling and Twitter

 

QUICK CLINIC GUIDE TO DOPING

 

Scenario -> Outcome

Rider holds form all season. ->Doping

Rider loses form. -> Was doping

Strong team performance. -> All doping

Great solo performance. -> Doping

Team declare zero tolerance. -> Doping

Team hire ex-dopers. -> Doping

Rider has a doctor. -> Doping

Rider has a trainer. -> Doping

Rider gets ill. -> Doping

Rider stays healthy. -> Doping

Rider admits to past doping, says he’s now clean. -> Liar, doping

Rider doesn’t admit to doping. -> Doping

Rider fails no tests. -> Bio passport doesn’t work

Conti rider goes well. -> Ah but he’s not on the bio passport

Rider wins MTF with solid team tactics. -> Doping, just like Armstrong

Rider wins MTF with solo breakaway. -> Doping just like Pantani

Rider wins, goes to doping control. -> Tests don’t work

Rider finishes outside top places, doesn’t have to go to doping control. -> Convenient

Rider refuses to release data. -> Doping

Rider releases data. -> Doping

Rider won’t speak to press. -> Doping

Rider does speak to press. -> Fans with typewriters

Journalist covers stage race by reporting on what happened on the road not in the hotels. -> Accessory to doping

 

 

Source: http://journalvelo.com/opinion/cut-out-n-keep-guide-to-cycling-and-twitter/

[Eldron]

My favourite is "the rider returned a non negative test".