Ok,. something to laugh about today....

[pastapouch]

Koos is besig om liefde te maak toe sy bokkie 'n epileptiese aanval

kry.

Koos jaag met haar na dokter wat vra wat's fout?

Koos: Ek dink haar orgasme haak vas.

Mans is soos rooi wyn. Hoe ouer, hoe beter.

Vroue is soos melk, eers word hulle suur en dan word hulle dik!

Wat het jy as jou skoonma tot by haar skouers in sement staan?

Te min sement.

 

>> Blonde verpleegtertjie s? vir ou Oom: Af met die broekie, dat ons gou kan skeer.

Oom: Maar ek gaan vir 'n oog operasie!

Verpleegstertjie: Snert! Oom hier staan verwyder Horingvlies.

 

Parkinsons is beter as Alzeimers. Ek bewe hom liewer in as om te

vergeet hoekom hy styf is!

 

Het wonderlike dieet vir ons! Val verskriklik af. Brandewyn dieet.

Val van bed af! Val van stoel af en val van trap af!

 

Koos tel 'n engelse stukkie in 'n kroeg op en vra? Jou

plek of myne?

Sy s?: "I'm sorry, I'm on my menstrual cycle"

Hy s?: Dis fokkol, ons laai hom sommer op my bakkie.

 

Blond bel die brandweer en s? haar huis is aan die

brand.

Die man vra: Ok hoe kom ons by jou uit?

Sy s?: Hellooo!! Met die groot rooi lorrie!

 

Gedagte vir die dag: Julle mense wat dink julle weet

alles, maak ons mense wat alles weet die bliksem in!

 

Snaakse ding gebeur.....Sit Sondag innie kerk toe die

ou langs my skielik 'n sigaret aansteek. Ek skrik so groot ek laat

val amper my bier!!

 

>> Jou mediese versl*g het vandag by ons uitgekom.

Jy het 'n yster te kort. Jy kort dadelik 'n SPYKER!

 

Gehoor jy mag nie meer praat van 'n hoer nie?

Dit is nou 'n Horisontale Stres Verligtings Konsultant!

 

Ek is nou net gearesteer as die lelikste poepol in die

land. Wil jy nie asb. stasie toe kom en vir hulle jou gesig

kom wys, sodat hulle kan sien dat hulle 'n groot fout maak nie?

 

Hoekom kyk 'n non nie na haar noenoe as sy stort nie?

Die Bybel s? " jy mag nie neerkyk op die werkloses nie"

Wanneer mag mens 'n dwergie bliksem?

As hy close dans met jou vrou en s? haar hare ryk lekker!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hierdie is 'n dringende boodskap van die Nasionale Bevolkings

Registrateur: Jou geboorte was 'n fout. Jy moet onmiddelik na jou

naaste Kliniek gaan om uitgesit te word. Ons vra nederig

om verskoning vir enige ongerief

 

Michael Jackson is skuldig bevind en ter dood

veroordeel. Hulle gaan hom smelt en plastic karretjies van hom maak sodat die

seuntjies hom ook kan stoot.

[Jokerman]

Nice one.....................you made my day !!!!

[Cruxpearl]

http://www.tcsn.co.za/downloads/afdraand.jpg

[Jokerman]

Yip, daai een laat my ook elke keer lag dat die trane loop

[scotty]

[MWdeJager]

Neelsie is my favourite!

 

[scotty]

[scotty]

[Duathlete]

Nice one Cervelo!

[PhilipV]

[PhilipV]

a priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the

students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get

together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

 

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all

that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to

another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the

woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days

later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

 

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various

bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a

bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well,

that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I

quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God,

he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him

first communion and confirmation."

 

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both

legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he

claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I

FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!

But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we

began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another

until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.

And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of

the day PRAISING Jesus."

 

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was

in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of

him. He was in bad shape.

 

 

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision was not the

best way to start."

 

 

[scotty]

Ouch

[PhilipV]

 

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted),

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

-----------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,....", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

 

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of tea??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

@sshole.

 

(Gary) B1tch.

--------------------------------------------------------

**********************************************

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A

 

 

[pete]

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"  He said,  "Because you came home early".
5. It's been a rough day I got up this morning... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"  He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control

[nellie]

Shame Pete! You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself! You can join the Hub family...we'll like you as long as you've got a bike. (but looking at your last post you should rather not try posting photos)