Came across this list on the internet and it made me laugh, don't know if it's been posted before but anyway. You know you're a cyclist when: you’ve given your bike a nickname. you know that pain is just fear leaving your body, before it returns through your hamstrings. you’ve heard the words “Just a friendly ride, no one gets dropped” while rapidly falling back in the pack. you can tell your wife with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn, then bike off for a century. You know you’re a cyclist when you dream of winning the lottery and which bikes you’ll be able to buy? you buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down. you hate headwinds, hills and trucks parked on the shoulder of any descent. you forget all the pain, headwinds, humidity and hills within days of a long ride, and start dreaming about the next. you’ve washed off that chain ring grease “tattoo” on your calf so often that you went ahead and got a real one there. You know you’re a cyclist when, like war vets carrying shrapnel under their skin, your souvenirs are pebbles and gravel housed around your elbows and knees. when camping, your bike stays with you in your tent. you wear a heart rate monitor during sex. you’ve considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals. you’ve misplaced an hour of your life cursing, sweating and twisting a wrench, unaware that one of the pedals threads the opposite way. You know you’re a cyclist when your loved ones have assigned a separate hamper for your dirty bike clothes, and placed a hazmat label on it. your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves. weather forecasts can be broken down into 2 categories: good biking weather, bad biking weather. you find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a parent. you spend twice the money on cycling kits then you do work clothes. You know you’re a cyclist when you’ve been involved in deal making with a higher power to get through a climb you know will last longer than a political campaign. you can ID five brands and sixteen flavors of protein bars in a blind taste test, but on most long rides you would eat wet shoe leather, properly salted and containing a balance of electrolytes, of course. approaching a rider from behind, you’ve thought, “I will attack until your lungs cease to function properly, you collapse in the gutter and call out for your grandma’s quilted afghan.” Then offered a respectful nod as you blurred by.you check out everyone else’s legs to see if they are better than yours. you can’t seem to get to work before 8:30am, but you don’t have a problem meeting your buddies at 5:30 am for a ride. there is nothing odd about having bikes in your living room. You know you’re a cyclist when you stare at other cyclists to check out their ride. you know the difference between a Presta and a Schrader valve. you know every traffic light sequence in the tri-county area for stop free pedaling. you wear more tights than a children’s theater group performing Peter Pan. you are an expert at spotting thunderstorms, tornados, windstorms, marauding cattle and ice cream stands from a distance. You know you’re a cyclist when you have been caught in a thunderstorm while still in the saddle blinking away water and grinning all the way home.you live in fear that someone will sponsor a twelve-step program for cycling addicts and you’ll be the first one wrestled to the ground. you learned a long time ago that it doesn’t matter how light or fast, just get on that bike. you have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses. you have more cycling jerseys than work shirts. your legs are smoother than your wife’s. You know you’re a cyclist when the nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles. you have defined the 8 stages of road kill decomposition through daily observation. you get withdrawal symptoms if off the bike for more than a day. when anybody mentions distance you immediately think of how long it would take to cycle it. you point at pot holes, but you are driving in your car alone. You know you’re a cyclist when your bike is worth more than your car. you have tested your hypothermic limits and found that they can be expanded with pedal speed, layering and hot cocoa. you own more tights than a children’s theater performing Peter Pan. your wallet is clear, made of plastic and sports the designer label Ziplok. you have more up-to-date knowledge of bike specs, gear and equipment than the staff at your local shop. You know you’re a cyclist when you think about each hill as a cyclist, even when you are driving in a car. you know how many miles you rode last night, last week, last year. you have a Biker’s Tan. (bottom 2 /3 of your legs, lower 1/2 your arms, and two little circles on the tops of your hands) you get sad when your Biker’s Tan fades. AND , you're reading this on thehubsa
