Velouria

5 Giro's, 2 Vuelta's 3 national time trial titles 2nd Critérium International (behind Jens in 2009) 5th in World Fun Ride Champs

I know, and I've been half regretting the decision, but with 36One and Panorama coming up next month, it was the right decision. Just like 2012, where I wished I was there, and wished I wasn't there (mostly because of the weather). And it's rather cool watching the race unfold on twitter and the Hub. When you're riding it you don't really care about the leaders or anything else - it's just about getting you and your partner to the end of each stage each day.

Got an invite on Friday night, and almost took it. Just wasn't the right sort of guy I'd like to spend 8 days with. Hopefully next year again.

Sally Bigham didn't finish in 2013, did clean up everything in 2012 though - 8 stage wins.

Lesson learned. I shall refrain from referring to all people who prepare food as chefs. My wife is now "that person in our house who tinkers in the kitchen by randomly mixing various ingredients together". I'll let you know how she handles her new title, although I fully expect her to bury the "that person in our house who tinkers in the kitchen by randomly mixing various ingredients together" 's knife in my back while I sleep. P.S. I also mentioned The Plague - just to clarify, this wasn't the actual plague that decimated Europe, but instead a bad case of New Delhi Belly that the rounds. P.P.S Flash is a guy, and wasn't actually pregnant. P.P.P.S The Cape Rouleur is still an awesome event, despite the culinary qualifications of some of the participants.

He's a decent bloke, makes some tasty food, and rides a bike quite well. That's enough for me.

The great thing about HotChillee events is that they cater for all sorts of riders. You've got your racing snakes up front averaging 32+ km/h in Group 1, and then at the back in Group 3 you've got the Captain's of Industry - the cycling tourists - the guys who work too hard to spend too much time on their bikes but want the pro cyclist's experience - trundling along at 24km/h. There's rolling road closure, mechanics and medics with each group (how often do us normal people get to put our hand in the air when we puncture and have a guy jump out of a van with a new wheel?).

Another fantastic HotChillee event. We had wind, rain, and 3 days of glorious sun. The cycling was amazing, as was hanging out with some very interesting people, from national cricketers, celebrity chefs and rugby players, to former world champs, up and coming pros and a whole bunch of passionate cyclists. My report: http://www.velotales.com/2014/03/2014-cape-rouleur.html

A couple of weeks ago a mate and I set off on an epic adventure. We didn't quite make our target, but had a fantastic day out nonetheless. http://www.velotales...ig-day-out.html

10.5% http://www.procyclingstats.com/races/profilesmaps/2014-01/Tour-of-Oman-Stage-5-1389875546.jpg

You're not getting pictures of my nuts, and so will have to settle for my knee...

That damn bike bit me badly this morning - belt came off as I stood on the pedals. Almost lost my nuts, lost some skin off my knee, and hurt my ego the most (as I wobbled all over Steynsrust in front of a car). I'm nervous about the ride home...

Thanks DJR - I'm planning on one for the upcoming Cape Rouleur. Race reports for these one day road rides are usually quite difficult to write - between the snot flowing from my face and the testosterone haze in the bunch I often can't remember exactly what happened. Three hours of sitting on the pointy end of my saddle, gradually slipping into the pain cave and then it's all over - just as my legs are warming up... Thanks for the vote of confidence, but let's be honest - I'm never going to win in a head to head with those race snakes. I'm too big, too fat, and too slow. It's so much more fun being a big fish in a small pond than being cannon fodder for the guys with real talent. Been there, done that, got tired of riding the last half of the race on my own

We dropped guys going up hill, dropped guys in the crosswind, dropped guys on the rollers. Only the truly dedicated wheelsuckers were there at the end. I always have a good chuckle when they burst out of the bunch with a few kms to go, only for their enthusiasm to dwarf their ability. Five hundred meters later and they're on the back of the bunch again looking rather sheepish.

Were you in the A-C bunch? I was chilling at the back of the bunch going down Helshoogte when you got spat out, and it looked like the wobbles were so big that you were taking up both lanes. Well done for keeping it upright. Sorry about closing you down, but I was more interested in the two guys ahead of you While I don't mind sitting on the front, a couple of times I would pull over, and no one would come through. I'd take a look back assuming I'd been an ass again and ridden off the front only to see 15 riders pretending to be invisible, blown, or both. But as Tiny K says - amazing how they all popped out for the sprint for 53rd place. Craig's pedal fell off going up Helshoogte (which if you know Craig, isn't that surprising). I was the remaining HotChillee rider in the bunch, while he chased to get back on. Almost made it at the Voor Paardeberg turn, but the wind put paid to those plans.

I had the privilege last year of working at this event in one of the lead cars (my report is here: www.velotales.com/2013/03/the-cape-rouleur-2013.html‎). It's not often you get to rub shoulders with former world champs, Epic winners, Springbok rugby players and about 200 other cycling obsessed people in the beautiful surrounds of the Western Cape. There is something for everyone, from the person doing their first multi-day stage event, to the pro wannabe who wants to measure himself against some of the best bike riders in the world. I'm fortunate enough to be riding this year, and can't wait. While it's not pure racing, there are timed sections, hill climbs and sprints each day to satisfy the competitive urges. It's an event that places the riders first, gives them a taste stage racing, while enjoying some of the best hospitality and views the Cape Winelands have to offer. PROLOGUE 7.6km, ascent 95m, max gradient 3.4% STAGE 1 127km, ascent 527m, max gradient 2% STAGE 2 147km, ascent 1939m, max gradient 8% STAGE 3 208km, ascent 2006m, max gradient 8% Festival Ride 112km, ascent 414m, max gradient 3% Check out the coverage from last year's event http://vimeo.com/61797001

The single speed still abuses me too much. It's still the boss and I have yet to master it. Maybe next year. But I like the beer idea

My race report http://www.velotales.com/2014/02/oak-valley-24hr-2014.html A disappointing performance at a fantastic event. It's great to see that real mountain biking is alive and well in the Western Cape. Well done Dirtopia.

Awesome write up Chris, and as usual, awesome photos.

"On the contrary, in the Netherlands, with the safest cycling of any country, less than 1% of adult cyclists wear helmets, and even among children, only 3–5% wear helmets (Dutch Bicycling Council, 2006; Netherlands Ministry of Transport, 2006)."

I've been waiting to post this link for ages, and it makes for fascinating reading: http://www.aviewfromthecyclepath.com/2010/08/brain-injuries-and-dutch-cyclist.html The conclusion: As GaryvdM points out - the health benefits greatly outway the risk of a serious head injury - using the WHO/Europe Health Economic Assessment Tool (http://heatwalkingcycling.org/), have a look at the benefits of cycling: That's just for 5% of the population. Imagine if they increased that to 10%, or in the case of the Dutch - 28%. Obviously, this is for gentle commuting to and from the shops, school, library etc, not bombing down some scary single track at a 24hr event.

Pieter was a machine - a fantastic solo ride from start to finish. Also - hats off to Tracey. Most of all - well done to Dirtopia. I'm so glad the numbers are up again - it's great to see the camp site crammed with tents and gazebos. The schools competition is a stroke of genius, and compared to previous years, the kids this year were polite and courteous when asking for track - despite the urgency of the racing.

Klein Joostenberg?

From my blog I still have that mesh tan on my back - 8 months later. although the angel wings have faded... I could have told Chris that mesh tops are a bad idea. And I think it crosses the Epic partner line by requesting that your partner have to rub suntan lotion on your back at 6 in the morning!

Thanks Hentus - I love the vote of confidence, but I'm getting old and slowly falling to pieces. Going with the idea of having fun and will see what happens. Even bringing the singlespeed along for some late night knee crunching fun. I see there are over 100 solo riders and 35 teams - this is like the old days. Should be loads of fun.