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This is how you advertise your second hand bike


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Raleigh Max Ogre fully rigid proper old skool steel mountain bike. This isn't any of your aluminum full suspension nonsense, this is a bike from the days when men were men. This bike will go with nearly any moustache.


Tyres have air in, wheels rotate through full 360 degrees, clockwise and anti-clockwise. Brakes work ok, this bike doesn't have the old caliper brakes as per pink girls plastic wheeled bikes, it is fitted with cantilever brakes (front and rear), this means it already has mounting pegs for state-of-the-art V-brakes, I wouldn't have thought you would need to upgrade the brakes however as even seemingly unpassable obstacles such as houses/trees will actually dive out of the way to avoid you when they see coming on this incredible piece of kit (yes kit), such will be your awesome presence.


Gears don't currently work, levers may have broken off of handlebars, actually that's a lie, for the levers to have broken off that would imply weakness, this bike decided it didn't want levers anymore. Chain does what it is supposed to, you rotate the cranks, chain turns the rear wheel (rear wheel drive) and the back wheel rotates the earth beneath you. This bike doesn't bunny hop, the world shifts out of its way!


To prove to you how good this bike is I will include a copy of the Jan 2012 copy of What Mountain Bike, there are bikes in there for £5000 etc, they don't have the Raleigh Max Ogre though, should be called Not Mountain Bike magazine.


I tried to start bidding at the price I think this bike is worth (I say bike, you are actually buying a lifestyle choice). However having held done the zero button for 4 hours it has now broken.


Any questions please ask.




Question & Answer

Q: If Chuck Norris was to ride a bike would this be his choice? Cos if its good enough for him I may be interested. A: Unfortunately not. Chuck Norris doesn't need a bike. He stares at the ground until a hole appears, gets in it, then pedals the world round until the place he wants to be gets to him. Having said that, if for example he wanted to go to Switzerland to ski, they would simply re-name the country he was in to Switzerland and he would make it snow using his mind.


Q: If I bid £6.00 and win do you include free 1st class postage to anywhere in the UK? You dont say what size it is........I am 3'7" - will it fit me?

A: If bidding reaches £6 I will take the bike outside and give it a hard push in roughly the right direction, e.g Scotland North or France South, I would have thought it could make it to you. As for fitment, can you ride a horse? This bike looks like an extra large (can't guarantee it though) and as such is smaller than a horse, so you should be fine.


Q: I don't actually want to buy a bike, but I could do with being a bit more manly. Will purchasing this bike help me? A: For you to ask my advice about becoming more manly, you must believe that I am more manly than you. Yet you do not know me, so what could possibly make you think I am the more manly of us two? It is simple, I am the owner of this bike. I believe your question has been answered.



Edited by Catatonic_Joe
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