Simply The Breast for Berg & Bush

[Daville]

To all Berg & Bush riders looking for that competitive edge - look no further!

 

I was afforded the opportunity to do the Cape Pioneer but had already paid for an entry to the Berg n Bush which overlaps by a day. My wife, who recently gave birth to our beautiful baby girl, decided to take my spot - but we are now faced with the challenge of maintaining her milk production whilst away from our guzzling bundle of joy.

 

It then dawned on us that a "supply and demand" scenario was in fact staring us right in the face, or breasts for that matter.

 

It's no secret that the benefits of breast milk on athletic performance is quite profound. It also no secret that breast feeding mothers who do not release their milk supplies regularly, end up with rather swollen and often uncomfortable  breasts, but also run the risk of losing their production whilst away from the feeding child.

 

In order to prevent this undesired outcome for my wife, she has no option but to express whilst at the event - directly after completing the days ride and a few more times until the start of the next stage. As there is no practical way of storing the expressed milk for later use, she has little choice but to 'pump and dump' as the saying goes.

 

But wait, there is an alternative! At a small fee, she is willing to offer her 'protein shake' - which by the way is ADA approved - to all riders looking for that competitive edge. We estimate that she can produce anything from a litre, to 1.5 litres per day. 

 

Menu items include:

 

Sip the Nip

A delicious 25ml serving of mothers milk prepared to a perfect 37°C, served in a crystal shot glass moulded in the shape of a delightful little breast.

 

ZAR 20.00 p/25ml serving

 

The C-Cup

A delicious 250ml serving of mothers milk prepared to a perfect 37°C, served in a replica 1937 Bennets Baby Cup moulded from the highest quality BPA free plastics. (Definitely a Collectors Item)

 

ZAR 200.00 p/250ml serving

 

The Jug

For the more serious competitor looking to feed on the oppositions weakness, we are also open to the sale of an entire days supply of ‘jug juice', but in order to preserve quality, refrigerated storage is needed which will affect the price. The Jug is served in a NUK baby bottle shaped ‘bidon’ (or sports bottle for the less refined cyclists).

 

ZAR 1000.00 p/1L serving

 

So for anybody serious about performing at their highest level, message me directly for contact details and kiosk operating hours at the 2014 instalment of Berg and Bush. 

 

At Simply the Breast, our milkshakes bring both the boys and the girls to the yard.

 

[Pulse]

Funny!

 

Lets see what they say about this 'supply and demand' scenario

[Boerklong]

Daar kots ek nou so bietjie in my mond

[BarHugger]

Nothing like the a dash of HMB direct from the factory to minimize the catabolic effect on muscle mass during prolonged multistage endurance events. Maybe also with some added colostrum for protein synthesis. No artificial lab concoctions and 100% natural.

[Guest notmyname]

Golly. This is going to get messy.

[Stretch]

I really don't know if you are being serious or not...but I could barely sample my own wife's milk...let alone a complete stranger

[mrbaker]

WTF?????

[fanievb]

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwg6nhGmaF1qzjix8.gif

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/hrk.gif

[fabes]

Bottled or straight from the tap?

[fabes]

I really don't know if you are being serious or not...but I could barely sample my own wife's milk...let alone a complete stranger

So you did try?

[Gnarly]

Can I drink straight from the "bottle"?

[Wil6]

Liewe ouers

[GrantRH]

I heard for best results it needs to be consumed directly.

[Sniffie]

Must say, I am more interested in the containers than the contents. 

[rouxtjie]

I am in for a cappuccino...how well does it froth?

[Stretch]

So you did try?

 

I reckon everyone has at least one tittychino when their wife is breastfeeding with the first child