MotoGP

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Stoner crashed, but was fast too. Cal just crashes

 

I really don't understand HRC with him. I think possibly it was done to help LCR get a 2nd rider though, more than signing Cal.

He is so inconsistent and yet they sign him as a test mule. In Jerez he was given the ONLY new factory exhaust system and cartwheeled it to bits on like lap 2 or 3!!!!

He is quick but everything has to be perfect, cannot ride around problems or compensate.......

[Patchelicious]

I really don't understand HRC with him. I think possibly it was done to help LCR get a 2nd rider though, more than signing Cal.

He is so inconsistent and yet they sign him as a test mule. In Jerez he was given the ONLY new factory exhaust system and cartwheeled it to bits on like lap 2 or 3!!!!

He is quick but everything has to be perfect, cannot ride around problems or compensate.......

Reminds me a bit of Randy de Puniet, except that when Randy was on it, he was insane fast.

 

Maybe it has to do with him being British, and all the good coverage that comes with being British?

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Reminds me a bit of Randy de Puniet, except that when Randy was on it, he was insane fast.

 

Maybe it has to do with him being British, and all the good coverage that comes with being British?

 

That's probably it as well as Dorn wanting a Japanese rider which is who LCR is looking at employing. Takahashi from Moto2, must say I don't think he has what's needed for the GP bikes but lets see.......

[Popit]

6 more sleeps till MotoGP returns ...... Yippee !!

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Dear George,

Before you start screaming and breaking things, just hear me out.

We’re going to give you a new fairing for the Brno round. We’ve been working on it while you were off trying on sunglasses over the summer break, and we got Danilo to test it at Misano.

Danilo will ride anything we give him, just as long as it’s painted red. Just for a laugh one day during the test, we dyed a mule red and sent him out for a few laps.

Bastard rode that poor animal like a heathen. He had the screaming beast cranked so far over in the turns its hooves were kicking up sparks as it scrabbled for traction. He didn’t even know it was a mule for like maybe five laps. He said later he thought its braying and screeching was coming from your motorhome.

But he was still about half-a-second a lap faster than you. Now don’t go crazy. It was a pretty fit mule, and Danilo was whipping it like a disobedient slave.

I know you wanted winglets. But winglets are banned this year, remember? Especially since you also wanted them installed on your helmet, boots, gloves and back.

And we also know that no matter how many Japanese sex-octopuses we force into your rear cowling, how much telemetry we install in the engine, or how wonderful you think your new Mambodromic valves are, at the end of the day, we need to make the bike more stable.

That way, on those now rare occasions when you twist the throttle, you won’t squirt yellow fright-pee from your bottom, and all things being equal, you won’t qualify in last place again.

And Danilo liked the new fairing. “The Misano test was good,” he said. “I was surprised by how many things Ducati built during the first part of the season.” I think he was looking at your bike when he said that.

Because we’re not surprised.  We’re up to George Seat Number 97. There is no more super-grip MotoGP-seat material left on this earth and we’re now having to recycle the stuff you rejected after Qatar.

So this is all about “downforce”, George. Without getting too technical, downforce is a combination of air resistance and gravity and has the effect of pushing the bike down towards the ground while giving it increased stability.

Don’t overthink it. You don’t need to know how sausages are made.

I know you wanted me to create “butterforce” to help you go faster, but we’re running out of places to put your special-needs technology.

Mario did suggest we fit your bike with a 44-litre topbox, which would hold several more octopi and a heap more telemetry, and we could have even incorporated a back-rest onto it, so you could rest on the straights.

But Carmelo told me to **** off when I ran the idea past him. He then threatened to drug-test me and beat me with wet ropes, and we can’t have that.

And speaking of being beaten with wet ropes, Matthias told me he bought some really fine lengths of thick sisal and some buckets he plans to fill with seawater. He wants to show them to you at some stage.

So there you have it. You don’t have to use the new fairing. But it’s there if you do.

Don’t be late for practice. They’re not going to wait for you.

Still hopeful,

Gigi.

[Popit]

22 Second lead after 5 laps ..... MM93 you Biscuit !!!

[Wannabe]

What a stroke of strategic brilliance by MM93. The race was effectively his to loose as soon as he came out of Pit lane. Rossi and kie caught napping again....

[Patchelicious]

I could have sworn that I saw JL upfront at one stage, was at Hooters so wast concentrating on the TV much?

[bertusras]

What a stroke of strategic brilliance by MM93. The race was effectively his to loose as soon as he came out of Pit lane. Rossi and kie caught napping again....

 

Like the commentators said, I think that they never actually intended to start on wets, but they didn't want to give the game away. So they took the soft option, went hard for two laps, pitted and blew everyone else away. 

[bertusras]

I could have sworn that I saw JL upfront at one stage, was at Hooters so wast concentrating on the TV much?

 

I was actually surprised (both ways) by Lorenzo. He was mega fast at the start of the race, in changing conditions which he's usually woeful at, but then completely faded after his bike change. His laptimes were not bad on slicks, but I think he just lost so much ground during the bike swap, that he never made it back. And his bike wasn't actually ready when he came in to pit...

[Patchelicious]

I was actually surprised (both ways) by Lorenzo. He was mega fast at the start of the race, in changing conditions which he's usually woeful at, but then completely faded after his bike change. His laptimes were not bad on slicks, but I think he just lost so much ground during the bike swap, that he never made it back. And his bike wasn't actually ready when he came in to pit...

You are right, Im was very surprised that he was infront, especially considering where he qualified. His qualifying and race result wasn't that surprising though.

 

I missed the MM move, but from what I have read, it was a stroke of luck more than anything else?

[Wannabe]

You are right, Im was very surprised that he was infront, especially considering where he qualified. His qualifying and race result wasn't that surprising though.

 

I missed the MM move, but from what I have read, it was a stroke of luck more than anything else?

 

 

Not so sure. His spare bike was set up for completely dry race, that's why he got do a lightning bike change and build up a 20 sec buffer over the other chaps in the 2 rounds it took most other teams to get their spare bikes swopped to dry spec.

 

Whether it was luck or planning, it worked in his favor. Once the other guys got their dry bikes, he was waaayyy ahead, and only had to manage his gap.

Edited August 7, 2017 by Wannabe

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Not so sure. His spare bike was set up for completely dry race, that's why he got do a lightning bike change and build up a 20 sec buffer over the other chaps in the 2 rounds it took most other teams to get their spare bikes swopped to dry spec.

 

Whether it was luck or planning, it worked in his favor. Once the other guys got their dry bikes, he was waaayyy ahead, and only had to manage his gap.

 

Yammie boys dropped the ball yet again, reckon there are a few Ferrari F1 strategists moonlighting there.

I also see the message system didn't help much with getting the guys to pit........

Honda called it right, spare bikes set up for a dry race from the start, caught everyone napping.

No luck, just well deserved......

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

 

Dear George,

Before you start screaming and breaking things, just hear me out.

We’re going to give you a new fairing for the Brno round. We’ve been working on it while you were off trying on sunglasses over the summer break, and we got Danilo to test it at Misano.

Danilo will ride anything we give him, just as long as it’s painted red. Just for a laugh one day during the test, we dyed a mule red and sent him out for a few laps.

Bastard rode that poor animal like a heathen. He had the screaming beast cranked so far over in the turns its hooves were kicking up sparks as it scrabbled for traction. He didn’t even know it was a mule for like maybe five laps. He said later he thought its braying and screeching was coming from your motorhome.

But he was still about half-a-second a lap faster than you. Now don’t go crazy. It was a pretty fit mule, and Danilo was whipping it like a disobedient slave.

I know you wanted winglets. But winglets are banned this year, remember? Especially since you also wanted them installed on your helmet, boots, gloves and back.

And we also know that no matter how many Japanese sex-octopuses we force into your rear cowling, how much telemetry we install in the engine, or how wonderful you think your new Mambodromic valves are, at the end of the day, we need to make the bike more stable.

That way, on those now rare occasions when you twist the throttle, you won’t squirt yellow fright-pee from your bottom, and all things being equal, you won’t qualify in last place again.

And Danilo liked the new fairing. “The Misano test was good,” he said. “I was surprised by how many things Ducati built during the first part of the season.” I think he was looking at your bike when he said that.

Because we’re not surprised.  We’re up to George Seat Number 97. There is no more super-grip MotoGP-seat material left on this earth and we’re now having to recycle the stuff you rejected after Qatar.

So this is all about “downforce”, George. Without getting too technical, downforce is a combination of air resistance and gravity and has the effect of pushing the bike down towards the ground while giving it increased stability.

Don’t overthink it. You don’t need to know how sausages are made.

I know you wanted me to create “butterforce” to help you go faster, but we’re running out of places to put your special-needs technology.

Mario did suggest we fit your bike with a 44-litre topbox, which would hold several more octopi and a heap more telemetry, and we could have even incorporated a back-rest onto it, so you could rest on the straights.

But Carmelo told me to **** off when I ran the idea past him. He then threatened to drug-test me and beat me with wet ropes, and we can’t have that.

And speaking of being beaten with wet ropes, Matthias told me he bought some really fine lengths of thick sisal and some buckets he plans to fill with seawater. He wants to show them to you at some stage.

So there you have it. You don’t have to use the new fairing. But it’s there if you do.

Don’t be late for practice. They’re not going to wait for you.

Still hopeful,

Gigi.

 

 

That's so funny, who writes this stuff???

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

That's so funny, who writes this stuff???

http://www.bikeme.tv/

 

It's bloody hilarious! 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

“They cannot ride fast when their private parts are rotting with the disease of whores.”

Dear Gigi,

I am ready to start the fight for the championship now. As you know, so far I have been working very hard to get a good feel for the telemetry, and it is not my fault those stupid mechanic putas you hired could not put the right seat on my Ducati.

But I feel the Mambadromic valves have finally bedded in. I could feel them going KLAKLAKLAKLAKLAK when I was revving the bike this afternoon. So good job.

I have had an excellent holiday and I have rested and recharged while those other idiots have been testing, training, dancing in nightclubs with oily sluts, and pretending like they have a chance against the Spartan Resurgent!

They are so stupid. Now they are tired and stink of syphilis, and I am fresh and have a nice tan. They cannot ride fast when their private parts are rotting with the disease of whores. I will take their tears of failure and lubricate my chain with them. Well, not me. One of the mechanics will do that.

I have played golf and I have eaten ice-cream with my friends. I have even had some very good massages. I have worked on my book and added a new chapter called Look At The Horns On My Race Number. And I have found some very nice sunglasses I can wear when I am having coffee with my friend, Ronaldo.

I did not get any sunglasses for you, Gigi. You do not look good in them.

http://www.bikeme.tv/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/20616842_1933940796893950_5902178855268100697_o.jpgRonaldo think I look very hot in these. And I do. They have the Austrian flag on them.

This weekend will be the start of my conquest of the 2017 MotoGP championship. I can feel it in my butter.

The Yellow Puta is finished. The Traitor Puta is also finished. My team-mate, the Sad-Eyed Puta, is too busy crying like a woman whose good Catholic husband beats her for ruining the paella. He will not win at Brno because I will ruin his paella.

The rest of them would be smart to not even come to the track. Except that madman, Crutchlow. He makes me laugh when he rolls his crazy eyes and chews his boots after he crashes. He can come.

This weekend, Gigi, you will see the Mamba of Legend. I have already told the stupid Rich Boy Puta whose father owns the rubbish racetrack and the pretend-country, that his smelly pretend-country will be re-named Lorenzovakia on Monday morning. And Prague will be known as Hot Butter City, because no-one can pronounce Prague. Is it Prah-goo? Prah-gway? Prah-goo-ee?

He must vacuum the streets and disinfect the smelly Lorenzovakian people before he leaves.

So you will please make plans for my victory celebration, Gigi. After the race, I would like to ride around the track on a golden carriage towed by 12 white bulls which have been shaved and greased with butter so they glisten in the sun.

Now behind the carriage, and this is important, will be a chain made of 99 links. And attached to that chain will be the Yellow Puta’s stupid Yamaha, which I will drag on its side behind my carriage until it catches fire. This may take a few laps.

And make sure all the people at the racetrack get big bags full of flowers so they can toss them in the air as I roll past in my carriage and salute them with my spear. Like a king.

Prepare to crown me, Gigi. The time has come.

Love,

George.