I have an idea for a new thread...

Iwan Kemp · September 15, 2011

Hop on over to this site for some of the funniest emails out there.

Clumsy SellerPosted at: 2011-03-20 14:05:09Original ad:

MULTI-DISC CD player wanted

WTB a CD changer that can hold at least 50 CDs. Must be in good condition. Email or call 215-***-****From Me to *********@*********.org:

Hello,

I am selling my 60-Disc Technics SL-MC4 CD changer. This thing is in excellent condition and works great. I have included a picture of it. I'm asking $75 for it. Please let me know if you are interested.

Best,

Mike

Attachments:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/cd1.gif

From Steve ******* to Me:

Mike, the CD player looks good. Does it have a remote? If so, I can pick it up tomorrow. Where do you live?

Steve

From Me to Steve *******:

Steve,

It does have a remote. Tomorrow works for me, I work in Manayunk near the hospital and can bring the CD player to work with me. We can meet anywhere around there in the afternoon.

Just one minor thing though, and I truly am sorry about this, but I accidentally tripped over the CD player in the dark earlier and chipped the side of the plastic cover. There isn't a screen there and it does not affect the performance whatsoever, but I just thought I should let you know. I've included a picture of the small chip.

Mike

Attachments:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/cd2.gif

From Steve ******* to Me:

No worries... That is fine. What's your phone number? Mine is 215-***-****.

From Me to Steve *******:

Steve, I'm really sorry, but I accidentally damaged it a little more. I really should have moved it out of the middle of the hallway, because I just tripped over it again. Unfortunately I was wearing steel-tipped boots and cracked the plastic cover around the screen. A few of the buttons got mashed in as well. You can still play songs 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, and 9, though. Or just use the remote. It still plays CDs fine, and I've included a picture of it powered on so you can see that it still works.

Once again, I am terribly sorry about this. I am going to knock $10 off of the price for your inconvenience.

Mike

Attachments:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/cd3.gif

From Steve ******* to Me:

Could you drop the price down to $50? That looks pretty bad.

From Me to Steve *******:

Sure. It is my fault for tripping over it anyway.

From Me to Steve *******:

Hey, it's me again. I was loading the CD player into my trunk to bring to work tomorrow, but then my friend called me and I got distracted. Long story short, I forgot the CD player was behind my car and I accidentally backed over it a little bit when I went to go to Wawa. Thankfully I hit the brakes before I crushed anything important, but the back frame is a little bent.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/cd4.gif

I assure you that the CD player still works. On the bright side, the car must have popped that chipped plastic cover off of the front, so now you can clearly see the real screen. I think it looks better, don't you? From the front, staring at it head on, you can't even tell that the back is bashed in like that. Seeing as I improved the looks from the front, I am going to bump the price back up to $60.

I am going to try my best to bend the metal frame back to the way it was. Once again, I am very sorry about this.

Mike

From Steve ******* to Me:

Are you kidding me? That thing is ruined. What a freaking klutz you are! How didn't you realize it was behind your car?

From Steve ******* to Me:

Oh, and you have the nerve to charge me MORE money for breaking it worse?

From Me to Steve *******:

Don't worry, I can fix it. I'm working on fixing it right now.

From Me to Steve *******:

Okay, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, the CD player still works. The bad news is that I was smoking a cigar while I was trying to repair it, and it accidentally set part of the CD player on fire.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/cd5.gif

As you can see from the picture, some of the CD player has melted. Thanks to my 2 months experience as a volunteer firefighter, my instincts kicked in and I was able to extinguish the flames with my coffee before too much of the CD player melted. It still can hold about 33-35 CDs, and all that stuff that melted on the right side wasn't important anyway.

Unfortunately, I drink expensive coffee and it was nearly full when I had to use it to put out the fire. Therefore, I am adding another $3 to the price of the CD player to bring the grand total to $63.

Once again, the CD player still works. I think it sounds even better than before. It is now in my trunk and ready to be sold to you tomorrow. I'll give you a call when I have my lunch break so we can meet up for the sale.

Thanks,

Mike

From Steve ******* to Me:

You must be stupid if you think I'll pay $63 for the charred remains of your CD player. I can't believe how badly you managed to **** that thing up. How are you still alive? How have you managed to make it this far in life, when CLEARLY you are too foolish to keep even a CD player from being burned to a crisp? I really want to know! Please, Mike, tell me.

From Me to Steve *******:

I'm sorry if I upset you by bumping the price up to $63. Let's just call it $60. Deal?

From Steve ******* to Me:

...how are you this dumb?

CAAD4 · September 15, 2011

There is one for sale at a car dealership opposite lakeside mall in benoni

Are you sure it's an Eleanor? There are very few originals in S.A. Most are body kit wannabees.

Ceres · September 15, 2011

Eleanor

Not big into American cars but I would not say no to this Mustang.

Edited September 15, 2011 by Ceres

Wyatt Earp · September 15, 2011

That's the best thing I have ever seen happen to a Technics CD player, and especially those old multi disc jobs.

Slowbee · September 15, 2011

This is awesome (even comes with pics)

https://community.bikehub.co.za/topic/107871-ash-2nd-at-tour-dardeche-uci-22-race/

Stretch · September 15, 2011

so, time out came up with the top comedy of all time.....

good list but some notable ommissions

1. This Is Spinal Tap

2. Airplane!

3. Monty Python's Life of Brian

4. Annie Hall

5. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

6. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

7. Withnail and I

8. Groundhog Day

9. Some Like it Hot

10. The Jerk

Edited September 15, 2011 by Stretch

Caerus · September 16, 2011

Is this also a view to a kill??

This reminds me of a trip to the seaside when I was living in the UK, I was with my girlfriend of the time and we went rambling along the coastline, and came across what we thought was a "secluded" beach, with it being a beautiful day, the vibe and fresh air and we were feeling slightly amorous, so while in the middle of "business" we had failed to hear or notice that a Military Helicopter had flown over and was dropping guys into the sea, the next minute a boat comes flying up onto the beach about 20 metres away, and all these soldiers coming storming the beach, parachutists started landing around us, we had happened to stop at the beach where they were doing training and beach landings. :lol: I've never had a "mood" change so fast in all my life

TNT1 · September 16, 2011

Best. Roommate. Ever.

Date: 2011-08-16, 10:06AM PDT

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass ******* roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You ******* found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York ******* City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky ****-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post **** like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no ******* clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a **** if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your ****. If you leave **** out, I'm just like, "Oh **** I better not mess with this ****, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. **** it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that **** in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's ******* FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your ******* socks off.

I also read a lot. I ******* LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that ****. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. ******* smart. Do you like movies? I ******* love them. We can watch the **** out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE **** YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James ******* Taylor. AWWWWWW **** YEA!

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I ******* LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty ******* cool right?

I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you **** already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your ******* mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.

cats are OK - purrr

dogs are OK - wooof

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 2549849730

TNT1 · September 16, 2011

Jedi Needed To Induce Labor

Data: 2011-06-15, 5:35PM EDT

I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.

I was hoping that tonight's full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I'm looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way's of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!

Location: Springfield, MA

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: Used Light Saber

IDannuncio: 2442771514

TNT1 · September 16, 2011

Original ad:

looking for a jeep comanche. must be running and in good condition. can pay up to $500. offers for other trucks will be ignored.

From Mike Partlow to *********@*********.org:

Hey, I couldn't help but notice your ad looking for a Comanche. I don't have one, but seeing as it is such a rare car I figured I'd help you out and put you in touch with a friend of mine who is selling his. Would you like his contact information?

Mike

From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:

yeah that would be great thanks

From Mike Partlow to Joel *******:

Okay, it is ***********@gmail.com. Just tell him Mike sent ya.

Mike

From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:

ok thanks

From Joel ******* to Leo D:

hey there your friend mike told me that you were interested in selling your jeep comanche?

From Leo D to Joel *******:

Ugh...freaking Mike. I'm sorry. Mike is an idiot. I told him that I knew a guy selling a Comanche. I'm not selling one. If you want I can have that guy contact you. I'll give his email address: *******@yahoo.com

Sorry about that.

Leo

From Joel ******* to Leo D:

okay...

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

hey your friend leo told me you were selling a comanche?

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Ah, Leo! I haven't talked to him in forever! How's he doing?

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

i dunno. i just met him online

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Do me a favor, will ya? Tell Leo that Chris asked how he's doing?

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

are you selling a jeep comanche?

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

What did Leo say?

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

he said he is good

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Great! Anyway, I'm not selling the Comanche, my brother is. Can I give him your email address so he can get in touch with you? His name is Randy.

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

oh god dammit. fine give him my email

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Will do!

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Hey, I just talked to Leo. He said you didn't tell him I asked how he was doing! Why did you lie to me?

From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

look i dont give a **** man i just want to buy a fuckin comanche and you keep dicking me around. who gives a **** how hes doing if you were talking to him then why the **** didnt you just ******* ask him? for christ's sake just ******* put me through to the guy selling the comanche already

From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

Calm down, son. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I just got off the phone with Randy and he is going to email you shortly.

From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

Hello! Is this Joe?

From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

no my name is joel

From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

Oh, my mistake. I must have misheard Chris. I couldn't really hear him over the phone. He is using one of those new "smart phones" but personally I think they sound terrible. You won't find me using one of those, no sir. My good-ol-fashioned land line phone will do me just fine. Everyone always tells me I sound very clear on my phone, they ask me "Randy, how do you sound so crisp and clear on your phone?" and I tell them "I'm using a land line! If you want to sound clear, take your cell phone and throw it in the trash!" This new technology is a load of garbage if you ask me. You don't use a cell phone, do ya Joe? I wouldn't if I were you. Anyway, I just got off the phone with Chris. He tells me you are interested in buying my Jeep Cherokee?

From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

no a jeep COMANCHE. please tell me you have a comanche not a fuckign cherokee

From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

Ah, the Jeep Comanche! A fine vehicle. Mine was a 1994, had a lot of good times in that truck. Once I drove that truck all the way to Newark! Couldn't believe it made it, but that truck was one tough son-of-a-bitch. It was a long trip but I just popped in my Johnny Cash cassette tapes and I was set for the whole ride. Do you listen to Johnny Cash? Great man, he was. Anyway, the Comanche. I was selling that, yes. Unfortunately, I sold it to a guy about a month ago. Real nice guy who bought it, I'm trying to remember his name. I remember thinking it was Mike but it wasn't Mike. It was something foreign...I'm leaning towards "Mikel."

From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

i dont give a **** what his name is asshole. what the **** you ******* idiots just wasted my ******* time for nothing

From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

Boy, Chris was right when he said you were an angry lad. Relax, I've got some good news for you. Mikel loved the Comanche, but he has to move far away and is unable to take the truck with him. Therefore he is trying to sell the truck. He tried to sell it back to me for 500 bucks, but I told him "Mikel, why in the hell would I need the Comanche? I just bought a new F150!" You should see my F150, it is really nice. Perfect for hauling my ATVs to Chris's house. Chris has a lot of property up in Hagerstown and we love to go offroading there with his pal Leo. Leo sure is a crazy son-of-a-bitch! Speaking of Leo, what's this I hear about you lying to Chris about asking Leo how he's doing? Why would you do that?

From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

ENOUGH WITH THE RANTS JUST SHUT UP!!!!! HOLY **** WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE **** UP!? I DONT GIVE A **** ABOUT ANY OF YOUR **** ASS STORIES JUST GIVE ME THE ******* GUY WHO IS SELLING THE COMANCHE!!! GOT THAT? NOT HIS SON, NOT HIS ******* BROTHER, JUST THE GUY WITH THE TRUCK. QUIT WASTING MY ******* TIME

From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

Jeez, you sure are an angry fella! Don't like to talk much, do ya? I understand you're just trying to buy a truck. You're all business, I respect that. You're going to want to email Mikel. I am confident he is still trying to sell the truck. You'll love it, its a real beaut. Mikel's email address is ***********@hotmail.com