Wheelset + Wife

[Disher]

my word.... that slightly bent thing between your @ss and your head..... called a spine.   - if the bills are paid and your finances in order what is the problem?? if you can afford them go and buy the new wheels for goodness sake.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

How do you tell your wife you "need" a new wheelset that is worth R15k ? 

 

Tell her you "need" a R30k wheelset then negotiate down to R15k.

[blondeonabike]

It is very interesting how people talk  about "my" money and "her" money.

I think I am a little old fashioned because when I vowed to love one man till death do we part I thought it meant that we were a team in this life. Our decisions are made together and we share an account.

 

My husband makes lots more money than I do.  No wonder, he has been building a career while I have been raising kids and I only can work part time now. I am grateful that he understands that this does not entitle him to spend money how and when he pleases.

 

So if we are going to start talking about "his" and "hers" then we need to find a way to price all stuff I do that I don't get paid for, so I know how much money I can blow.  I'm sure looking after his elderly folks should be worth at least two grand a month? See how stupid this thinking is.....

[GLuvsMtb]

It is very interesting how people talk  about "my" money and "her" money.

I think I am a little old fashioned because when I vowed to love one man till death do we part I thought it meant that we were a team in this life. Our decisions are made together and we share an account.

 

My husband makes lots more money than I do.  No wonder, he has been building a career while I have been raising kids and I only can work part time now. I am grateful that he understands that this does not entitle him to spend money how and when he pleases.

 

So if we are going to start talking about "his" and "hers" then we need to find a way to price all stuff I do that I don't get paid for, so I know how much money I can blow.  I'm sure looking after his elderly folks should be worth at least two grand a month? See how stupid this thinking is.....

This is the essence of most of these arguments. On the flipside you cannot cost the added stress of being the main (or sole) breadwinner and the indirect costs thereof. I do however see the relevance where one spouse makes a sacrifice in order to assist the family financially and the other spends indiscriminately despite the sacrifices made by the other half.

[GLuvsMtb]

https://youtu.be/rgDtgyzVZYk

[blondeonabike]

This is the essence of most of these arguments. On the flipside you cannot cost the added stress of being the main (or sole) breadwinner and the indirect costs thereof. I do however see the relevance where one spouse makes a sacrifice in order to assist the family financially and the other spends indiscriminately despite the sacrifices made by the other half.

^^^^This.....because when both people in a marriage are not 100% committed to each other is where all the trouble starts.  There is no place for selfishness in a marriage. 

[hayleyearth]

It is very interesting how people talk  about "my" money and "her" money.

I think I am a little old fashioned because when I vowed to love one man till death do we part I thought it meant that we were a team in this life. Our decisions are made together and we share an account.

 

My husband makes lots more money than I do.  No wonder, he has been building a career while I have been raising kids and I only can work part time now. I am grateful that he understands that this does not entitle him to spend money how and when he pleases.

 

So if we are going to start talking about "his" and "hers" then we need to find a way to price all stuff I do that I don't get paid for, so I know how much money I can blow.  I'm sure looking after his elderly folks should be worth at least two grand a month? See how stupid this thinking is.....

 

I am a 100% your money and my money person.

Saying that I do like to 'spoil' someone too (I can actually do that too easily), but if he wants to spend R30k on bike parts (or other non needed things) it should not be 'on my expense on other grounds' like me ending up having to pay for the next 10 dinners or the next holiday away or me hearing "I cant go because I don't have money"...joh then I go 

 

I also don't want to explain why I just paid Rxxxxx amount on bike stuff - because I am financially capable to cover all my own life expenses.

 

I understand that this is not the way most people are doing it and that it might be a 'new' way of thinking/living. My older sis rely 100% on her husband and I cringe at the thought of having to ask someone for money or when I want to buy something. My dad paid for my studies and all living costs during University and it was really the most emotional draining experience/time of my life.

 

So ja, if my partner wants to spend Rxxxx amount on whatever (not hookers etc, but ja..hahaha) then I wont have a problem with it unless he is going in debt and or it means I will have to carry some of his other contributions somewhere else.

 

*Different approach between needed and wanted purchases*

[blondeonabike]

I am a 100% your money and my money person.

Saying that I do like to 'spoil' someone too (I can actually do that too easily), but if he wants to spend R30k on bike parts (or other non needed things) it should not be 'on my expense on other grounds' like me ending up having to pay for the next 10 dinners or the next holiday away or me hearing "I cant go because I don't have money"...joh then I go 

 

I also don't want to explain why I just paid Rxxxxx amount on bike stuff - because I am financially capable to cover all my own life expenses.

 

I understand that this is not the way most people are doing it and that it might be a 'new' way of thinking/living. My older sis rely 100% on her husband and I cringe at the thought of having to ask someone for money or when I want to buy something. My dad paid for my studies and all living costs during University and it was really the most emotional draining experience/time of my life.

 

So ja, if my partner wants to spend Rxxxx amount on whatever (not hookers etc, but ja..hahaha) then I wont have a problem with it unless he is going in debt and or it means I will have to carry some of his other contributions somewhere else.

 

*Different approach between needed and wanted purchases*

I agree with you that this maybe a sensible approach for people who do not have children.  My husband and I have three children so we have had to plan for their futures together.  Our kids, our responsibility.  We need to provide them with a decent tertiary education, with that on the horizon soon my husband and I are both very sober about what we need to save. If it were just about him and I we could probably be more financially independent of one another, but we are a "we" - a family.

 

When my babies were still small I did not earn a penny  and my self esteem suffered a little to be honest. I did feel vulnerable at times being completely financially dependent on someone else. There is11 years between him and I so one day when he retires and peddles his bike all day I'll be bringing home the bacon.

 

I can see that you are a very independent person. My sister is still single at 33 and has a fancy job jetsetting all over Europe. She cringes when she visits me and we go shopping. If I'm going to swipe the debit card for more than a grand I call my husband to tell him, so that he knows whats going on when his cellphone beeps with notifications from the bank.  She thinks I'm crazy.  

[hayleyearth]

*snipped a bit out* 

 

There is 11 years between him and I so one day when he retires and peddles his bike all day I'll be bringing home the bacon.

 

I can see that you are a very independent person. My sister is still single at 331 and has a fancy job jetsetting all over Europe. She cringes when she visits me and we go shopping. If I'm going to swipe the debit card for more than a grand I call my husband to tell him, so that he knows whats going on when his cellphone beeps with notifications from the bank.  She thinks I'm crazy.

 

100% the same...you could be my older sis too!   

[Maniax]

If you buy it with your own money I don't see why you need to explain it. 

Be a man.

Hows that couch sleeping?

[BDF]

It is very interesting how people talk  about "my" money and "her" money.

I think I am a little old fashioned because when I vowed to love one man till death do we part I thought it meant that we were a team in this life. Our decisions are made together and we share an account.

 

My husband makes lots more money than I do.  No wonder, he has been building a career while I have been raising kids and I only can work part time now. I am grateful that he understands that this does not entitle him to spend money how and when he pleases.

 

So if we are going to start talking about "his" and "hers" then we need to find a way to price all stuff I do that I don't get paid for, so I know how much money I can blow.  I'm sure looking after his elderly folks should be worth at least two grand a month? See how stupid this thinking is.....

IMHO, this is spot on. My wife gave up her job when we had kids and has been a home mom for almost 15 years now. Not sure how once can put a "valuation" on that but  was a big decision for her (us) at the time. In hindsight, I would not have done it differently! We do all our financial planning in agreement. We share an account as well.

 

We don't withhold stuff from one another but we do so within the financial plans we have already agreed on.

 

I don't think its old fashioned I think it contributes to creating and sustaining a good marriage!

[Fat Boab]

IMHO, this is spot on. My wife gave up her job when we had kids and has been a home mom for almost 15 years now. Not sure how once can put a "valuation" on that but  was a big decision for her (us) at the time. In hindsight, I would not have done it differently! We do all our financial planning in agreement. We share an account as well.

 

We don't withhold stuff from one another but we do so within the financial plans we have already agreed on.

 

I don't think its old fashioned I think it contributes to creating and sustaining a good marriage!

 

Not wishing this on anyone, but a divorce attorney seems to have no problem doing that valuation.....

[LazyTrailRider]

I agree with you that this maybe a sensible approach for people who do not have children. 

 

This is pretty much what it boils down to.

 

My fiancé and I specifically don't plan on having kids and we both have successful, independent careers. We both pay for our own stuff, except that we share some expenses, those related to shared use. We have a synchronised spreadsheet which records and calculates equal split for groceries, restaurants, weekends away, holidays, home running costs, etc. I own the house, she pays me rent (at a fair rate  ) each month and the spreadsheet calculates who owes who what. If the amount goes over a threshold we determine, a payment is made to balance it.

 

Recently, I splurged a bit on bike stuff, so she's decided I can't have all the fun and is buying this soon. Hehe.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

This is pretty much what it boils down to.

 

My fiancé and I specifically don't plan on having kids and we both have successful, independent careers. We both pay for our own stuff, except that we share some expenses, those related to shared use. We have a synchronised spreadsheet which records and calculates equal split for groceries, restaurants, weekends away, holidays, home running costs, etc. I own the house, she pays me rent (at a fair rate ) each month and the spreadsheet calculates who owes who what. If the amount goes over a threshold we determine, a payment is made to balance it.

 

Recently, I splurged a bit on bike stuff, so she's decided I can't have all the fun and is buying this soon. Hehe.

Your wife can stay.

[NelAndre]

Be the person you want to be with.........problem solved....

[Paul Ruinaard]

I love the (bike)hub.

 

Start a string about a wheelset and end up with marital and financial counselling.