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NO SEX SINCE 1955

 

 

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted

by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

 

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is

something bothering you?"

 

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.."

 

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

 

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

 

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

 

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally

the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

 

"1955, ma'am."

 

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

 

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

 

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

 

 

 

(Gotta love military time)

This is hilarious....

 

 

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the

New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but,

boy, are these funny!)

 

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started

to dig.

 

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

 

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

 

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

 

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to

achieve them.

 

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it

all together.

 

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

 

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

 

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't

coming..

 

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a

week.

 

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out

1,000,000 others.

 

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

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