Honkdonk

And then - poof - just like that it was done. Over and out Court date set for 9 May. Office of the family advocate has agreed the settlement is fair and in favor of the children. Attorney paid his final statement of account Just on two years.. Now life begins again. I have social crowd, mostly fellow bicycle enthusiasts. I need to get my finances in order, this has totally wiped me out of everything. So the road is long. Work needs attention as this freelance thing is tough. Its good when it goes, but when its not there its very tough. Not to mention now being a provisional tax payer.. The sun is rising on a new dawn. Deep breaths and new beginnings

I signed off on my settlement agreement this morning. After nearly 2 years of going back and forth, she, being the plaintiff, backed off a lot of her initial demands. She could have just taken the easy road and not wasted all this time, but I guess these are the hoops we jump through and lessons we learn. We are proceeding with an unopposed divorce. I now have an agreed maintenance amount which I can afford, given my current self employed - read freelance status. I will contribute more when things are going better. We had an accrual in our ANC (which wasn't very well put together) and it worked in my favor as her estate is worth more than mine (house, business). I never wanted to go after that, but I used it as a bargaining tool for her to back off on some of her batshit crazy demands. The amount is irrelevant really. We came into the marriage on very different levels of adult. She was school, varsity, career whereas I was school, army, technikon, overseas, fart about until I got a full time job at the age of 32. Hence the value of our estates.. But we now have closure and are waiting on a court date and will hopefully be done by the end of the month, then we can all get on with our lives and move on. I need to be the father my children need and want and that relationship has taken a beating over the last 2 years, so there is work to be done on that front. I need to focus on getting my financial affairs in order as this has drained me (being retrenched and going freelance/contractor with no stable income is not for the faint at heart) I had a quiet sob in the car after I left my lawyer this morning. It was very emotional day.

I’m due a payout soon.. The itch is real!

Well done NML.. Hopefully the date will work out for me next year. I was due to do it but my ex spent the week away on business so I had the sprogs and it turned out to be my weekend with them after she got back.

I learned to iron in the army, starch and all. A skill I use about twice a month for when my house helper doesn't come for what ever reason. The iron and board were on my starter pack list when I moved into my own place. Put on some tunes or a You Yube playlist, crack a beer and away you go.. Speaking of starter pack lists - the bread bin was a total waste. A loaf of bread can last me a month.. the bread bin keeps pens and other odds and ends. The freezer keeps the bread..

Ask to see the breakdown of totals that get her to that amount. Mine had things like Uber, holiday expenses, an exorbitant amount for pet food, levies and insurance for her property she rents out. So go through it with a fine tooth comb..

I guess its natural to an extent to feel that way. Resentment is a product of many emotions brought on by years of (insert appropriate adjective here). It takes a clear head to channel the energy into the dustbin and to make sure that one bad experiance doesnt set the tone of what could lie ahead. Understand the mistakes you made/make were/are all self inflicted. Well, in my case anyway. Hence my reason to stay far away from getting involved until the dust has settled, both in the divorce and in my head. Learning from past mistakes maketh the path ahead free from rocks, weeds and sewage. I have a good mate who is going through the most torrid time with his soon to be ex. He has since moved on and found the most amazing, caring and understanding woman. How she puts up with the crap he has to deal with is a mystery. He told me that she is the total opposite to his ex and I can see it in their relationship. Without her I would really be concerned for his mental well being.

Parental Alienation - its a real thing..

Going on 2 years.. I kid you not. At times I miss companionship and intimacy, but then there are times when I dont and totally enjoy my own company - coming home after a long day at work and cracking a cold beer and just kicking back in my own space with my own selection of music. Its going to take a lot before I get involved again. I guess its symptomatic of the smothering blanket I was living under that got the better of me. The fairer sex are great company, make no mistake, and throughout my adult life I have enjoyed their company without the intimacy. No issues there. Right now I need to get my act together with work - being retrenched and starting up my own Pty requires focus. For me and my kids sake

Landy. Woman do all kids of crazy things in the immediate aftermath of a release/freedom/breakup/split or whatever you want to call it. Mine was on Tinder in no time and was very quick to point out to me that she was a catch and a good one at that. Then at some point I needed to get something out of what was my old side of the bed side cab and found a pack of rubbers. It didn't grate me at all. I'd moved on, years ago in my head, I didn't find her sexually attractive whatsoever anymore, the relationship was done. She was out to prove to her mates and which ever sad bastard fell pray to her stalkings. Turns out the guy who was there did a runner. Damaged goods with something to prove but its only ego. As I have said before here - the dating game is the last thing on my mind currently. I worked on Ultra this last weekend and seeing the dancers up close and personal was enough for me

So hard.. Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than those before.. The messaging doesn't stop. She just keeps sending them through. Like mortars from over the wall, or like a constant barrage from a battering ram at the door. Relentless. Insulting. Accusing. I read but I don't reply. I am not worthy as a father, not a good example to my kids etc etc. Its very hard to read and get on with life. I had to sit with my eldest daughters therapist last week to get some feedback on how she is holding out, and she is having a hard time of things, but what became apparent is how our two parenting styles are so different, and its also indicative of how different we are as people who were in a 11 year marriage. The ex does'nt filter information according to what a 10 year old should be told. She gets the full picture. Which, to my mind is wrong and unfair. It puts me in a very difficult place and if i try and talk to her (the youngest) about it she then feels caught in the middle, which way does she turn. Its all to mature for a 10 year old. She shouldn't be exposed to adult concepts like an accrual claim.. But the ex seems to think that honesty is the best policy, but its wrong in this case. One day at a time. Head up and keep smiling

I got a 1a start but cant make it anymore.. Gutted

Amazing.. I have followed this thread from day one. Make no mistake divorce is a ******. No other way of putting it. Sometime its doomed from the start, then other times people and circumstances change and then it all goes pear. We are all different and no two stores are the same - in love that is, the legal advice however is a different mug.. Last Friday was my 12th wedding anniversary, we were married for 10 years before I called it and left, or got kicked out depending on who you talk to. Hopefully it all gets wrapped up in the next few months and I can celebrate the beginnings of a new chapter. To all those that have been there - Cheers, I see you. To all those that are going there, and know it - Dont be afraid. To all those that are going there and dont know it - Wake up! To all those that aren't there - Make sure.. Life is an amazing journey and it need not be wasted on those who aren't worthy of sharing it with ypu. However we are not always a good judge at first and people change. Therein lies the truth of the uncertain constant dynamic.. Damn, time for another beer

Mine decided that she was going to stay put in the big fancy 1,7ha plot that now has a small zoo and costs and arm and a leg. There is NO down scaling as far as she is concerned. I see a rude awakening coming shortly

Haha. Cooking for one missions! What a ball ache. Tonights dinner becomes tomorrows lunch! The amount of wastage initially was crazy but I have since managed to streamline nicely and kept it to a minimum. I also work away a lot so get fed and watered on someone else's account which helps too. I learnt to cook when I was still married and have expanded on my depth of meals since. When my kids my come over I do a good stock up of the fridge and cupboards and it does me well for a while after. Candleit dinners for one arent exactly romantic but at least you dont have to do the washing up straight away and you can choose your menu, backgorund music and beverage choice. There is a sense of joy in finding yourself again. I live like a bachelor, but not te student type as I was years ago, but a professional one with bikes taking the place of ashtrays and empty bankies of DP.. I havent had the pleasure of enjoying the joys of the female species again, but I couldnt be bothered to be honest. I dont hang out in bars nor do I give a rats ass for dating sites and apps like Tinder. All in good time, buth there are other more important things to focus on. All I know is that the next time I get involved things will be very different.

I am 18 months into the process and only recently had summons served... its a story. A long one.. Lawyer up immediately. It costs money but it will cost more if you dont. You dont need to pay for her lifestyle, but the costs associated will filter through into what you need to pay over in terms of kids etc. Financials are a potential minefield. You pay what you can afford. You cant pay over to her a chunk of cash and then you survive on beans and toast while you live in a cardboard box... Emotions run high and things will be tense for a while and you need to keep a cool head. There have been many times when I have had to bite my tongue and refrain myself from replying to some of the most nastiest, insulting messages ever. Be the bigger person in this process. The best option is to not communicate at all, unless it is to do with the kids. Dont get drawn into petty discussions and mudslinging. Get a new circle of friends, find something else to take your mind of matters. I joined a cycling group and that helped me meet new people and keep focused instead of drowning my sorrows and staring into the bottom of a beer glass. I got fit and strong. I found a place to stay and have gotten up onto my feet. It took me a while. I got retrenched at around the same time so things were very tough for a while. Each situation is different so find your happy place and keep a cool calm head. I started a divorce thread here a while back and there were some real sad stories, but I also got some good advice There are no winners in a divorce PM if you need to chat

Talking helps. Telling others you used to stand and chat to while having puff helps. Saying no to those after work drinks with others who smoke knowing that it will put you in temptation also helps. Getting out of the temptation zone until it passes.. Thats my plan anyway

I started again after 11 years off.. Left my wife and got retrenched all within 2 weeks.. But started riding up a storm and got strong and fit, but you cant have both.. Had a few drinks on Friday night with some old friends, woke up Saturday morning for a good training ride and felt crap, but got through it - all 115km of it. Did another 88km on Sunday and havent had a smoke since Friday eve. I can do this (again) and if I want to see my goals of a sub 2:40 947 a reality I know what I need to do.

Good gracious, it was hard. Its not a race for average weekend Joe and Jane... Relentless. New route was harder. The downhills give you no chance of resting. In fact it was just terrible Feel sorry for those who did the half and fun ride. Must have caught them out something horrid, there are some nasty surprises in wait - that ascent that came around 50km.. Finished in 4:21 which considering I'd been out of action for a month I'll take it.

I just registered. According to Vleisbroek I last did it in 2013. I got to the car park first that morning. It was dark. My father in law had recently passed away and his funeral was the day before. Me doing the race was insensitive according the then wife.. I had trained hard. Catch 22.. It was a 26" 3 x 10 alu dual suspension. I did it in 4h40 something. It was tough. Now I am looking at it with a hardtail carbon 29er. 1 x 10 and a lot stronger and fitter Only thing is I have a 40th to go to the night before, but, that means many beers and a wasted Saturday. Been a hermit of late so one more missed party in favor of a morning out in the bush on the bike is no big deal. Plus many folk at a birthday jol wont miss me, if it was my 40th then it would be different story..

Where do you get that intel from? That would be a very sad day if that is the case.

You cant 'speed reduce' bikes and patrol/control it. There just needs to be clear 'one way signage' as well as some 'danger, off camber bend' type boards erected Also a good few boards with an emergency help line number would work. Never mind 'Kudu/Meerkat crossing'

Was there this morning for a slow and gentle ride with some folk who have never been there before. All was well until that nasty down hill section - off camber corner, speed, brakes and oh feck.. OTB into the bushes via the gutter. Tore the ass out of my bibs and the bibs out of my ass. Gashed my nose a shot. Found blackjacks in my ears and grass up my nose. Monster roastie on my ass Very sore now with a possible partial torn rotator cuff. To the blokes riding fat bikes - Kudos, especially Mr wheelie dude

Good lord! Racetec shows that the winner of AL was a U16...

Rode AL and came in on 2,24.. Interesting to see that AL was slower than last year. My time was down by 3 mins from last year although my overall placing was up and the size of AL was also up. Gotta love statistics. It may be a flat race but its really awesome to stick in a big bunch, hear the sound of the 150 bikes on the tar (and good tar at that), every time someone tries to make a go for it then the whole bunch stands up and reels them in. Racing at close proximity all the way. Keeping focused on the guys around you. And hot damn, some nice bikes on display!