Honkdonk

Thanks Landy. Yes, it's very difficult.

My ex spent a week in NZ and has landed a job down in Dunedin at a University there. She will leave end of September to start in October. The time frame for this has been very quick. She applied and had two rounds of Skype calls and then flew over last week for some one on one meetings and on Wednesday was given the gig. Hardest part is she will take our two young daughters. Initially we discussed them staying with me for the two months that she is there to get settled, but my work situation makes it very difficult for me to commit to being a full time parent over what is my busy season which includes lots of travel, long hours and weekend work. So for stability we decided they go with her now. We have worked through how we go about the maintenance and contact and while its a very bitter pill to swallow for me and the hardest decision I have ever had to make I cant fight anymore. The future for them in NZ is brighter than it is here. I have cried buckets over this. The flipside for me is that it opens my work opportunities overseas as I have a UK passport and no ties to keep me here once they are gone. I can plough head first into work and making my way to getting back up on my feet financially. But it is hard none the less. Not to mention a new lady who breathes fresh life into my current existence. So while it's very much still new and exciting but I am so much wiser now than before and we are both on the same page. So like the other saga, its one day at a time. And good quality time with her beats the lack of quantity time.

Haha. The post divorce relationship - how to confuse someone even more. I am going through the same thing. One day at a time is how I see it, and NO expectations. I know its tough, but don't let lust get in the way of truth and honesty. Talk lots. Talk some more Dont go out and pissed together - you WILL look like the ****

To bring this thread back on track - with all due respect to the aspiring MX riders. My ex's NZ missions have been fast tracked substantially and she leaves on Friday for a week for a recce. She is top of the short list and if all goes well she will look at relocating in late Sept and get her **** sorted - house, car, bank, schools etc and then head back here in Dec for the University break (her position is with a University in Dunedin) then return for the new school/varsity year in early Jan. Needless to say I am devastated and while I do with a heavy heart support her move it became reality a lot sooner than expected. Her reasoning being the future for the children, and this week has lead me to believe she is has valid concerns with young children. I know, as I was born in Zambia and spent my early years there and my folks saw what was coming and made the right move at the right time. Tough times ahead

So hows the newly single folk doing? My docs finally came out of the court building this week so I have everything all stamped and official finally. A cruel twist of fate means that she pays me out. Not a large amount, and it was never an intention, but it was a strategic battle plan for me to get her to drop her demands on the settlement agreement. I give rocks for the money - it pays school fees, but sometimes you need to stand your ground and if it means the tables get turned then so be it. The immigration thing is on going and I will see how that pans out. Never a dull moment in this game they call Adulting

I have said that until I get all her plans laid out I am not signing anything. And then when, or if I do, it needs to be by the way of a legally binding doc. Just when I thought the days of lawyers bills were over. Should I sign and she goes through with it, I don't see much other option for me but to follow in order to be there for my daughters. Its not easy. My own career is working out just fine, but I can expand on it wherever I go really. I just turned down a position in Dubai but they wanted me from Sept and I cant commit to that right now. With the kids its just to soon foe me to go. I have also met someone and we seem to enjoy each others company. But for now that stays at arms length as its potentially complicated and I don't need that and neither does she. But its really nice to have good female company.

New life for you starts NOW! Take control, but I'm sure you have it in hand

Yip. I see the sense in what you say here. Just when I thought the lawyer invoices were a thing of the past..

The kids are 11 and 4 so are not of an age yet to make up their own minds about this kind of a thing. I have just started life again so to move to another country would be a total new board game kind of start with odd rules and all sorts. I have told her if she wants to move for the good of the children then I wont stop her, but I do think she hasn't thought it through entirely as the luxuries of a full time maid, au pair etc will be history. So yes, a large surprise awaits, but then she is a martyr so who knows. Its more a knee-jerk reaction but once she gets the proverbial bee. There is a host of things that need to fall into place first so I'll be watching from the sidelines all while taking some steps of my own.

So the ex dropped a bomb on me the other week by stating that she is looking at emigrating to New Zealand. Obviously the kids will go with her. She claims to have had enough of this country. She is good at what she does and reckons there is a demand for what she does, plus is tired of coughing up for pvt schools, med aid, security etc. Not a new whinge by any means, but very new for her. Plus I think the last 2 years of living on a large plot as a single mom will add to the woes. She has asked me for a affidavit saying I have no issue with her taking the kids over there and obtaining visas. *** thing is where does it now leave me? In my industry I can work anywhere and often in involves a lot of travel and its all the same game from one country to the next but is built on a network of referrals and mostly freelance based so I think that could pose a few issues. I really dont want to let them lose sight of me so if she is 'all systems go' then I will really considering following, or at least moving to the UK ( I have a passport and family there) and could make a wedge more there as a single simple living man and afford the travel to the see my kids. Either way the thought of them being so far away is heartbreaking..

My ex wife has now decided that she is looking to up sticks and relocate to NZ our two daughters. She seems fairly far down the line with job applications and immigration agents etc. She has done a 180deg about turn on SA and its outlooks. It leaves me in a predicament as I could work anywhere in the world in my industry but its an industry of who you know and network of professionals and recommendations. So would have to see how things could pan out for NZ. Its just so damn far from anywhere..

Divorce is a very traumatic experience and there will be peaks and troughs of emotions and these infiltrate life in all aspects, and one of them would be the rebound relationship. Ive been shackle free for a month now (officially) and I see the signs that women give off sneaking in here and there. I am very aware of not going down the wrong road again so its tread lightly and be up front and open from the off. There is one that seems keen, but she is coming out of her own mess so I keep my distance and the contact relatively superficial and sparse. I say she seems keen but it could be a 'friend zone' thing. I'm sometimes so oblivious to these things whether its the 'zone' or 'come here and rip my clothes off' signals. Slowly slowly catches monkeys. And no un PC puns intended

I'm a type 2 Vegan Cows, chickens and pigs are type 1

They always do that with th e finish banner. I worked on a up run in 2013 I think, only noticed the 2012 on the finish banner late in the afternoon before the race, but they take out a fresh vinyl and apply it in time. Its an old cost saving trick. Instead of printing new banners year on year, jut redo the year vinyl sticker and apply it day before. So the only change is when the sponsor changes, and then its generally for their account anyways Good luck to all those running tomorrow! Amazing!

Isn't that the spot you got jacked years ago? Its been a on/off hot spot for a while

If you not up to the Engen ride, I do a ride Tues/Thurs from my spot just off Sloane. But its earlier than E2E and only 4 of us so easier to manage but still blood and tears. 50km door to door in 1h50 or so. We operate most Tues and Thurs but I need a partner as we meet in Morningside and I'm the only one going that way so its all to easy to roll over at 4am.. PM me for more info

Nope. What you see is what you get afaik

Hahah. Thanks !

Well done Landy. Now you can pick up and get on with things. That's a whole load better than my two years. I went to a mates house on Saturday and got totally smashed. Long time no house party and they are such easy going folk with a good crowd of reprobate friends. I was one of the last to leave and then promptly lost/left my phone in the Uber. Bugger. But I finally got it out of my system as I was a bit numb last week and in hermit mode.

I have a bittersweet feeling about the whole thing. She was in court on Tuesday and made a big deal out of it. I on the other hand went riding in the Cradle to reflect, instead of going out smashing beers and celebrating with mates - I kept it quiet. I understand what it all means and while it's a major weight of my shoulders I cant help but thinking about my kids. But I guess we need to focus on going forward and leave the past behind us. Its a new life and I need to build on - even though its been a 2 year period to adjust and adjust we all have. My eldest daughter has struggled and her image of what was a solid family unit was destroyed the moment I left. That's the part that hurts the most - me and her. So that is something I need to work on. The unfortunate part is that I am a subcontractor - read freelancer to the industry I operate in and it unfortunately knows no boundaries and operates 24/7 so when work comes in I am very hesitant to say no, and it does mean that I forgo my weekends with the kids (and boy, does that get rubbed in my face). No work means no pay, so I need all I can get. The ex is not prepared to swap weekends if I have one off 'Our lives don't revolve around you and your schedule' is the general comment I get. My off days are often mid week. so then I go riding, running and to gym. The split and divorce has ruined me financially and it will take a long time to recover, but recover I will and emerge out the other side with my head held high. We had an accrual built into our ANC which was very poorly put together. She was employing some very 'interesting' tactics during our battle and my lawyer spotted this and we made a point of using our own tactics and the poorly worded accrual clause worked in my favor. So out of it all I get a small payout. But if you could only know what I was presented with late 2016 compared to what I signed it was worth it. I'll bet neither of us will make that mistake again.. The loneliness I can deal with. I don't have an issue with it. But there is living alone and being alone.. I'm good with the one and not ready for the other. I know what I need to do and focus on. A great thread this. No one need to be shy or keep things bottled up. Help, advice and is always welcome from those who have gone through it and those going through it.

Polyamory - now there's a thing and a odd one at that, a conundrum really. As in one respect I could totally see myself getting cozy by the fireplace and having deep and meaningful conversations followed by long walks somewhere concluded with a meal, wine and explosive sex with the woman of my dreams.. I guess that's the romantic in me coming out. However at the same time a life of revolving short term (or long term for that matter) partners also seems to be attractive which is the the male primitive alternative. Over the years as we, as a human race, have progressed (ya, whatever) and it's become accepted, or forced, that we settle down and stick with one partner, but I bet you there are a lot of us out there who are very from the notion of settle down and be in a monogamous relationship and the chances are that is why we are in the situation we are in that has resulted in this thread..

I'm using the running as a means to burn off some energy when I dont get the time to ride. I can find the time for an hours run vs a 3 or 4 hour cycle. Plus I have always enjoyed the running. Its a great way to burn off weight. I use the treadmill in the gym for speed work and am currently doing around 30km/week. Its an odd thing though going for speed or distance.. I hit an afternoon run today and stormed in at 4:48/km average for 11,8km which is great. Slow it down to 6:00/km and I could go all day...

True story, but after a decade and then some of not being out in the field there is an adjustment period that takes some getting used too.

I also turn 45 next week Tuesday so a good knees up could be in order this weekend.. On a side note, I had coffee with two ladies, separately of course, this last week. Both asked me and both going through nasty splits after years of marriage. One is totally devastated and cant see the wood for the trees at the moment. I was very wary of her initial approaches and made things clear from the start that there is no ways I'd entertain anything other than a coffee. The other one was more interesting and looking for advice, but I dare not go any further. She is also damaged goods currently and I would rather stay far away. I am very wary of the dynamics of a male/female relationship and how things can easily get misconstrued. So I would rather stay far away. Interesting though to hear their stories. The lives people lead and just when you think everything is going hunky dory on the surface, underneath its a total mess.

Its court appearance day today. So if all goes well she will walk out of court with a piece of paper that says we are no longer married.. It will plastered all over her FB page - she's like that. So a celebration is in order. Today marks a new beginning in life