Sani2c Advice for Noobs: Beware of little old ladies.

[Maniax]

i'm seriously actually checking daily if the next part is posted.... hahaha

[Super Sywurm]

With the Sani2c only 4 months away I felt compelled to write up this piece of advice. Now let me apologise upfront for doing this, you see I am the sort of person that not only gives advice whether solicited or not, whether useful or not, whether correct or not it matters not to me but rest assured if there is a gap I'll jump in and deliver said advice notwithstanding the fact that my credentials amount to 2 completed Sanis. So here goes...

 

First up you need to understand your limitations as a team and plan accordingly. In our case my partner was a lot stronger than I was on the climbs this due to a back problem known as spondylolysis (I just call it Spondy). However, I am considerably quicker than him on the downhills this according to my partner due to an inherent brain defect (damn lawyers what do they know). The other input to our planning was the fact that we were batched in F batch for day one in the Race clearly the criteria used by the organisers for our team differed from the rest and after a lengthy debate we settled on the fact that the organisers were giving us recognition for shooting no 5&6 rapids in the great flood of the 2005 Umkomaas Canoe Marathon, Afterall Farmer Glen is a paddler. Despite my partner being a lawyer and my brain defect we had enough collective grey matter to surmise that we should have been in M batch.

 

This meant that we were going to be passed by faster riders throughout the day, in fact a lot of faster riders. This presented both a challenge as well as an opportunity, clearly the latter meant that we had to try and use the slip of these faster riders to improve our time. The challenge was how to do this within the constraints of our disparate strengths and weaknesses. Three scenarios existed, the first being the flats which were of little concern as the likelihood of one of us staying with the bunch and the other falling off was rather remote. The up hills and downhills were a different matter entirely though as he would be more inclined to stay with the slip on the ups whilst I almost certainly wouldn't. The downs were a different kettle of fish as we had noticed in races leading up to the Sani that I was quite capable of staying with the majority and in fact sometimes riding away from them. So the risk was quite high that we could get separated with the possibility of taking a time penalty.

 

This brings me to my second piece of advice which is that you have to have a communication plan. We also recognised that some of the riders that would have caught us might get a little peeved if they see us mortals using their slip and they could be be inclined to work us over so we need to speak in a secret code. We devised a really cool code and I'll tell you how it works because it will change for this year's event. My partner was Red and I was Blue, whom ever was in front at the time would have the adjunct of Leader while the trailing rider will be Tail. So if my partner was in front he would be Red Leader whilst I would be Blue Tail.

 

The key was to determine what the status of the other rider is and if he was on the slip or not. The code for being on the slip was "the flea is on the dog" and off the slip was "there is mud in the pantry". So this is how it would play out I would hear "Blue Tail, Blue Tail, this is Red Leader give me your stat" and I would respond with a "Red Leader, this is Blue Tail, the flea is on the dog." Pretty neat hey? And when you add mock static it sounds even cooler. To get used to the idea we practiced on the drive down from Gauteng only referring to each other as Red and Blue, adding further phrases to communicate any occurrence that we may encounter. We continued to practice in the Himeville Arms the night before the race but after a few beers the mock static starting sounding like a hysterical hippo with a lisp.

 

The day of the race was clear and crisp without last years snow on the berg and freezing temperatures. For the first 10k of the ride our plan worked flawlessly and we got the feeling that we were going to better last years time, we were staying with more of the faster riders than we thought and we were holding our own on the technical sections. All great until the Big Ring climb when this team sidles up next to us and we happily latch on to their slip Red in front does a status check and I reply that the Flea is on the dog. One team member next to me shouts at his mate "Hey Brett, this oke has fleas let's get the hell out of here!" They put in an interval and Red responds, I try, but Spondy says no way. Red inquires but I've lost all my ability to speak and all I can manage is a whisper which sounded like I said " there is fud in my panty". I guess many of you reading this think its funny but I want you to try something. Find a long hill sprint until your heart rate is at max, now clench your teeth as if in pain and say "there is mud in the pantry" now what did that sound like?

 

Any way back to the race " Hey Brett, these okes are kakking off give it Boet, give it!". Red sees red and decides to race them leaving me to fuddle up the hill on my own. It takes me 5ks to catch up to Red with my Spondy giving me a back spasm to rival a birth contraction. We exchange stares but say nothing and ignore any slip opportunity until we reach the downhill at Xumeni Forest (home of the Cape Parrot). A team from B batch that had mechanicals earlier join us on the descent and inquire as to our day so far. Red says he's having a great ride but doesn't know what my problem is. I glance down at my Garmin 38km/h and the road in front of us is clear of other riders. 45km/h a lateral drainage trench is bunny hopped, I get more airtime than I could buy from Cell C for R50. 55km/h "Blue Leader this Red Tail there is mud in the pantry". 60km/h " Blue Leader, I said there's mud, mud I said" I hear one of the other team say " Gert die ouens gaan *** anjaag los hulle laat hulle gaan". 65km/h and the 44/11 teeth combo spins out "Blue Leader stuff youuuuuuuu!" I adopt an aerodynamic position the wind in my ears and through my helmet creates a form of white noise and I can't hear anybody not even Red's desperate howl. 70km/h I use the middlemannetjie as berm to negotiate the sharp right hand bend. 75km/h and I'm wondering what a Cape Parrot with a lisp would sound like. 78km/h and the silence is remarkable these type 2 derailleurs really do reduce chain slap. Too many bends, mud puddles and rutted sections to look at the Garmin, but the momentum carries me well over the next uphill and into the forest single track.

 

The B batch boys catch me on the jeep track after we emerge from the forest "Jy is lekker mal ne". About 20 mins later when Red caught up to me we just looked at each other and grinned in silent acknowledgement that each of us had worked the other one over with nobody winning, for the first time on the day we were really a team. Third piece of advice, you will get to know your team mate on Sani and be prepared for a fallout of some sort. For the rest of the ride our plan worked and all that was needed was the word mud to restore order. Our stage time was slower than last year, evidence that not working as a team costs you.

 

Did you ever consider writing a book?

[Cassie]

I think the Hub should hand out annual awards....

 

I propose River Rat for a Pulitser....

[DJR]

I think the Hub should hand out annual awards....

 

I propose River Rat for a Pulitser....

 

You mean a Hubitser?

[nonky]

You mean a Hubitser?

 

Definitely NOT an Oscar (too many negative connotations...)

[River Rat]

Guys thanks for your compliments and my apologies for not posting the final chapter. In my defence I was rather distracted by a little 270km journey from Underburg to Scottburgh but I will post it shortly and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

As for writing a book I really haven't considered this as an option as all I do is share my experience with a lot of embellishing for the fun of it. My job entails a lot of travelling and most of the stories are written while either waiting for a flight or whilst in the air. I am not sure that I would manage to find sufficient time to tackle a serious undertaking such as a book, but who knows!

[Disylizzy]

Guys thanks for your compliments and my apologies for not posting the final chapter. In my defence I was rather distracted by a little 270km journey from Underburg to Scottburgh but I will post it shortly and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

As for writing a book I really haven't considered this as an option as all I do is share my experience with a lot of embellishing for the fun of it. My job entails a lot of travelling and most of the stories are written while either waiting for a flight or whilst in the air. I am not sure that I would manage to find sufficient time to tackle a serious undertaking such as a book, but who knows!

 

You should check out Patrick McManus - he writes short stories about hunting and fishing, very similar to your style of writing. It would always be possible to create a compilation of short stories.

[GerrieTruter]

Thanks River Rat. Enjoyed the read so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[Super Sywurm]

The book's name should be, 'The life of a river rat'.

[Maniax]

Has the river rat stopped sharing his thoughts with those outside the vlei?

[River Rat]

Day 3 The Final Chapter

 

With the dawn of the new day I had regained my appetitive and spent more time at the breakfast table than Red who excused himself citing some important business in the tent. I grabbed a second helping of breakfast before setting off to our tent nestled between the Macadamia trees. I zipped open the tent flap and was confronted with the a sight that no man should face this early in the morning. Red was lying on his back with no pants on with his knees behind his ears, his rusty starfish was in in full bloom, not a pretty sight! In his right hand he had a small bottle of methylate which he was trying to apply to some saddle sores, my opening of the tent startled him and he squeezed the bottle. His brown eye got pinkeye and clearly it was burning like hell and he need some relief. "Water" he cried as his eyes settled on my camel back which I had filled the night before. We grabbed it at the same time, there was no way I was going to let the valve of my camel back anywhere near Red's valve. A tug of war ensued and it was only when I pulled Red out of the tent that he let go, I think the fear of indecent exposure had trumped his discomfort.

 

I had a half bottle of flavoured sparkling water lying outside the tent which I gave to Red before zipping up the tent. The noises emanating from inside the tent at first sounded like Red was being massacred on the massage table but it slowly changed to sounds of relief and then giggles of delight. " Hey, Blue the bubbles make it tingle, come and try it" I was having none of it, my mind was permanently scarred by the vision of his rusty starfish turning to pinkeye and disappeared to collect our bikes from the pound.

 

What a difference a day makes, at yesterday's start line I was doubting whether I would make the first water point let alone finish the toughest day on the Sani. Yet here I was lined up at the start of the third stage feeling like a new man thanks to two helpings of Jolivet steaks. Red was back to his competitive self, "Blue we have to beat our neighbours even if it is just on to day's stage". What surprised both of us is, that despite my off day they only finished 11 minutes ahead of us. We surmised that they found the wet technical riding difficult and although no rain was expected during today's stage the track was still wet from yesterday's rain. We knew that the route had been changed from the previous year's and hopefully if it was a bit more technical we had every chance of beating them.

 

The chatter in our batch was dominated by two topics namely the decision to start A and B batches two hours after the last batch which meant that the entire field would be finished at around 13h00. Everyone was trying to work out whether we could beat the top teams to the finish. But the big discussion was the 400m long floating bridge across the lagoon at the finish. It was a world first and no one had any idea what it was like or how to ride it, some in our batch got information from friends riding in the Trail and Adventure. Rumour had it that it was highly unstable exacerbated by the incoming waves. There was a chicken run across the beach and many had decided on this option, but Red and I were determined to ride it after all we were going to swim in the sea anyway so no harm if we did so a bit earlier.

 

The first few kilometers of this day is quick as you descend through the cane fields but at the first climb it became very apparent that I was fooling myself at the start, and although I was feeling considerably better there was no strength in my legs. Red was having none of it, he was going like the clappers in pursuit of our neighbours I was barely hanging in there. At the first water point Red and I had serious negotiation about revising our tactics, I could sense Red's frustration but he realised that there was little we could do on the climbs but I was given license to hammer the downhills. The descents on this stage are relatively nontechnical in nature with only the odd sharp turn at the bottom to test your skills.

 

Th exception to this was the descent at Vernon Crookes nature reserve which is fast, twisty and rocky in places but today it was wet as well from the previous day's rain. We were so far back in the field that the speed on this descent had slowed to about 20km/h and my trying to pass them at twice that created some interesting moments but no harm done other than a few choice words from the other riders. We were making steady but slow progress and the next bit of excitement was when farmer Glen's chopper landed next to us in an open field and he had a chat with us about the impending arrival of the leaders. " Don't worry about stopping on the jeep track just keep left and the guys will pass you on the right" he said. He had hardly taken off when we heard the lead motorcycle and shortly after that Evans and Combrink passed us. Now when Red and I ride up hill you hear something akin to a pair of rattling locomotives, it's a collection of puffs, hisses and grinding gears. All you could hear from these guys was a whirring sound and a polite " Thanks guys". It reminded me of a movie I once saw something about magnificent men in their flying machines, sheer poetry.

 

It took about 10 minutes for the bunch with the GC leaders to pass us and once again a polite " Dankie manne" and they were off. The next bunch of 6 riders were not so polite they passed us as we crested a rise and about to start the descent we were well left with more than enough room for them to pass us two abreast. "You are supposed to stop and get off the track to let us pass, a$$holes!" shouted the leader. Clearly, these guys were not privy to the personal instructions that we had received from Farmer Glen and I guess we would normally have let it go. But Red was rather sensitive this morning particularly the part of his nether regions this chap referred to. "Blue Bomber this is Red Tail, you have permission to engage the bandit" this brought a huge grin to my face, for two reasons I mean Red Tail, Red Tail how apt after his exploits in the tent earlier and I could let the mad cow loose.

 

I immediately set off after the bandit, now I think this guy was hoping to break away from the bunch so his first backward glance was to check whether his partner was following. When he saw it was me and the bunch were some 10m behind, the look in his eyes changed from interest to glimpses of fear. He thinks I going to hit him! My grin got bigger, and then he decided to really give it his all. My grin got even bigger, I was going to dice with a racing snake on a downhill! It did not take long for him to run out of gears with his 1 x 11 set up, my 44t front blade and 30kg weight advantage put paid to any escape. His furtive backward glances was starting to worry me, he really needs to concentrate on the track ahead so I pedalled past him and said "Don't fret my little petal, I just want to tell you something". He tried once more to get away but realised that 60km/h was about the limit of his gearing and I had plenty to spare, he stopped pedalling, resigned to his fate and then I explained that although he was quite correct to expect us to stop, Farmer had changed the rules. " Sorry Oom I didn't know that" I accepted the apology and then set off to see if I could top 75km/h. When his mates passed me on the uphill they wanted details of our encounter and whether I beat him on the descent. They had every intent of giving him a hard time all the way to Scottburgh about being beaten by an Oom.

 

The ride from there to floating bridge was slow but the excitement was building for this new obstacle. I think most of A batch had passed us when Red rode onto the bridge when I heard a yell form behind "Traaack!" before I could do or say anything I was shouldered aside by two A batch riders who mounted the bridge sandwiched between Red and myself. This made absolutely no sense to me after all how were they going to pass Red on the bridge. Nonetheless a bit miffed at the treatment dealt to me I set off in pursuit. Any idea I may have had of catching the offenders in front of me quickly disappeared as it became clear that this bridge needed a huge amount of concentration, it was like trying to ride on top of a moving hosepipe. The only thing you could do was keep going as momentum was crucial, I got the speed up as high as possible trying to keep to the middle. This thing was moving all the time the waves and the bikes making it totally unpredictable, you could only look 5 - 6 meters in front of you. I was coping quite well when suddenly the A batch riders stopped dead in front of me I had no option other to career into the back of them, idiots. My front wheel slipped off the bridge into the water, I had resigned myself to the inevitable swim and a possible slot on the highlights package, when I realised that my front wheel had found the sand, it was shallow and my back wheel was still on the bridge, I was still upright.

 

It took a second to get back on and now I was really miffed and I was going to give these guys a piece of my mind. Cheered on by the spectators above me on the railway bridge I quickly caught them as they tried to inch their way across, uncleated they were putting a foot down with regular monotony to stabilise themselves. This was not working and we had just reached the section where the bridge was encountering the worst of the incoming waves. "Ride, boys! You have to ride it!" I shouted. To be fair they tried but I could see by the tension in their shoulders they were not happy with this. At this stage I had the thing waxed but the posture on the front rider was getting worse, he was trying to make himself as narrow as possible. His elbows were tucked in, his shoulders hunched and he was trying to wind his neck in, a posture that could best be described as turtle necking. A big wave did it, the front rider went off on the right and his partner left to the cheers of the railway crowd, I had a fan club! "Thanks for the track boys" and I sped away to catch Red who was 100meters ahead.

 

In the melee of collecting our lunch and boxes I met up with Red's granny. They had finished ahead of us and I asked about their day in the saddle. She did not enjoy the newly cut and bumpy single track "Since my hip replacement I find that it takes me at least 3 to 4 hours warm up, but I learnt after the third day on the Freedom Challenge that it goes away, so I'm rather sad that there isn't a fourth day" she said. Whaaat! Freedom Challenge? Hip replacement? We never stood a chance! So be careful out there, you never know who is in the tent next to you it could be a racing snake with brand new hips or someone with pinkeye!

[Super Sywurm]

[VicanZA]

makes me wanna do the Sani with you as my partner, maybe worth while dragging your ass up the hills just for the laughs after!

 

great stuff.

[Oxter]

Finally hahaha

Edited June 2, 2014 by Oxter

[River Rat]

Finally hahaha

 

Sorry man, but I really struggled to find the time. Fortunately, I had flight to Cape Town last week so I found some free time.

[Oxter]

No worries man, read your posts to prepare me for my first sani this year haha. reading this today brought back quite a few happy memories...so thank you

 

 

Sorry man, but I really struggled to find the time. Fortunately, I had flight to Cape Town last week so I found some free time.

Edited June 2, 2014 by Oxter