Formula 1...

[SwissVan]

Haas brilliant to get points in their first race, compared to McLaren who must be spitting flames while the Honda engineers hide their heads in shame.

[Iwan Kemp]

   

 

http://cdn-4.motorsport.com/images/mgl/24MQjMeY/s8/f1-australian-gp-2016-fernando-alonso-mclaren-mp4-31-exits-his-car-after-a-huge-crash.jpg

[Iwan Kemp]

http://cdn-5.motorsport.com/images/mgl/YWDKMAx6/s8/f1-australian-gp-2016-fernando-alonso-mclaren-mp4-31-exits-his-car-after-a-huge-crash.jpg

[Iwan Kemp]

http://cdn-8.motorsport.com/images/mgl/6zyoZykY/s8/f1-australian-gp-2016-fernando-alonso-mclaren-mp4-31-in-a-huge-crash.jpg

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

yeah, bro. It was a MASSIVE stack. Just goes to show how strong those cars are at their core. 

[bertusras]

http://cdn-8.motorsport.com/images/mgl/6zyoZykY/s8/f1-australian-gp-2016-fernando-alonso-mclaren-mp4-31-in-a-huge-crash.jpg

 

I think that's the point where you accept that you might die. How you get back in the car after an accident like this is beyond me. 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Point was made that he shouldn't even have been there, in that car. He deserves a better car, and would be fighting far ahead of this, and the closing speed wouldn't have been a problem..

['Dale]

Phew!

 

What engineering genius

Glad he could walked away ????????????????

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Point was made that he shouldn't even have been there, in that car. He deserves a better car, and would be fighting far ahead of this, and the closing speed wouldn't have been a problem..

 

Amen, must make him think why should I risk my life in this POS!!!

He does deserve a better car but he also chose to leave Ferrari........

[PietSw]

   

 

http://cdn-4.motorsport.com/images/mgl/24MQjMeY/s8/f1-australian-gp-2016-fernando-alonso-mclaren-mp4-31-exits-his-car-after-a-huge-crash.jpg

So Lucky....Or is it good job Authorities for continually making it safer?

[PietSw]

Stupid, STUPID decision to go with the Supersofts again after teh red flag. Should have taken the opportunity to go on the Mediums like the rest of the field. The race pace of the Ferraris is certainly up there, and the HAAS team really did well in their first outing... 

 

Best race in the last 3 years, I'd say. 

It was Beautiful seeing LH looking for parking on the Start Line... The Ferrari's does look good.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

 

F1 drivers write another letter

by Sniff Petrol on Thursday, March 24th, 2016

http://sniffpetrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/aletteryesterday.jpg

An letter, yesterday

Yesterday the Grand Prix Drivers’ Association wrote an open letter to F1 bosses pleading with them to avoid poor commericial decsions that will damage the sport. Hours later Sky announced an exclusive rights deal in the UK, ending free-to-air F1 from 2019.

Now the reverse psychology wing of the GPDA has issused another letter, this time begging those in charge of the sport to ‘please continue with short term greed until there are literally no ******* fans left’.

The letter also urges F1 bosses to ‘introduce lots of extremely contrived rules that do nothing to improve the sport but look utterly desperate and completely ignore the basic problem of how sodding boring it is’.

The signatories of the letter also say they want to ‘encourage new tracks and new ideas, but these must NOT prioritise interesting racing above the vital cause of making cadaverous old ****s even richer’.

Finally, the letter implores F1’s governors to ‘actively shun social media and other technologies because if you just ignore things they always go away and definitely don’t make an entire sport look like an outdated old farts’ club that won’t be happy until literally everyone who was once interested in F1 has given up or died’.

Interestingly, the strongly-worded letter strenuously avoids naming individuals, although it does make several mysterious references to a ‘spiteful, greedy microtwat’.

 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

And another one. Older, but just as relevant now...

 

Alonso asks if other teams ‘need any help’

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Friday, February 26th, 2016

http://sniffpetrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/davegrohl.jpg

Fernando Alonso, yesterday

After a disastrous start to pre-season testing, there was more bad news for McLaren today as Fernando Alonso was spotted lurking around other teams’ garages asking if they ‘needed any help’.

Spies within the McLaren camp says that with the MP4-31 in a frequent state of malfunction, the Spanish driver has divided his time between skulking around other teams’ areas asking for work and browsing the internet for a new deckchair.

‘Fernando came into our garage yesterday,’ revealed a source from one front-running operation. ‘He hung around for a bit making small talk then, just as he was leaving, he asked if we needed any help with “you know, driving and stuff”.’

‘Alonso was hanging around our stuff for ages yesterday,’ said an engineer for another well-known team. ‘After a while he looked at our data and loudly said, “Nice times. I wonder if I could do better in this car? Wouldn’t it be funny to find out, perhaps here, or maybe in Melbourne” then he laughed nervously, stopped for a minute, grabbed a spanner off the bench and ran off.’

‘With his own car not working, I think he just wants to have a go in a Mercedes or a Ferrari or a Red Bull or a Williams or a Force India or a Renault or a Sauber or a Toro Rosso or a Haas or a Manor or a lawn tractor,’ said F1 journalist Maurice Ital. ‘Basically, anything that’s faster.’

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

 

F1 announces new **** ideas committee

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Tuesday, March 8th, 2016

http://sniffpetrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/F11987.jpg

Some F1, yesterday

Formula 1 has announced the creation of a new body designed to ensure that the sport maintains its high standard of coming up with incredibly bad ideas.

The Terrible Ideas Team (TIT) will suggest new ways in which F1 can endlessly fiddle around with its own rules and structures to make the sport as needlessly contrived as possible.

‘F1 is currently at a crossroads,’ admitted one high-ranking insider. ‘Yes, the engines sound shite, the artificially rubbish tyres are tedious, and we’ve had the new qualifying format debacle but somehow people keep with it. We’ve got to work harder to make this sport so unbelievably complicated and unsatisfying that you just want to hammer a spoon through your temple with a shoe.’

The job of TIT will be to suggest yet more excessively complicated rulings to bury Formula 1 under so much tedious fine detail that the average fan can feel the very life force draining from their soul as they make another joyless attempt to understand what the merry **** is going on now.

‘If F1 has a problem it’s that fans are put off because the whole sport is not brain fartingly complicated enough,’ said one source. ‘What, you think people just want to see talented, interesting people competing in simple, exciting racing? That’s not sport. You think football is just brilliant people trying to score goals or that tennis is just supreme athletes hitting a ball across a net? What? They are? Well it sounds like they seriously need a load of inelegant and contrived bollocks that adds nothing and stinks of desperation.’

Insiders say TIT will be formally announced at the Australian Grand Prix, then withdrawn and postponed until the middle of the season, then suddenly reintroduced for the first race, then maybe not, wait, hang on, does anyone know what’s happening?

‘Formula 1 needs this new TIT,’ said an FOM spokesman. ‘To go along with the one that already runs the sport.’

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

 

F1 tests plan to wrap driver’s entire head in cotton wool

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Friday, March 4th, 2016

http://sniffpetrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Ferraricottonwool.jpg

Raikkonen testing the new safety measure, yesterday

Ferrari has become the first team to test a proposed new F1 safety measure in which the driver’s entire head is wrapped in a massive roll of cotton wool.

While in Barcelona this week, the Italian team sent Kimi Raikkonen out for two laps with his entire head wrapped in a massive roll of cotton wool to see how this would affect visibility and aerodynamics, as well as to gauge reaction to the appearance of the car once the driver had his entire head wrapped in a massive roll of cotton wool.

‘For sure, reaction to the driver having his entire head wrapped in a massive roll of cotton wool has been mixed,’ admitted Ferrari’s director of forward planning Luca Head. ‘Some think it is good to have more safety, some think it is good to be able to, for example, see where you are going.’

For his part, Raikkonen described having his entire head wrapped in a massive roll of cotton wool as ‘fine’ though his findings may be skewing as it was later discovered that the cotton wool had somehow been soaked in vodka.

[Long Wheel Base]

And another one. Older, but just as relevant now...

Alonso asks if other teams ‘need any help’

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Friday, February 26th, 2016

 

http://sniffpetrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/davegrohl.jpg

Fernando Alonso, yesterday

After a disastrous start to pre-season testing, there was more bad news for McLaren today as Fernando Alonso was spotted lurking around other teams’ garages asking if they ‘needed any help’.

Spies within the McLaren camp says that with the MP4-31 in a frequent state of malfunction, the Spanish driver has divided his time between skulking around other teams’ areas asking for work and browsing the internet for a new deckchair.

‘Fernando came into our garage yesterday,’ revealed a source from one front-running operation. ‘He hung around for a bit making small talk then, just as he was leaving, he asked if we needed any help with “you know, driving and stuff”.’

‘Alonso was hanging around our stuff for ages yesterday,’ said an engineer for another well-known team. ‘After a while he looked at our data and loudly said, “Nice times. I wonder if I could do better in this car? Wouldn’t it be funny to find out, perhaps here, or maybe in Melbourne” then he laughed nervously, stopped for a minute, grabbed a spanner off the bench and ran off.’

‘With his own car not working, I think he just wants to have a go in a Mercedes or a Ferrari or a Red Bull or a Williams or a Force India or a Renault or a Sauber or a Toro Rosso or a Haas or a Manor or a lawn tractor,’ said F1 journalist Maurice Ital. ‘Basically, anything that’s faster.’

Is that picture of Alonso? It looks a lot like Dave Grohl from Nirvana/foo fighters.