Advice on Divorce

[GrumpyOldGuy]

So hard..

Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than those before..

 

The messaging doesn't stop. She just keeps sending them through. Like mortars from over the wall, or like a constant barrage from a battering ram at the door. Relentless. Insulting. Accusing.

I read but I don't reply.

I am not worthy as a father, not a good example to my kids etc etc. Its very hard to read and get on with life.

I had to sit with my eldest daughters therapist last week to get some feedback on how she is holding out, and she is having a hard time of things, but what became apparent is how our two parenting styles are so different, and its also indicative of how different we are as people who were in a 11 year marriage. The ex does'nt filter information according to what a 10 year old should be told. She gets the full picture. Which, to my mind is wrong and unfair. It puts me in a very difficult place and if i try and talk to her (the youngest) about it she then feels caught in the middle, which way does she turn. Its all to mature for a 10 year old. She shouldn't be exposed to adult concepts like an accrual claim.. But the ex seems to think that honesty is the best policy, but its wrong in this case.

 

One day at a time. Head up and keep smiling

You are a good man Honk Donk, there is never a need to retaliate or seek vengeance, just let it be, hold your higher ground and dont seek to hurt back,... be like a sponge, just absorb it and let it go.

 

I wish you well.

[PhilipV]

NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. 

She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. 

 

I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. 

[BigDL]

So hard..

Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than those before..

 

The messaging doesn't stop. She just keeps sending them through. Like mortars from over the wall, or like a constant barrage from a battering ram at the door. Relentless. Insulting. Accusing.

I read but I don't reply.

I am not worthy as a father, not a good example to my kids etc etc. Its very hard to read and get on with life.

I had to sit with my eldest daughters therapist last week to get some feedback on how she is holding out, and she is having a hard time of things, but what became apparent is how our two parenting styles are so different, and its also indicative of how different we are as people who were in a 11 year marriage. The ex does'nt filter information according to what a 10 year old should be told. She gets the full picture. Which, to my mind is wrong and unfair. It puts me in a very difficult place and if i try and talk to her (the youngest) about it she then feels caught in the middle, which way does she turn. Its all to mature for a 10 year old. She shouldn't be exposed to adult concepts like an accrual claim.. But the ex seems to think that honesty is the best policy, but its wrong in this case.

 

One day at a time. Head up and keep smiling

I have been listening recently to Joe Rogan’s podcast. Great entertainment, sometimes really random, but some real nuggets come out.

 

Today he was talking about how, when people are being nasty to you, they are just echoing all of the bad things that have happened in their life, they are not really aimed at you. To be fair, he said it in a way that made sense, but the point was to rather feel sorry for someone who is being horrid to you than to allow them to really hurt you.

[Stretch]

My wife’s best friend is going trough a divorce at the moment. She actually asked if she can move in with us for a few weeks and my wife straight up told her no. Best friend or not, no one needs to deal with that kind of baggage.

Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room

[Paddaman]

NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. 

She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. 

 

I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. 

If she has a skelm, it will only convince you that it is over. 

Legally, cheating is no longer seen as a grounds to skew a settlement.  RSA law has changed to be a bit more, should we say progressive.  Now consenting adults trump matrimonial contracts.

Morally, exposing her, may give you a warm feeling, and give your son something to ponder over.

[Mudsimus]

Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room

But would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house.

[Paddaman]

But would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house.

Like, who gets to tuck your mate into bed at night and read him/her bedtime stories.........

[Amberdrake]

We offered the spare room to my mate at the time of his separation when things got bad.

He never took us up on it, and soon after managed to get the granny flat his parents are renting out.

But I wouldn't offer it to all of my friends, some don't have boundaries and would try to stay indefinitely.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Amberdrake

[Paddaman]

We offered the spare room to my mate at the time of his separation when things got bad.

He never took us up on it, and soon after managed to get the granny flat his parents are renting out.

But I wouldn't offer it to all of my friends, some don't have boundaries and would try to stay indefinitely.

BFF = best friend FOREVER and EVER and EVER.........

[Stretch]

But would your wife agree? I sure as hell dont want my wife’s friend and her issues in my house.

Fair point.. Maybe in an outside room... Place to lay your head really... For a month at least

[Mudsimus]

Fair point.. Maybe in an outside room... Place to lay your head really... For a month at least

Or a tent. My biggest issue with this is that I dont want my kids exposed to it. I even told my wife not to take them with when she visits. All she does the whole time is to talk about what a bad person her ex to be husband is, and what crappy beings men in general are.

[Kranswurm]

Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room

Absolutely...best mate?....so much for that!

[New Landy new life]

Well it seems none of them have a spare room for her for a few months to get back on her feet.

 

I've never met you in person, but wouldn't hesitate lending you a bike if (eg) you needed one for the Argus. 

 

Thanks - have a road and mountain bike still - not yet forced to sell either, but thanks for the thought Shebeen

[New Landy new life]

My wife’s best friend is going trough a divorce at the moment. She actually asked if she can move in with us for a few weeks and my wife straight up told her no. Best friend or not, no one needs to deal with that kind of baggage.

Hope it's not my wife who asked  , I don't even know who my wife's best friend is.

 

That's haw far apart we had drifted.

[New Landy new life]

NoMoreLandy, make sure that this "friend" is not maybe her skelmpie. 

She is probably getting her emotional and other needs met there, and your settlement money may just be going towards their life setup there. 

 

I don't know if her cheating on you might make a difference, but if it is something you can use to ease the settlement towards your and your son's needs, then it is an avenue that needs exploring. 

Pretty sure it is a skelem but at this stage I don't really care.

Suddenly noticed last year new fancy underwear in her cupboard and coming home at all hours of the morning "out with a friend".

It makes no difference to any settlements as I only am liable to maintain my son

[Gnarly]

Maybe okes are different...I wouldn't hesitate to give a mate a spare room

 

If i know my mates and myself, I'd probably be half the reason they would be getting divorced, and would be obliged to give him a room to stay.