You know you're a cyclist when....

[Sportsworld.co.za]

Came across this list on the internet and it made me laugh, don't know if it's been posted before but anyway.

 

You know you're a cyclist when:

 

1. you’ve given your bike a nickname.
   
2. you know that pain is just fear leaving your body, before it returns through your hamstrings.
   
3. you’ve heard the words “Just a friendly ride, no one gets dropped” while rapidly falling back in the pack.
   
4. you can tell your wife with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn, then bike off for a century.
   
5. You know you’re a cyclist when you dream of winning the lottery and which bikes you’ll be able to buy?
   
6. you buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down.
   
7. you hate headwinds, hills and trucks parked on the shoulder of any descent.
   
8. you forget all the pain, headwinds, humidity and hills within days of a long ride, and start dreaming about the next.
   
9. you’ve washed off that chain ring grease “tattoo” on your calf so often that you went ahead and got a real one there.
   
10. You know you’re a cyclist when, like war vets carrying shrapnel under their skin, your souvenirs are pebbles and gravel housed around your elbows and knees.
    
11. when camping, your bike stays with you in your tent.
    
12. you wear a heart rate monitor during sex.
    
13. you’ve considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals.
    
14. you’ve misplaced an hour of your life cursing, sweating and twisting a wrench, unaware that one of the pedals threads the opposite way.
    
15. You know you’re a cyclist when your loved ones have assigned a separate hamper for your dirty bike clothes, and placed a hazmat label on it.
    
16. your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves.
    
17. weather forecasts can be broken down into 2 categories: good biking weather, bad biking weather.
    
18. you find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a parent.
    
19. you spend twice the money on cycling kits then you do work clothes.
    
20. You know you’re a cyclist when you’ve been involved in deal making with a higher power to get through a climb you know will last longer than a political campaign.
    
21. you can ID five brands and sixteen flavors of protein bars in a blind taste test, but on most long rides you would eat wet shoe leather, properly salted and containing a balance of electrolytes, of course.
    
22. approaching a rider from behind, you’ve thought, “I will attack until your lungs cease to function properly, you collapse in the gutter and call out for your grandma’s quilted afghan.” Then offered a respectful nod as you blurred by.you check out everyone else’s legs to see if they are better than yours.
    
23. you can’t seem to get to work before 8:30am, but you don’t have a problem meeting your buddies at 5:30 am for a ride.
    
24. there is nothing odd about having bikes in your living room.
    
25. You know you’re a cyclist when you stare at other cyclists to check out their ride.
    
26. you know the difference between a Presta and a Schrader valve.
    
27. you know every traffic light sequence in the tri-county area for stop free pedaling.
    
28. you wear more tights than a children’s theater group performing Peter Pan.
    
29. you are an expert at spotting thunderstorms, tornados, windstorms, marauding cattle and ice cream stands from a distance.
    
30. You know you’re a cyclist when you have been caught in a thunderstorm while still in the saddle blinking away water and grinning all the way home.you live in fear that someone will sponsor a twelve-step program for cycling addicts and you’ll be the first one wrestled to the ground.
    
31. you learned a long time ago that it doesn’t matter how light or fast, just get on that bike.
    
32. you have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses.
    
33. you have more cycling jerseys than work shirts.
    
34. your legs are smoother than your wife’s.
    
35. You know you’re a cyclist when the nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles.
    
36. you have defined the 8 stages of road kill decomposition through daily observation.
    
37. you get withdrawal symptoms if off the bike for more than a day.
    
38. when anybody mentions distance you immediately think of how long it would take to cycle it.
    
39. you point at pot holes, but you are driving in your car alone.
    
40. You know you’re a cyclist when your bike is worth more than your car.
    
41. you have tested your hypothermic limits and found that they can be expanded with pedal speed, layering and hot cocoa.
    
42. you own more tights than a children’s theater performing Peter Pan.
    
43. your wallet is clear, made of plastic and sports the designer label Ziplok.
    
44. you have more up-to-date knowledge of bike specs, gear and equipment than the staff at your local shop.
    
45. You know you’re a cyclist when you think about each hill as a cyclist, even when you are driving in a car.
    
46. you know how many miles you rode last night, last week, last year.
    
47. you have a Biker’s Tan. (bottom 2 /3 of your legs, lower 1/2 your arms, and two little circles on the tops of your hands)
    
48. you get sad when your Biker’s Tan fades.
    
49. AND , you're reading this on thehubsa
    

[Daideron]

Very funny! Nice post. We always joked that you could only officially call yourself a cyclist after you had fallen seven times, or any crash that broke your collar bone!

And I feel there are a few that could be added,

You start to believe in the voodoo that suggests punctures always come in a batch of three

Regardless of who you are riding with, you always sprint for a bridge

You have been "half wheeled"

You have "half wheeled" someone

You have bonked so badly that you have cried, hallucinated and pleaded with God

You have given serious thought to hack-sawing off the ends of your handlebars (the bits you dont use) to make the bike lighter

You pass a shop window and glance across to see how you look in the drops

You have imagined Phil and Paul commentating on your race/training ride

Regardless of your ability and seeding, you make sure you know how to "bike throw" for the line.

You have denounced Campagnolo while secretly lusting after it

You have proudly owned Campagnolo

Even though you know there is a difference, you dont really know what the difference is between Campy and Shimano, and lets be honest, the Campy didnt actually make you faster!

You count calories and measure meals better than supermodels

You have suspected everyone around you uses PED's. Even that new kid...he climbs like a Spaniard so he has to be using

You have owned a steel frame and believe there is nothing better, and you only ride carbon because its the way bike design has evolved. Otherwise it would be Columbus all the way

You have secretly lusted over the new Dura-Ace while riding Campy

You have ridden on "tubbies"

You have owned a pair of SIDI's

Bumped elbows in the paceline and despite blind panic, you pretend you never panicked

You can put a racing cape on while riding and not crash

You call rain jackets racing capes

You always carry a racing cape

The last three cars you have had and sold have had chainring marks either on the back seats, or in the boot

 

Just a few of my own!

[Sportsworld.co.za]

Nice one Daideron, I reckon we could probably get this list to at least 500 with a minimum of effort. I'm sure a few of the guys have some others up their sleeves.

[arendoog]

You have googled or buy any magazine that has an article on avoiding cramping !

Only look at new cars that can transport a complete XL mtb in the back

Go to decorex and only buy garage racks for stowing bicycles

Wear out a helmet in 18 months

Only buy the cheapest sunglasses because you have lost so many

Go cycling with your work socks to save daylight .No time wasted to change to cycling socks after work

Edited August 13, 2013 by Blitzer

[jcza]

 

Go cycling with your work socks so save daylight

 

THIS!!!

[wynandvdmerwe]

When Bianchi's Celeste green becomes your favourite colour...

[Mountain Bru]

You go hiking (mountain biking without the bike) and spot the best line on every piece of track.

[riaanb]

Bonking is always viewed as a negative thing

[Longbarn Killer]

I read this somewhere

 

2 fat guys, wearing lycra, can talk to each other and no body thinks it is strange

Edited August 13, 2013 by Longbarn Killer

[Sidewinder.]

You have googled or buy any magazine that has an article on avoiding cramping !

Only look at new cars that can transport a complete XL mtb in the back

Go to decorex and only buy garage racks for stowing bicycles

Wear out a helmet in 18 months

Only buy the cheapest sunglasses because you have lost so many

Go cycling with your work socks to save daylight .No time wasted to change to cycling socks after work

 

Bah! I now wear my cycling socks to work

[Daideron]

"Getting nailed" "hammered" "punished" "bonked" "bonking" "reamed" are not perverse or erotic topics of conversation.

You avoid the beach on holiday coz wearing your cozzie makes you look like a freak, and you would rather be riding anyway

You tell everyone that will listen that you have just bought your first pair of bibshorts and you dont know how you could have gone so long without them

You develop a hatred for bibshorts the first time you have to stop for a natural break

You start referring to peeing as nature breaks

Campy freewheels both irritate and arouse you at the same time

You have assumed the mock TT position while pacing up front on your club ride

You have made these comments "hold your line" ..."WHOA BRU, WHAT THE?"..."COME THROUGH ALREADY" ..."UP UP UP"...and sadly, you start shouting "ALLEZ" at your kids/grandkids school sports day

You actually wore a yellow rubber band on your wrist

Your brakes have screeched

You call bottles "bidons"

Your kitchen cupboards are full of bidons

You develop an irrational liking for Croissants

You wear your Polar instead of Rolex

Wearing a white Tshirt with red polka-dots in casual is a good look, according to you at least

You have secret dreams of making the pilgrimage to L'Alpe d'Huez

You'd love to see Paris, but not with your wife on a contiki tour. Its to see Le Tour!

[LeTurbo]

It's as I feared: I'm a Hubber, not a real cyclist.

[Daideron]

You watched the movie American Flyers and were so psyched up you went out riding straight afterwards

[Daideron]

You paid extra for the race Tshirt

You wear the race Tshirt everywhere

You realize only newbies buy and wear race Tshirts

You become an expert meteorologist, and know what "beaufort" actually means

You have forgotten to stop your Cateye/Garmin after ride/race, and its made you grumpy

You wear crazy bright riding sunglasses on your head when you are not riding

As a roadie you mock MTBikers with Camelbaks

As a MTBiker you laugh at roadies with bidons

"Travel" means something very different to you than it does to your friends

You have had a saddle-sore

You have lied about the size of your saddle-sore

You carbo-load

 

This could go on forever!

[Wonder Woman]

It seems to take quicker to get to the same place on your bicycle than in a car.

You slow down in your car and stare at any cyclist to see how much better their bike is than yours, or see if you know them

You only recognise your friends when they have a helmet and glasses on.

[Wonder Woman]

You meet people in the shops and say "oh, so that's what you look like with clothes on"