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Help me Write This letter


Johan Bornman
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Johan Bornman

Address Etc.

 

To: Mr ER Venter

Kulula

PO Box 7015

Bonaero Park 1622

 

 

22 September 2010

 

Mr Venter

Early next month I’m flying Kulula again. I am very worried. Every time I fly Kulula, the plane is late. I then get home late and it makes me grumpy for a very long time. My wife hates grumpy. My dogs hate grumpy.

But I have a plan. I’ve enclosed my plan and by now you’ve seen it. A shiny new watch with special features like some big and some small dials, big waterproof buttons and a handy strap for fixing it to your arm. I’d appreciate it if you could hand this watch over to your pilot. Explain to him how it works, that big-hand little-hand thing and tell him to make sure that the plane leaves when it is supposed to leave. I hope the waterproof feature is unnecessary.

Then I also have a special request. Ask your pilots not to talk to the passengers. They have nothing interesting to say. We really don’t care that we are taking off in a north-easterly direction. Or flying over Sutherland or some other dorp I can’t see from my aisle seat in the middle of the plane. The cruising altitude is also of no interest to us. We know it is high and that there will be consequences if we fall. That’s enough for us. Besides, we can’t relate to feet and furlongs. It wasn’t taught at school and I believe we moved over to the decimal system in 1970. In fact, just disconnect their intercom system.

Finally, the novelty of the budget airline has worn off and we understand that sardines get to play less for their flights than fatcats. We put up with it but would prefer to suffer in silence. The video camera in the toilet joke and lost goods auction jokes are old. Skip the jokes.

 

I look forward to getting home on time

 

Yours sincerely

JB

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I wouldn't change a thing.

 

But I would give them a digital watch instead of an analog for 2 reasons:

1 - No learning required to read it.

2 - When the battery dies and the watch stops, they will know it.

 

Good luck with getting home on time.

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as is - i have taken to putting my headphones on before takeoff and read. no mp3 player on - just the headphones to not have to hear the corny cr@p they come up with

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I think this letter is perfect, hope that instead of Grumpy, happy arrives. That way the wife and the dog are also happy. We all know what that means..... cheers Johan.

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Ha ha..excellent

 

only thing I would have changed would to send a digital watch, that thing just going to cause more confusion for the pilot, he is going to be telling you all that you flying at an altitute of 9:25

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The letter is good, but rather be safe than sorry. If you are sending a Chopard watch, rather send it to me. I will fly with the watch and the pilot, and if he gets anything wrong, I will slap him over the head.

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