I have an idea for a new thread...

[Skott5]

Now this is golf I could watch ..

[Latent_Blue]

Dispute over the placement of a floodlight results in one hell of an Australian troll 

 

[Latent_Blue]

[Tumbleweed]

And you thought necrophilia was just dead boring...

 

[Guest notmyname]

Yoann Barelli rocking Whistler' A line and Dirt merchant on a cx bike.

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rPY09hP6Xq0

 

Pretty flippin schweet.

[MTBeer]

that oke has done some other classic trolling letters as well.

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/timesheets.html

Edited September 10, 2015 by MTBeer

[Latent_Blue]

that oke has done some other classic trolling letters as well.

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/timesheets.html

I just laughed my head off!

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/interviews.html

[Patchelicious]

The guy at http://dontevenreply.com/index.php is brilliant. If you have a few minutes go read his top rated stuff.

 

Here is two of my favorites:

 

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:

http://dontevenreply.com/images/knife1.JPG

Looks like a normal spoon, right?

http://dontevenreply.com/images/knife2.JPG

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can **** off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

http://dontevenreply.com/images/glock.JPG

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

http://dontevenreply.com/images/m16.JPG

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

http://dontevenreply.com/images/m3.JPG

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a ******* dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that **** too you dumb mother f*****. I hope you get hit by a car. **** off, eat ****, and die.

 

..............................................................................................................

 

Original ad:
I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
Hey,

I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.

Edited September 10, 2015 by Patchelicious

[Patchelicious]

Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number? 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn't give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn't sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

From Felix ********* to Me:

SERIOUSLY STOP TRYOING TO SEND FAX! IT WONT WORK BECAUSE ITS A CELL PHONE!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Can't you just set your cell phone to fax machine mode?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what the hell is fax machine mode? cell phones dont have that!

From Felix ********* to Me:

OMG dude ENOUGH WITH THE FAXES!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Sorry, I set the fax machine to try sending the fax every fifteen minutes until it goes through. It was the office fax machine and I already left for the weekend. Can this wait until Monday?

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO IT CANT WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME

From Felix ********* to Me:

GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND CANCEL IT RIGHT NOW

From Me to Felix *********:

My apologies, I can't go back. I'm at the airport and my flight to Vancouver leaves in an hour and a half. I'll cancel the fax on Monday when I get back.

From Felix ********* to Me:

HEY! NO! **** THAT YOU BETTER FIND A WAY AND CANCEL THIS **** RIGHT NOW!!!! CALL SOMEBODY AT THE OFFICE MAKE THEM DO IT I'M ******* SERIOUS

From Me to Felix *********:

Nobody is at the office, it is 6:30! Actually, you know what? The janitor might be there. We are pretty good friends. Do you want me to contact him?

From Felix ********* to Me:

YES

From Me to Felix *********:

Okay, I gave him your info. He's going to call you shortly. I'm on the plane now and they are making us turn our cell phones off for takeoff. Good luck!

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT HAVE HIM CALL ME YOU IDIOT JUST HAVE HIM CANCEL THE FAX

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

From Felix ********* to Me:

GOD DAMMIT

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

===================================

I made another email account as Dave the Janitor...

===================================

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Hi there! Is this Felix? Mike told me to contact you about buying a fish tank. I'm Dave, the janitor at Mike's office. I tried calling the number he gave me but it sounded like a fax machine or something, so I am emailing you instead.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah hi dave here's the situation. mike has no idea how phones work and tried to send a fax to my phone using the fax machine at his office. now my phone is getting a call from the fax machine every 15 minutes. he said you can cancel the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Mike didn't mention anything about a fax machine to me. He told me to buy a fish tank from you and he'd get it from me on Monday.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

oh jesus christ...no... he was supposed to tell you to cancel the fax that keeps calling my phone. are you at his office? can you stop the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

So you aren't selling the fish tank?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look forget the fish tank just stop the fax machine, PLEASE!!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Why are you so worried about this fax machine? Can't you just turn your cell phone to fax mode?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

that isnt a thing! look im done screwing around here. just stop the fax machine, ok?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Tell you what, I'll cancel the fax machine if you drop the price on the fish tank to $75.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look im in no mood to haggle with a janitor over a ******* fish tank.

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Excuse me? "with a janitor?" What is that supposed to mean? What if I had a fancy rich person job as an investment banker? Would you haggle with me then? I don't like your condescending tone, buddy. I know being a janitor isn't the most desirable job, but I gotta put food on the table for my kids somehow! Sorry I'm not an astronaut with a degree in brain surgery! You're in no mood to argue with a janitor? Well guess what? I am in no mood to turn off fax machines for a rude, snobby, patronizing fish tank owner!

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

i didnt mean to insult you. i like janitors. im sorry! can you please just turn off the fax machine!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Fine. But I am telling Mike what you said to me and I don't think he will want to buy a fish tank from you after that. Are you this rude to your fish? Oh I'm Felix! Sorry, I'm in no mood to feed a goldfish! Maybe if you were a $500 Blueface Angel fish I would feed you.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

......are you done?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Yes, I stopped the fax. Sorry it took me so long to figure out how to cancel it. I'm just a janitor. What do I know about fax machines? I don't have a fancy degree in fax machine engineering.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah yeah.... thats enough. thanks bye


===================================

A few days later, from my original email account...

===================================

From Me to Felix *********:

Felix,

I just got back from Canada to find out you were belittling my janitor? Dave is one of the best janitors I have ever had the pleasure of working with, so you better watch your mouth. You think you are better than him or something? Big words coming from a guy who doesn't even own a fax machine. You can forget about me buying your fish tank!

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

good because im not selling anything to a stupid **** who cant even figure out how to dial a phone number!!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Please, stop harassing me and Dave. You've done enough. Leave us alone.

From Felix ********* to Me:

oh im harassing YOU? the dumbass who sets a fax to send me every 15 minutes and then LEAVES THE ******* COUNTRY? you know how many times that fax machine called me you stupid piece of **** you have the nerve to say IM harassing YOU? go **** yourself you ******* fuckhead!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

Hola! I will be on vacation in Mexico until Monday, June 17th and will not be checking my email until I return. Adios, amigos!

[DJR]

     Some great stuff above! :D

[Latent_Blue]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=111

[Patchelicious]

He is an absolute master.

 

Original ad:

Need your lawn mowed? I own a Ride-on mower and offer professional mowing for an affordable price. Price is generally $30 per hour based on services. I offer discounts for larger plots of land. E-mail or call me to discuss.

 

***************@gmail.com

(302)-***-****

From Me to ***************@gmail.com:

 

Hey,

 

My yard is 5 acres and I would like to work out some kind of regular mowing schedule. How much will you charge for five acres? Do you come weekly? Please let me know.

 

Thanks,

 

Mike

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

Hey Mike. Where do you live? Yes, I come weekly. I charge by the hour, but a rough estimate would be around $45 depending on if you want me to do trimming as well.

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

Sounds good Rob. I'm located off of Naaman's road, near the 202 intersection. I would like you to trim around my sidewalk and patio, so I guess you should factor that into the price. I just need you to sign a waiver before you mow my lawn for the first time. Let me know when you would be able to do this.

 

Thanks,

 

Mike

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

Why do you need me to sign a waiver?

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

The last couple of dumbass landscapers I had working for me sued me for injuries that were their own fault. I am just covering my ass so I don't have to deal with these damn settlements anymore. As long as you use common sense, the waiver won't even have to come into play.

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

Forgive me for asking but how were they injured? I find it peculiar that you have been sued by landscapers.

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

Well, let me just say that I inherited this property from my grandfather when he passed away. He was a war veteran and a little bit eccentric when it came to guns. Long story short, he buried a bunch of land mines in his backyard. I had no idea until the first idiot mowing my lawn ran over one and it exploded. He lost his right leg and then sued me like a little whining baby, claiming it was my fault.

 

The waiver pretty much says you won't sue me if you hurt yourself by detonating a mine.

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

Why would anyone in their right mind agree to that? He had every right to sue you. There is no reason for land mines in Delaware.

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

Like I said, just use common sense and don't run over the mines. They are Valmara 69 mines, so you can see a bunch of little prongs poking out of the ground. Just drive your lawn mower around any if you see them. There might not even be any left. Some could even be duds - these are very old mines. Just forget about the mines and sign the waiver. I don't work on Wednesday, we can meet then to sign the papers.

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

I will never agree to this. Not in a million years. I don't know who you should call but it is definitely not a landscaper.

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

You said you had a ride-on mower, right? These are anti-personnel mines, not anti-tank mines. Meaning your mower can probably withstand the blast. The mines weren't made to disable enemy German lawnmowers. The jackass that blew his leg off was using a self-propelled mower. How about this: you can just sign the waiver for personal injury. I'll cover the cost of repairs if the mine ends up damaging your mower.

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

I value my life, so no thanks. If you ask me, I think you are the jackass for expecting anyone to mow your lawn given the circumstances.

 

From Me to Rob *****:

 

Apparently they just don't make landscapers like they used to anymore. I remember when landscaping was a real man's job, and there was no lawn that couldn't be mowed. Now everyone is such a little bitch about everything. "Waaaahhh! I dont want my wittle wawn mower to bwow up!" Would you sue me if a bee stung you while you were mowing my lawn, or if you got mauled by fire ants? Do I have to go to court if you forget to wear a jacket and catch a cold while mowing my lawn? C'mon man, suck it up and do your job.

 

From Rob ***** to Me:

 

Dear Mike,

 

**** you.

 

Rob

[Hairy]

that oke has done some other classic trolling letters as well.

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/timesheets.html

Oh how I "love" doing time sheets ...... unfortunately this office does not do it like the others I have been with, so have been able to re-invest that wasted time on the BH!

[the nerd]

 

Morning trickery from Jeff. @jeffkendallweed #obsessives

A video posted by Kitsbow (@kitsbow) on

Sep 10, 2015 at 5:03am PDT

 

Edited September 10, 2015 by the nerd

[Shebeen]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=111

this guy is good. i would love to see him and david thorne combine (or even try outrick each other)

[Shebeen]

Now this is golf I could watch ..

here is my chick 

https://instagram.com/p/w8GjU7u2ph/

 

 

 

damn instagram click here - https://instagram.com/p/w8GjU7u2ph/

Edited September 10, 2015 by Shebeen