Maniax Posted May 8, 2014 Share Cant wait for the next installment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VicanZA Posted May 8, 2014 Share This is funny stuff! But some real *** advice... Riding in the slip...*** myself laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VicanZA Posted May 8, 2014 Share Best part of the Sani is giving ur partner horns. Love the code flea.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary57 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Love your way of writing, brilliant. Can't wait for next installment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJR Posted May 8, 2014 Share Another brilliant read RR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squier Posted May 9, 2014 Share Brilliant read! The closer we're getting to sani the more I'm contemplating taking my own food and steering clear of the food at the waterpoints... especially after reading this! Well done though on finishing Day 2 with a stomach bug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disylizzy Posted May 9, 2014 Share Note to self, don't read the reports and drink coffee at the same time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River Rat Posted May 9, 2014 Share With Sani around the corner I thought I'd speed things up a little. Day 2 Recovery There very few things in life that are more overrated than bad sex, on the other hand the value of a good pee when desperate is hopelessly undervalued. In a similar vein a good hot shower after a cold ride is right up there with a great pee and that was what I was having, not a pee a shower stupid! Bleeder's comment that I smelt funny made me have a prewash in the bike wash shed before embarrassing my naked self with my fellow riders. The showers at Jolivet are an engineering feat, the Rhodesian Boiler, or donkey if you prefer, is simply massive. It is larger than anything like it that I have ever seen and I doubt that the person responsible for it's manufacture even knows about ASME 8 design standards. Nonetheless, it works and works well, but if you are short the design of the showers are problematic, you see the taps are positioned in the pipes above your head. The height of these are only accessible if your are about 6ft in height. Now the poor chap next to me wasn't and I watched with much amusement as he tried to adjust the water temperature by leaping in the air and moving the levers in uncontrollable increments. This carried on for a while until the poor fellow was overcome by cramp and fell to floor crying out in pain writhing as he clutched his left hamstring. "Can I help?" I asked. " Ja, can you adjust the shower colder, I can't reach" I reached up set the shower fully on cold, I mean the oke was not specific on how cold! The cold water hit him like a blast of crushed ice "WTF are you doing?" he cried as he bolted upright and talking about bolts the cold water had done a number on this guy's and he was not capable of a pee or even bad sex. "Stop moaning, your cramp is gone is not?" "Actually it's gone, amazing". I didn't want to tell him that other things were gone too, that might seem like over share especially in the men's shower. I set the temperature on his shower to a more acceptable level and we continued ridding ourselves of the days dirt and grime while discussing our respective rides. Turns out that he was a bit of a racer but had a bad mechanical and ended up with single speed from Nando's to the finish losing a lot of time. "And your day?" he asked and I summed it up in one word "crap". Come to think of it that's something I haven't had to worry about since the last water point, great! The next order of business was the massage, I let Bleeder decide between the two ladies assigned to us. He got the doe eyed blonde and I ended up with a ravenhaired goth with a hard look in her eyes. I was too fragile to take any pain so I hid all my aches from her and asked her to focus on my back citing my Spondy. Just as I was settling into a sort of oblivion induced no doubt by my physical state and her rather talented hands when she stopped and said "We have a problem back here!". All sorts of things went through my mind, did I have a little accident? After what I had experienced thorough out the day had my sphincter valve eventually given up the ghost? Had I become the slap gat that Mr Swart my standard 7 woodwork teacher always said I would be, this because I did't sand down the dovetail joint in woodwork class. She sensed my distress and said "your back muscles on the right are 1,5cm larger than the left". This alarmed me even more because I have heard about these religious types that tell you that your one leg is shorter than the other, just to subject to some sort of faith healing ritual with their hands all over you. But looking at this girl I was in for a ritual of the more sinister kind. I imagined it to be in a dark room with a pentagram etched into the floor with flickering black candles placed at each intersecting line of the pentagram. There would be a black and white goat and some gumboots in the corner. There would be whispers coming from the shadows at the edge of the candlelight growing into a low chant in some strange ancient language and my goth tormentor would be dressed in a long black robe. As she approached me she threw off her robe revealing a lithe body dressed in black latex, with a laced up bodice, an egg whisk in her right hand, a feather duster in the left. "Come on Bomber you can't sleep here the next guys are waiting". In a way I was grateful to be woken up because that goat had a mean look in his eye and I hadn't worked out what the gumboots were for, but I was rather partial to the latex and I had some ideas around the egg whisk and feather duster, ah well for another dream, another time! The goth said that my Spondy has caused an imbalance in my musculoskeletal system and I need to consult a biokineticist, she could recommend one if I liked. I was going to ask if she knew one that had a liking for latex when Bleeder dragged me off to go and eat some of the famous Jolivet steaks, my appetite was back! nonky, L'Bie, nickcza and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonky Posted May 9, 2014 Share Top work, RR...really top class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJR Posted May 9, 2014 Share Now I really am getting miffed that I'm not doing it again this year! Edited May 9, 2014 by DJR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maniax Posted May 9, 2014 Share This is like a bloody thriller series, always stopping during the suspense bits.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fire Engine Posted May 9, 2014 Share Thanks River Rat that was the most entertaining thing I have read I a long while. And will keep me laughing for some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shangri la Posted May 9, 2014 Share Hay River Rat I think you are missing your vocation.Each description reawakens experiences from the last 2 years - thanks!!Which one are you riding this year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River Rat Posted May 9, 2014 Share Hay River Rat I think you are missing your vocation.Each description reawakens experiences from the last 2 years - thanks!!Which one are you riding this year?I'm glad you recognised something of the race, we're in the trail this year because we need the daylight hours in terms of batch start time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJR Posted May 10, 2014 Share I'm glad you recognised something of the race, we're in the trail this year because we need the daylight hours in terms of batch start time. Anyone who has done Sani will recognise plenty of what you write about. Really well done, and keep it coming. I can't wait to hear how you 2 got across the final bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brakenjan Posted May 10, 2014 Share Great writing River Rat! Also doing the Trail - will listen out for Blue and Red. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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