New Zealand - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

[davetapson]

 

 in red below is the stuff that ought to be attracting the ire of your social conscience - one of the things about being a white South African, whether at home or abroad is that you get associated with this kind of unreconstructed nonsense. 

 

The thought that I might end up around a braai fire on the other side of the world listening to some expat Saffa expressing views like this is a scary one. 

 

Yeah, because I'm such a unreconstructed racist that I had a chat to them as to how they prepare/eat their kina?    

 

 

 

[davetapson]

I always strongly advocate provincial New Zealand - I live in a dorp far from anywhere. Affordable housing, excellent sense of community, lots of outdoor stuff on your, er, doorstep...and better weather, esp Nelson, Tauranga (I am 100km SE of Tauranga in Whakatane). I'd avoid anywhere on the west coast except maybe Raglan, anywhere south of Blenheim (too cold), Invercargill no thanks, Auckland's awesome if you are a bazillionaire, Hamilton is too central and too cold/rainy misty, but a nice town and is the centre of cycling, Taupo is beautiful but too cold for me...

 

My missus spent 1998 in Whakatane and looks back on it as one of her best times, and nicest places to have lived.  I think that if she were given a re-go at some life decisions, she may well still be there.

 

Now we both have occupations that require us to live in cities, so it's not much of an option.  But strongly considering places like that to retire to, esp if Auckland property prices prove outside our reach.

[intern]

Reading the last few posts about how it is living in NZ and compared to SA etc etc etc I thought I could add my 'new' view due to having our baby now...

 

In the last 4 months I have wanted to move home almost on a daily basis and if my partner would have let me go I would have spent some time at home with my parents with our baby - understandingly he has done all he can to prevent me to jump on a plane.

 

Both of us are in NZ alone - we have no other family here (well my sister is here now but she is still finding her own way so we see her very little and strangely not suited for the role I need someone to be). I miss having that mother/grandmother role that will come take the baby from your arms and change her nappy and feed her and put her to sleep during the day so I can take a shower and have something to eat or just rest a bit.

 

I wish we were living in South Africa so I could have a nanny that could come clean my house so I could maybe rest (not really sleep) while my baby is sleeping instead of doing the laundry, doing the dusting (or all the silent jobs) and then when baby is awake and fed and cleaned then give her a toy and in 10min do all the vacuuming while running back to baby 10 times to make sure she has not started eating the toy up.

 

I wish I had the family member or close friend that would invite me for a meal - this does not happen in NZ! Kiwi's don't even invite you to their house for a beer never mind a meal. I can remember as a child how many dinners or lunches we ate at my aunts or ouma.

 

My partner is (more needs to be) my friend, sibling, mother/father, ouma/oupa, nanny AND the father of our child AND my lover (and I need to be all this to him) and many times in the last 4 months we realized that we can not be all this for one another - every day we wake up though trying to be this for one another (he is better at it than me) but every night we go to be more exhausted than the day before because we have no village and I can tell you that once you have a baby you realise more than ever how much you need a support system just to keep sane. Life would have been way easier if we could just have that nanny and granny.

 

We came home the day she was born.

She has had every feed of her life with me.

I have witnessed every nappy change.

She has been every awakened moment with me in the same house.

I have had 4 hours of her life to myself (after I made sure she was asleep).

 

I can with confidence say that if I was in SA it would not have been like this. And the worse is everyday thus far I wish I was in SA but then I go walk with her in the stoller, just the two of us going 10km all over and I have NO fear, I take photos with my phone in public of us on the walk and not scared someone is seeing me and then would come take my phone - here I am free in that regard, but without 'a village' / or some support it is really something we as expats (with new babies especially) find very hard. (Talking about all my friends all around the world that has new babies too.)

 

Beautiful child Hayley!

 

It is very hard raising kids on your own with 'no support'; we've done two of 'em. For me, it wasn't that much of an issue because my parents, etc, have no interest in children so I had no expectation of help. Harder for my Mrs; helps, though, that she stopped working for about 4 years, and also that I work from home and am a very hands-on Dad. You have to get used to the idea that whatever you did for fun before, you can't do now any more. There's a whole new ball game of fun stuff to do, and guess what, it';s gonna be awesome (especially if you like playing kiddies games haha).

 

But ja. As for kiwis inviting you to their homes, give it time, they have all their friends already, it is you who needs friends not them. It's also different in AKL vs regions; people here expect you to call in for a cup of tea or a beer, for example, you don't actually need an invitation. And if it is my neighbours, they will see me working in the garden (like this past Saturday) and climb over the fence with a six pack

[davetapson]

Two questions for those that know, please:

 

1. Interview attire - I'm assuming something like collared shirt, chinos and leather shoes? My understanding is that workplaces tend to dress fairly informally?

 

2. Beer. Outside of Steinlager, what's good to drink?  Until I'm earning, I can't work my way through the beer fridge... 

Edited October 29, 2018 by davetapson

[intern]

Two questions for those that know, please:

 

1. Interview attire - I'm assuming something like collared shirt, chinos and leather shoes? My understanding is that workplaces tend to dress fairly informally?

 

2. Beer. Outside of Steinlager, what's good to drink?  Until I'm earning, I can't work my way through the beer fridge... 

Generally smart casual, but depends what type of job you're interviewing for.

On beer...stay away from poofy craft beer, if it was good, it would be mass produced.

Speights Gold Medal is my preferred beer...Tui is OK, too, Lion Red is fine...

[Wayne Potgieter]

you don't actually need an invitation. And if it is my neighbours, they will see me working in the garden (like this past Saturday) and climb over the fence with a six pack

Hayley. I want you to read Interns post above that I have snipped slightly.

 

I have offered many times to help and babysit. Whatever you need. Even if it’s take L for a walk while you do some chores or anything.

 

I don’t want to be pushy, but I expect you to take me up on the offer that has no expiry date. All you need to do is text me and Nita and I will make a plan.

 

For the record we understand how you feel. We had ZERO support network on SA when our kids were born and we get it.

[Rocket-Boy]

Hayley. I want you to read Interns post above that I have snipped slightly.

 

I have offered many times to help and babysit. Whatever you need. Even if it’s take L for a walk while you do some chores or anything.

 

I don’t want to be pushy, but I expect you to take me up on the offer that has no expiry date. All you need to do is text me and Nita and I will make a plan.

 

For the record we understand how you feel. We had ZERO support network on SA when our kids were born and we get it.

I dont know Wayne personally but my impressions are he is one of the most standup guys on the hub, take him up on his offer!

 

When I was going through a really rough time and looking to move Wayne stuck his hand up and said he would be willing to help, to offer that to a complete stranger takes a very special kind of person.

 

Im busy watching things unfold with my sister and her 1 month old baby at the moment, she is only 300km from where my mom lives but she has felt very alone and stranded from help despite her husband being a susperstar at doing whatever he can.

We chatted quite a bit about it and i realized that its very tough to see through the haze that is sleep deprivation and having to *constantly* have our eye on your little one.

 

Things will get better and life will start getting more fun again soon, its just rough getting through the earlier months.

 

I still wonder why people often think Im crazy for not wanting kids 

[Stretch]

Hang in there Hayley. A new child is hard..a new child in a new land is even tougher. Lean on your partner for support not for venting and your will get through this. She is beautiful

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

What a beautiful little (big) girl, HA! Congratulations, you done good. 

 

Mirroring all the sentiments here, it's difficult for sure. I saw the same with my sister, who lives in England with her 2 daughters. Hang in there, it DOES get easier, and take Wayne up on his offer!

[Amberdrake]

Beautiful girl! Enjoy it while it lasts. Mine just started walking and tantrums..... and she is strong!

[rad006]

#WayneIsAwesome and #SoIsIntern.....

 

aaaa how I miss them.....

[GrahamS2]

Yeah I am replying to myself. They have put a number on the table now that is considerably more than what u was earning when I was there.  If this was 1,5-2 years in the future I would be there in a heartbeat!  The mind is in turmoil.

Don't miss the opportunity, it may not be there in the future. The immigration landscape wrt NZ and OZ is changing rapidly.

[GrahamS2]

I have had 4 hours of her life to myself (after I made sure she was asleep).

 

The good news is you're 2/3rds of the way through the hardest part.

Our son was also born and raised far from any support structures. The first 6 months was tough, but it rapidly gets easier after that. Just pick a routine for her and stick to it

[Ramrod]

Don't miss the opportunity, it may not be there in the future. The immigration landscape wrt NZ and OZ is changing rapidly.

I had to decline but they totally understood. I made the mistake once before of having to deal with difficult step kids which was the cause of usreturning 2 years ago. The wife and  I agreed that we would wait for them to finish school which is in 2 years time. Even if it was 1 year to go I would brave coming over myself and then returning for holidays etc.

[MrJacques]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but can the English literacy test be taken here in SA?

 

I've been looking at the OZ option and the amount of paperwork to do is quite a lot. It seems like I can do most of the applications online, including my skills assessment (I'm a software developer, hint hint for anyone reading ). 

 

I don't really want to pay agent fees if I don't have to, but I suppose it's better than submitting incorrect paperwork. Any recommendations?

Edited October 31, 2018 by Jacquers

[Wayne Potgieter]

I had to decline but they totally understood. I made the mistake once before of having to deal with difficult step kids which was the cause of usreturning 2 years ago. The wife and  I agreed that we would wait for them to finish school which is in 2 years time. Even if it was 1 year to go I would brave coming over myself and then returning for holidays etc.

Probably a wise decision, but I imagine it was a tough one.