Advice on Divorce

[Paul Ruinaard]

Amazing..

 

I have followed this thread from day one. Make no mistake divorce is a ******. No other way of putting it. Sometime its doomed from the start, then other times people and circumstances change and then it all goes pear. We are all different and no two stores are the same - in love that is, the legal advice however is a different mug..

Last Friday was my 12th wedding anniversary, we were married for 10 years before I called it and left, or got kicked out depending on who you talk to. Hopefully it all gets wrapped up in the next few months and I can celebrate the beginnings of a new chapter.

 

To all those that have been there - Cheers, I see you.

To all those that are going there, and know it - Dont be afraid.

To all those that are going there and dont know it - Wake up!

To all those that aren't there - Make sure..

 

Life is an amazing journey and it need not be wasted on those who aren't worthy of sharing it with ypu. However we are not always a good judge at first and people change. Therein lies the truth of the uncertain constant dynamic..

 

Damn, time for another beer

Brilliant post.

[Paul Ruinaard]

here is a little story, similar to this.

 

A lady I know was married with accrual and at the time worked for a company that was flying high on the JSE, an IT company that was the darling of the bourse. She had share options and life was lovely. Sadly the marriage stumbled a bit and when it was time to evaluate the size of the respective estates she had all these share options which were valued at 83 rand each...she was literally worth millions (although not a high earner if that makes sense) and her estate was duly liable to pay out to his estate. Loans were taken and everything was peachy....

 

well , that turned out extremely badly for her....the share plummeted to around 10 rand in a very short space of time and she had these loans...it turned out very badly for her...

 

so, word of warning.... be very very careful when you start valuing assets. an don't get divorced.

You are no doubt talking about Didata. They gave everyone shares and some receptionists ended up very rich. Didnt have a clue as to how wealthy either. 

 

I worked at Cisco through the dotcom boom which means i worked closely with Didata and actually spent two years there myself.

 

I heard some amazing stories at Cisco. One French guy i knew decided jointly with his wife not to disclose his Cisco shares to the taxman. They split up and she ratted on him, he had to pay all the tax as they were in his name so he went from rockstar lifestyle to a small flat on the outskirts of Paris. I can't vouch as to whether he was happier, but poorer and bitter were valid.

 

Thing is negotiating divorce settlements is like negotiating a peace treaty with all your and your oppositions troops massed on the border. There will be skirmishes that could escalate it in to all out war, but the best outcome is to settle and disarm. Not that easy to do when everyone is hell bent on making their point of view heard and hurting the other party. People do strange things when they are angry for short term wins. Giving ground now often leads to a longer term gain.

 

My 2 cents worth

[Tabula Rasa]

https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/missing-west-rand-father-and-son-have-been-found-20180117

 

I think here is a dad that just had too much crap at home, and decided to just get away from it all with his kid for a while.

I remember reading this story last week and thinking the worst. But now that he's decided to resurface unharmed i think what you're saying could be true. It probably is.

[Paul Ruinaard]

Hey Mr (ex) Landy how was the weekend - how you doing?

 

[Slowbee]

Mr Landy, and the others, how you guys doing ?

[New Landy new life]

Hey Guys

 

Wife dissappeared to her Friend for the whole weekend so was at least peacefull.

Spent Saturday early am on a 5 hour cycle on the MTB in a crazy wind half road/offroad and got blown off the path/road a good few times but great training with 1,800 m gain.

Rest of the day spent with my Son and Sunday took him and his mate to an Antique Car show and then met My daughter later at the Beach - was really nice spending time all together.

 

That's about it, soon as wife got back the tension rises and I just go to my room and watch movies on the Laptop. (sound like a teenager)

 

on Wednesday we are back at the mediator to discuss finances for my Son and whatever else needs finalising so we can hopefully agree.

 

My old man suggested I take the final offer/agreement  to another independent lawyer just to make sure it is in my best interest.

[Patchelicious]

Hey Guys

 

Wife dissappeared to her Friend for the whole weekend so was at least peacefull.

Spent Saturday early am on a 5 hour cycle on the MTB in a crazy wind half road/offroad and got blown off the path/road a good few times but great training with 1,800 m gain.

Rest of the day spent with my Son and Sunday took him and his mate to an Antique Car show and then met My daughter later at the Beach - was really nice spending time all together.

 

That's about it, soon as wife got back the tension rises and I just go to my room and watch movies on the Laptop. (sound like a teenager)

 

on Wednesday we are back at the mediator to discuss finances for my Son and whatever else needs finalising so we can hopefully agree.

 

My old man suggested I take the final offer/agreement to another independent lawyer just to make sure it is in my best interest.

The old man sounds wise, I would listen to him.

[New Landy new life]

The old man sounds wise, I would listen to him.

Yep, plan to

 

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[BigDL]

Hey Guys

 

Wife dissappeared to her Friend for the whole weekend so was at least peacefull.

Spent Saturday early am on a 5 hour cycle on the MTB in a crazy wind half road/offroad and got blown off the path/road a good few times but great training with 1,800 m gain.

Rest of the day spent with my Son and Sunday took him and his mate to an Antique Car show and then met My daughter later at the Beach - was really nice spending time all together.

 

That's about it, soon as wife got back the tension rises and I just go to my room and watch movies on the Laptop. (sound like a teenager)

 

on Wednesday we are back at the mediator to discuss finances for my Son and whatever else needs finalising so we can hopefully agree.

 

My old man suggested I take the final offer/agreement to another independent lawyer just to make sure it is in my best interest.

Moving forward beats being in limbo I suppose

 

 

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[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

great stuff, landy. Revel in those little moments. Sorry I wasn't able to add much to your questions on Thursday. My fridge arrived the day after, and my mind wasn't exactly settled. AFAIK you shouldn't have to pay any maintenance, and you're just liable for the accrual claim (the amounts that you're paying towards the car etc should be adjusted against that, BTW) 

 

But hang in there. This was the first weekend I've had with my little one, and it's been awesome. Chilled, but awesome. Beach, chill time and father / son time in his most important period. 

 

Take your dad's advice. It's good advice, but then you were probably raised in his mould so your morals are his morals etc (as much as you may detest this, I dunno your relationship, but it's the same with my late father. It's becoming more apparent as the days go on)

 

Anyway. One day at a time, bud. Vent, see someone (I can recommend Mark Gardener in Kenilworth Mental Health Institute. He helped me IMMENSELY. Pretty good rates, as well) and let people know what you're feeling. It really helps. 

[New Landy new life]

I think my mental health will be ok.  I am a strong bugger in that department and have God on my side too.

 

Just need to get involved in some social groups as far as cycling/hiking/triathlon so I can get to meet more people and start new friendship  groups.

 

I am sure that will help the healing process.

Edited January 22, 2018 by NoMore Landy

[New Landy new life]

Got the settlement figures yesterday.

 

The pension was a big eina pain. Wife's eyes lit up like floodlamps.

Never dreamed that such a huge amount that I have been squirreling away since age 23 would just vanish in a flash.

Had my work pension + a private one so i could retire early.

I will now contact a lawyer to run through the calcs and maintenance figures to see if indeed fair.

Mediator did say nowadays couples exclude pensions in their ANC contracts - s$!t.

 

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[Gen]

Got the settlement figures yesterday.

 

The pension was a big eina pain. Wife's eyes lit up like floodlamps.

Never dreamed that such a huge amount that I have been squirreling away since age 23 would just vanish in a flash.

Had my work pension + a private one so i could retire early.

I will now contact a lawyer to run through the calcs and maintenance figures to see if indeed fair.

Mediator did say nowadays couples exclude pensions in their ANC contracts - s$!t.

 

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Bugger.

 

With her unhealthy spending habits wouldn't an option where maintenance for you son is controlled by someone else..

 

Does your son not maybe want to live with you?

 

 

 

 

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Edited January 25, 2018 by Gen

[Letum911]

Got the settlement figures yesterday.

 

The pension was a big eina pain. Wife's eyes lit up like floodlamps.

Never dreamed that such a huge amount that I have been squirreling away since age 23 would just vanish in a flash.

Had my work pension + a private one so i could retire early.

I will now contact a lawyer to run through the calcs and maintenance figures to see if indeed fair.

Mediator did say nowadays couples exclude pensions in their ANC contracts - s$!t.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

Ouch! But a good idea to have the calculations checked. I have seen gross errors in some attorney's calcs.

 

As for the Pre-nups, the newest exclusions I see on a day to day basis are:

1) Pensions and annuities, of course including the growth and replacement thereof;

2) Investments;

3) Motor vehicles at replacement value.

 

Odd items I have come across the past 6 months:

1) Collections (of all sorts but including stamps, coins etc);

2) Firearms;

3) A surf board.

[Gen]

Ouch! But a good idea to have the calculations checked. I have seen gross errors in some attorney's calcs.

 

As for the Pre-nups, the newest exclusions I see on a day to day basis are:

1) Pensions and annuities, of course including the growth and replacement thereof;

2) Investments;

3) Motor vehicles at replacement value.

 

Odd items I have come across the past 6 months:

1) Collections (of all sorts but including stamps, coins etc);

2) Firearms;

3) A surf board.

Besides the family business my hubby had his motorbike written into the ANC..which of course has since been sold. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

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Edited January 25, 2018 by Gen

[Letum911]

Besides the family business my hubby had his motorbike written into the ANC..which of course has since been sold. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

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And replaced I hope!!

 

These things are so personal that it's hard to judge people on them. Just always interesting to see what's excluded. Also what the issues are that can't be settled in a divorce.

 

During my articles I had clients who settled millions of R's but could not agree on how to split a collection of an adult nature...