Advice on Divorce

[dev null]

https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/missing-west-rand-father-and-son-have-been-found-20180117

 

I think here is a dad that just had too much crap at home, and decided to just get away from it all with his kid for a while.

[Let's Ride]

Firstly, never see property as an asset, not at least in your personal capacity.  You will always need somewhere to live, If you use it as business premises rather sell it to your business and rent it back.  In this way your tax consultant can get you better deal with the taxman, and you can live at a protected rent rate.  Also drop as much as you can into a properly managed pension/annuity fund.  These funds have a spread of investment portfolio's and tend to be more robust than a single investment portfolio such as property.  (also your wife's sticky paws will not get to it so easily). 

Also instead of being the sole owner of your company, maybe dis-invest, a bit of your owners equity and bring some partners onboard (such as your wife, your brothers ext) so that your contribution to owners equity is only 60% and a trusted partner (Like your mum) the other 40%, in that way even if your wife claims half of your share in the company, you can leverage controlling share of the equity and effectively shut her out of the decision-making.

 

Two things are worrying, firstly that you are worried about divorce (which may indicate that bad things are on the way) and secondly that you got sucker punched by you wife to such a point that you have no pension or investments, other than that which she can destroy, and in return she is well off and well protected.  Me thinks your wife is the brainy one, and in your case she is a keeper, give her your man card.  (maybe you should appoint her the CEO of your company)

 

No, we all good but her mom got divorced at the age of 50 after thinking all was good it ended like that. 

 

My parents are still married and going strong. Just always better to be prepared than to not be. After reading this thread it made me realise that I must look at loop holes rather now on than later if it does happen.

 

We are looking at buying flats and renting them out very soon. 

 

We have been married for 3 years and dated for 7 before that. 

Edited January 18, 2018 by Let's Ride

[I FLY]

remember to schedule a "date night" every now and then.  Very important for communication and stuff

We go out for dinner every Thursday evening and on weekends we cycle together and then have breakfast

 

Other individual hobbies/interests are not huge consumers of time.

[Let's Ride]

Walks with the dogs definitely helps as well as taking turns to wake up and make food. I now wake up and make here coffee while she is sleeping. Simple gesture but makes her happy. 

 

Church etc but let's leave that to another thread. 

[Shebeen]

I suppose date nights are good for people who live very busy lives and do not have time to connect with each other after work and for those with small kids!! etc..

 

Man but we fail at date nights..date nights and any romantic gestures.. and not that we haven't tried.. but we are both not romantic at all ..so we just suck at it.. but it's okay it has given us many laughs over the years.

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

try some role play

 

you can be Sagan, he can be Oleg

Edited January 18, 2018 by freewheelin' Hub Dylan

[Paul Ruinaard]

No, we all good but her mom got divorced at the age of 50 after thinking all was good it ended like that. 

 

My parents are still married and going strong. Just always better to be prepared than to not be. After reading this thread it made me realise that I must look at loop holes rather now on than later if it does happen.

 

We are looking at buying flats and renting them out very soon. 

 

We have been married for 3 years and dated for 7 before that. 

The best thing to do is not to get divorced in the first place.

 

Approach it from that mindset.

 

I bet every person on this string who has gone through it, would IMO tell you this,  and also probably identify what they could have done to fix it at some time or another.

 

Sometimes you really do grow apart and it's not going to work so it's not all cases but most of the time it could have been fixed. 

[Patchelicious]

The best thing to do is not to get divorced in the first place.

 

Approach it from that mindset.

 

I bet every person on this string who has gone through it, would IMO tell you this,  and also probably identify what they could have done to fix it at some time or another.

 

Sometimes you really do grow apart and it's not going to work so it's not all cases but most of the time it could have been fixed. 

 

From some stats I read the other day, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, so the best way to not get divorced seems to be simply to not get married in the first place

 

Think in the states it as closer to 75%, Bill Burr famously said, would you jump out a plane if your parachute would only open once every 4 jumps?

[Paul Ruinaard]

From some stats I read the other day, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, so the best way to not get divorced seems to be simply to not get married in the first place

 

Think in the states it as closer to 75%, Bill Burr famously said, would you jump out a plane if your parachute would only open once every 4 jumps?

I reckon in South African urban areas in the affluent suburbs in Gauteng and CTN it must be 75% as well. Across my mates its mostly second marriages TBH.

 

Thing is once you are in you are better off trying to make it work cause getting out is a bit messy.

[Patchelicious]

I reckon in South African urban areas in the affluent suburbs in Gauteng and CTN it must be 75% as well. Across my mates its mostly second marriages TBH.

 

Thing is once you are in you are better off trying to make it work cause getting out is a bit messy.

I have always had a slightly different view on this.

 

How many people who should call it quits and move on dont, because they dont want to "give away half their stuff". So you stay and end up resenting, then hating the other person and end up living an unhappy life simply because it was too difficult to get out when you should have?

[Letum911]

I almost believe the current stats are around 62% ito divorce rate. 

 

I agree with Patch that many people should have called it quits a long time ago, but they stick it out for the wrong reasons.

 

I'm getting married in Oct, so completely the opposite as what this thread is based on. But we'll be placing our assets in companies and trusts, meaning that if we do split for some or other reason, the divorce is the simple part. The assets in the trusts and companies will be dealt with from a financial perspective with either party buying out the other or where that is not possible you split the rights to the assets and just amend the deed of trust.

[Paul Ruinaard]

I almost believe the current stats are around 62% ito divorce rate. 

 

I agree with Patch that many people should have called it quits a long time ago, but they stick it out for the wrong reasons.

 

I'm getting married in Oct, so completely the opposite as what this thread is based on. But we'll be placing our assets in companies and trusts, meaning that if we do split for some or other reason, the divorce is the simple part. The assets in the trusts and companies will be dealt with from a financial perspective with either party buying out the other or where that is not possible you split the rights to the assets and just amend the deed of trust.

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden. 

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

[Paddaman]

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden. 

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

Stay at home wives are not stupid, Husbands that insist their wives stay at home are stupid. 

[Escapee..]

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden. 

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

 

Hmmm I think he has that part covered

[Escapee..]

Stay at home wives are not stupid, Husbands that insist their wives stay at home are stupid. 

 

Yip

 

Recipe for disaster IMHO

[Patchelicious]

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden.

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

So if she was a little more patient she could have gotten more.... sometimes, not always, but sometimes it’s more about ruining the other party rather than just settling well.

[IceCreamMan]

Question. We are married out of community of property with accrual but the pension funds are considered separate if it hits the fan.

 

I work for myself and have paid for the house with all my investments and monthly income. House is in both of our names as that's what the wife wanted even though I paid for it... I consider the house part of my retirement as well as my business but if we get divorced she gets half of both and I get none of her pension fund.

 

I'm also worried as the investments I had before we got married were excluded and if I didn't use that money for the house they would be growing right now and I would be entitled to the interest. The house grows in value but if that's split half half then she benefits.

 

How easy is it to get our contracts re done as I don't like the way it's structured right now.

 

Were the pension funds specifically excluded at the time of drawing up the ANC ? And were the yexcluded for the value at that time or any future value they may be worth should divorce occur?

 

ANC contracts are not necessarily about specific assets but the value of assets ... you can exclude certain items such as family heirlooms or cars or whatever which were there at the time of the contract.

 

The house , even if only registered in your name would appreciate in value and you would be liable for the growth in your estate anyway assuming yr estate grew at a larger rate than hers since contract. So it does not matter exactly what the assets may be.

 

But hey, I digress, marriage really is a partnership and if you are concerned about the fact you might get divorced then just get divorced now then you don't have to worry about it. Facetious yes, but you cant go through life worrying about it....