Advice on Divorce

[Gen]

She finally accepted my proposed Maintenance offer just to be done with me and I think to get hold of my pension so she can clear her debt and pay her family back also.

 

Another bump out of the way - whew.

 

Thanks guys for the brilliant posts above - nice to have Mates I don't even know

Good news..now you can let out that deep breath you were holding and start moving forward...

 

It's one of many small bumps but that one is now behind you..

 

 

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[New Landy new life]

Couple things that have changed already:

 

I Get to bed late every night, first cycle or gym, then make supper and then dishes or washing, then pay the bills online or sometimes go out with mates.

 

Shopping takes ages as I don't make a list, just wing it by walking up each isle until I see something I think I need and then get a fright at the cashier.

 

Place is getting a bit untidy as my brain is still duurmekaar so I put things down all over the place - normally I am more organised - sure that will return in time.

 

Cooking thus far I am very lazy and make quick rubbish most nights but at least once a week I cook veggies an meat or a curry and then bum a meal at the folk's one night also.

 

Lot's to train myself with an try organize a routine.

Edited March 7, 2018 by NoMore Landy

[Rata-tat-tat]

Couple things that have changed already:

 

I Get to bed late every night, first cycle or gym, then make supper and then dishes or washing, then pay the bills online or sometimes go out with mates.

 

Shopping takes ages as I don't make a list, just wing it by walking up each isle until I see something I think I need and then get a fright at the cashier.

 

Place is getting a bit unity as my brain is still duurmekaar so I put things down all over the place - normally I am more organised - sure that will return in time.

 

Cooking thus far I am very lazy and make quick rubbish most nights but at least once a week I cook veggies an meat or a curry and then bum a meal at the folk's one night also.

 

Lot's to train myself with an try organize a routine.

I find shopping without a list impossible and somewhat frustrating. Write a list save yourself the extra trip to get what you forgot.

 

 

Cooking is fun, pick a recipe and give it a crack. There are many tutorials on YouTube. Good luck!

[mazambaan]

I can't comment from my own experience as I'm staying married (I think anyway) and still have a Landy but I can say this:

 

I have had 2 good friends who went through messy divorces and struggled for a while.  But both of them realised they were now masters of their own destiny and went on to be very successful (business, pleasure and home life); much more so than when they were married. I think you get rid of a great deal of bad baggage that holds you back at the expense of some intense emotion.

 

I thinking this will happen to you.

[Paul Ruinaard]

Couple things that have changed already:

 

I Get to bed late every night, first cycle or gym, then make supper and then dishes or washing, then pay the bills online or sometimes go out with mates.

 

Shopping takes ages as I don't make a list, just wing it by walking up each isle until I see something I think I need and then get a fright at the cashier.

 

Place is getting a bit unity as my brain is still duurmekaar so I put things down all over the place - normally I am more organised - sure that will return in time.

 

Cooking thus far I am very lazy and make quick rubbish most nights but at least once a week I cook veggies an meat or a curry and then bum a meal at the folk's one night also.

 

Lot's to train myself with an try organize a routine.

One foot in front of another .... Like the end of a long race....

 

When you get a chance sit and think and look back at where you were when you first posted this topic and see the distance you have come since then. 

 

And in the immortal words of one of my mates: Like in a hire car - there is a warning "Things in the rear view mirror may be closer than what they appear". The point is: There may be a time when you ex realizes things aren't going to be as great as what she thought and then will be like a boomerang back at your doorstep. Normally when **** happens with the new BF.

 

My ex chose the morning of the court appearance to finalize to call me to discuss whether we were doing the right things. Its a tough call to get.

 

If you have come this far and your world is starting to stabilize - going back can haul you back in very quickly in to the quagmire you were in.

 

Just saying

 

Just go forward mate. No looking back other than to measure the distance as to how far you have come.

[Hacc]

Landy, thanks for voicing your feelings on this thread. Most people (including myself) did the total opposite and kept everything to myself only to realize it just makes things worse. You need to be open and have people to talk to (Even if it is strangers you will probably never meet).

 

One day you will go through this thread again and won't believe how far you have come. 

 

It is a rollercoaster ride of emotions for about a year, but believe me, it gets better. You do find yourself and a routine that works for you. Don't dwell on the past, you will drive yourself insane. Yes, you do struggle with that for years, but it is really not worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change what happened.

[Escapee..]

Couple things that have changed already:

 

I Get to bed late every night, first cycle or gym, then make supper and then dishes or washing, then pay the bills online or sometimes go out with mates.

 

Shopping takes ages as I don't make a list, just wing it by walking up each isle until I see something I think I need and then get a fright at the cashier.

 

Place is getting a bit unity as my brain is still duurmekaar so I put things down all over the place - normally I am more organised - sure that will return in time.

 

Cooking thus far I am very lazy and make quick rubbish most nights but at least once a week I cook veggies an meat or a curry and then bum a meal at the folk's one night also.

 

Lot's to train myself with an try organize a routine.

 

On the cooking front maybe give this a go. Have a friend that loves it

 

https://www.ucook.co.za/

 

Food look awesome and its free delivery..you still have to make it though

[Bateleur1]

Couple things that have changed already:

 

I Get to bed late every night, first cycle or gym, then make supper and then dishes or washing, then pay the bills online or sometimes go out with mates.

 

Shopping takes ages as I don't make a list, just wing it by walking up each isle until I see something I think I need and then get a fright at the cashier.

 

Place is getting a bit unity as my brain is still duurmekaar so I put things down all over the place - normally I am more organised - sure that will return in time.

 

Cooking thus far I am very lazy and make quick rubbish most nights but at least once a week I cook veggies an meat or a curry and then bum a meal at the folk's one night also.

 

Lot's to train myself with an try organize a routine.

 

Wrt the cooking.  I often have to look after the kids myself for a couple of days and working more than an hour away from work it leave very little time in the evening and having kids you can't really take shortcuts with the meals.  So what I do pic a meal like a patator bake or macaroni and cheese or something and make enough for two days.  Then the next day that is sorted and then I just bake lots of veggies with spice and butter, enough for two days.  Then the only thing that changes daily is the meat I cook.  Then it does not take that much time.

[Mudsimus]

So you cant clean, shop or cook? No bloody wonder...????

[New Landy new life]

So you cant clean, shop or cook? No bloody wonder...[emoji23]

Funny. ???? Actually can cook quite well but just not motivated as I am only cooking for 1.

I used to be called Jamie Oliver by my mates who ate my cooking.

 

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[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Funny. Actually can cook quite well but just not motivated as I am only cooking for 1.

I used to be called Jamie Oliver by my mates who ate my cooking.

 

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Braai. Or make large batches of food and freeze. 

[Uni]

Funny. Actually can cook quite well but just not motivated as I am only cooking for 1.

I used to be called Jamie Oliver by my mates who ate my cooking.

 

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FWIW chicks dig a guy who can cook (and not just slap meat on the braai) - so there's that - for when you're back in that space. 

 

*ahem @Mayles  

[Letum911]

She finally accepted my proposed Maintenance offer just to be done with me and I think to get hold of my pension so she can clear her debt and pay her family back also.

 

Another bump out of the way - whew.

 

Thanks guys for the brilliant posts above - nice to have Mates  I don't even know 

Nice one! Let's be optimistic and believe that reason prevailed  .

 

Now as for the food aspect. If finances allow Fit Chef is your answer. 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

FWIW chicks dig a guy who can cook (and not just slap meat on the braai) - so there's that - for when you're back in that space. 

 

*ahem @Mayles

Hey, you can do gourmet on the braai...

 

But yes. Kitchen-fu is important

[Gen]

Hey, you can do gourmet on the braai...

 

But yes. Kitchen-fu is important

My husband has a friend who makes the most incredible food on the braai...

 

Well had, he has since moved to NZ but I remember him being a perk of me dating hubby way back when.

 

 

 

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[Jehosefat]

On the cooking front maybe give this a go. Have a friend that loves it

 

https://www.ucook.co.za/

 

Food look awesome and its free delivery..you still have to make it though

I can second this.

 

I'm single and live by myself so the fact that they deliver all the ingredients you need for 3 delicious meals for one person is super handy.

 

I've found the selection to be good and most of the meals have been delicious.