Advice on Divorce

[coppi]

Be strong and I hope all works out smooth for you.......God is everywhere so you don’t have to do the church thing, remember that

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[New Landy new life]

If you come to Shimmy Beach tomorrow night (Wednesday) i will introduce you to my girlfriends sisters.

Thanks but not yet mate.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Patchelicious]

Seems like you are keeping your chin up, good on you!

 

I haven’t gone through a divorce yet, but a few mates have. Advice, get a lawyer. You say that you still love your soon to be ex, DONT let this cloud your judgement. Get somebody who is not emotionally invested and let them deal with it.

 

The advice that I can give, is more about having feelings for somebody that no longer has the same feelings. Don’t fall for that little glimmer of hope that you might sort it out. These pop up the whole time, especially when you spend time together and share a happy moment. That little bit of hope causes so much pain. Acceptance that’s it’s over, is step one to moving on and becoming happy again!

 

If you need to chat, or have a beer, or just need somebody to tell you how much better life is without a landie, pm me ????????

Edited December 27, 2017 by Patchelicious

[Paddaman]

Advice that I got from a divorce lawyer, "get an accountant."

 

Balance all the books.  Agree the split together.  Either 50/50 or 40/60 or 40/40/20 (for your child) or what ever.  Work out the cash payouts for both partners.  (remember be unemotional here, you are dissolving a business partnership, not trying to screw each other one last time).   Negotiate how this will be settled.  Be vary wary of drawing money against your pension fund.  Rather give her the cash value of the difference or give her assets to this value.  ie car, boats, bicycles ext.

 

Determine who has custody of the child and how much this is worth.  If you get custody, she will have to pay maintenance and visa versa.  If he is in a university residence, a trust fund can be created in which BOTH parties pay maintenance.

 

Document the agreement.  This is where you will need that lawyer.  Make sure it is air tight, and if you can walk away with no further financial responsibilities towards her, even better.

 

Separate, walk away and forgive and forget.  DO NOT think you can save what is essentially over.  (I have a friend that had break up sex with his ex and now has another child from it).

[New Landy new life]

Seems like you are keeping your chin up, good on you!

 

I haven’t gone through a divorce yet, but a few mates have. Advice, get a lawyer. You say that you still love your soon to be ex, DONT let this cloud your judgement. Get somebody who is not emotionally invested and let them deal with it.

 

The advice that I can give, is more about having feelings for somebody that no longer has the same feelings. Don’t fall for that little glimmer of hope that you might sort it out. These pop up the whole time, especially when you spend time together and share a happy moment. That little bit of hope causes so much pain. Acceptance that’s it’s over, is step one to moving on and becoming happy again!

 

If you need to chat, or have a beer, or just need somebody to tell you how much better life is without a landie, pm me

 

My chin may seem up but it is definitely not - I do wish for a glimmer of hope, but I can tell from the lack of communication from my Wife that here  is no glimmer after all.

I am starting to accept the fact that she has decided it is over - I am just so heart broken I can hardly concentrate at work.

 

Thanks lad's for the offer's

[Help.Me.]

My chin may seem up but it is definitely not - I do wish for a glimmer of hope, but I can tell from the lack of communication from my Wife that here  is no glimmer after all.

I am starting to accept the fact that she has decided it is over - I am just so heart broken I can hardly concentrate at work.

 

Thanks lad's for the offer's

Strongs mnr. Take one day at a time.

[Honkdonk]

I am 18 months into the process and only recently had summons served... its a story. A long one..

 

Lawyer up immediately. It costs money but it will cost more if you dont. You dont need to pay for her lifestyle, but the costs associated will filter through into what you need to pay over in terms of kids etc. Financials are a potential minefield. You pay what you can afford. You cant pay over to her a chunk of cash and then you survive on beans and toast while you live in a cardboard box...

 

Emotions run high and things will be tense for a while and you need to keep a cool head. There have been many times when I have had to bite my tongue and refrain myself from replying to some of the most nastiest, insulting messages ever. Be the bigger person in this process. The best option is to not communicate at all, unless it is to do with the kids. Dont get drawn into petty discussions and mudslinging.

Get a new circle of friends, find something else to take your mind of matters. I joined a cycling group and that helped me meet new people and keep focused instead of drowning my sorrows and staring into the bottom of a beer glass. I got fit and strong.

I found a place to stay and have gotten up onto my feet. It took me a while. I got retrenched at around the same time so things were very tough for a while.

Each situation is different so find your happy place and keep a cool calm head.

I started a divorce thread here a while back and there were some real sad stories, but I also got some good advice

 

There are no winners in a divorce

 

PM if you need to chat

[New Landy new life]

Thanks Help and Honkdonk 

 

I have two mates that I cycle with but they are both married so we don't do anything other than cycle together once or twice a week as they have their own family commitments.

 

Guess I Will have to find a new MTB group to join with more cycling time available.

Edited December 27, 2017 by NoMore Landy

[Patchelicious]

How you holding up bud?

[New Landy new life]

Pretty well at the moment - thanks for asking.

 

Went for an 80 km road ride around the Cape Peninsula this am with a mate so the spirits are up at present.  Weather was glorious and windstill. 

 

Tried a couple times calling the wife to ask for a second chance but door was firmly shut.

 

Oh well - time to move on gently.

[Patchelicious]

Pretty well at the moment - thanks for asking.

 

Went for an 80 km road ride around the Cape Peninsula this am with a mate so the spirits are up at present. Weather was glorious and windstill.

 

Tried a couple times calling the wife to ask for a second chance but door was firmly shut.

 

Oh well - time to move on gently.

Glad to hear. Keep it up!

 

Stay away from that door dude. Go through the ones that are open, friends, family, kids, cycling.... time will heal the other. It WILL get better, keep reminding yourself of that.

[New Landy new life]

Yes, good advice - door locked shut and welded closed for good measure and will not be opened again.

[GrumpyOldGuy]

Yes, good advice - door locked shut and welded closed for good measure and will not be opened again.

Time heals everything NoMore Landy, but try and forgive (yourself and your partner) and avoid judgments that do not take into account the complexity of the situation, try and move forward with a good heart. 

 

Maybe consider going to see a Psychologist for a few sessions, it helps to talk and learn to understand the way you are feeling.

 

I would urge you to continue going to your church, it is a refuge for the wounded in life, and for spirits in turmoil, allow it to lead you beyond your daily physical limitations to a greater inner peace and renewed hope. 

 

I do remember you in my prayers.

[Jaws677]

Yes, good advice - door locked shut and welded closed for good measure and will not be opened again.

NoMoreLady I have to agree with two of Grumpyoldguys comments. Don't be to proud to go see a Psychologist. Even if it's just for one session. Its good to get it all out.

 

Nothing but time can heal what feel like it's broken inside you at the moment.

 

It's going to take a lot of time.

 

Embrace your new freedom. Your biggest enemy is going to be lonelyness. Surround yourself with people whenever you get the opportunity.

 

Your soon to be ex wife has moved on a long time ago. Accept this. Break all communication with her only discuss what has to be discussed nothing else.

 

Someone told me this too will pass. And although it feels like your whole world has come to and end you have no idea what's around the next corner.

 

Good luck

Edited December 30, 2017 by Jaws677

[DJR]

I know people here generally give serious advice, but I have no experience that could help.......except that I'm a Landy addict.

 

I would say that another Landy and the places it can take you to, the things it can let you experience, the change of scenery it can bring, perhaps the time spent fixing it, can be as good a bit of therapy as anything.    

[Stretch]

I know people here generally give serious advice, but I have no experience that could help.......except that I'm a Landy addict.

 

I would say that another Landy and the places it can take you to, the things it can let you experience, the change of scenery it can bring, perhaps the time spent fixing it, can be as good a bit of therapy as anything.

You heartless bastardo... He's just got that over that relationship with the off road tin can.. And then you have to bring it up again... Just face the facts.. He's moved on to his trusty Toyota ????