Autopsy of a bike race - To Hell & (not) Back

[Nancy Drew]

I got the T-shirt in 2012 and definitely don't need another one.

 

I think it was the toughest event I've ever taken part in. I'd even go so far as to say tougher than TransBaviaans..... or maybe it was the 40 degree heat, never ending climbing and my level of fitness at the time that made it feel that way. Let's just say I'm not exactly queuing up to enter again.

 

Good luck to those doing it though 

[Slowbee]

This thread is moving the race very much higher up on the bucket list.

 

I want to do it this year already.It sounds awesome.

:clap:

[fanievb]

There hasn't been a proper HOT hell in a while, the one where you get 38 degrees at 9:30 on heartbreak hill

 

my first one in 2012 I nearly died going up Heartbreak, I think it was something like 42 deg when we got there at 11:00

 

 

second time around in 2013 it was wet on day one and even wetter on day 2 

 

This was day one, looking from the Top towards Oudtshoorn

 

[fanievb]

I got the T-shirt in 2012 and definitely don't need another one.

 

I think it was the toughest event I've ever taken part in. I'd even go so far as to say tougher than TransBaviaans..... or maybe it was the 40 degree heat, never ending climbing and my level of fitness at the time that made it feel that way. Let's just say I'm not exactly queuing up to enter again.

 

Good luck to those doing it though 

 

 

aaah, I recall you telling me the following

 

 

 

you know how to choose them... (after saying the HAB will be my first stage race)

 

p.s. I still have that grey t-shirt, even though I'm not allowed to wear it anymore

[fanievb]

for me the best part about this race ride is the fact that you loose ALL cell signal as you summit the pass.

 

going back this year with my wife and a few mates

[DJR]

No. 4

 

The flat bits were all too short for my liking, no more than just a few kilometres, before we were back into the more typical terrain of steep ascents, sharp unexpected corners and fast, rough descents. Every downhill awarded us with the only level bit anywhere along this route…..a water crossing that you came across without warning. Without much of a front brake, I had to rely on the back brake alone and that meant slowing down gradually and being unable to stop quickly, especially on the rough loose parts. The streams were luckily all of a rideable depth and on more than one occasion, because of the fast approach, I had no real choice but to just plunge in and pedal for the opposite bank. We made it across every stream with only wet feet, but the downside was that it always meant you were at the bottom and there was another devilish climb directly afterwards.

 

By now I was going up the climbs so slowly that my bike computer paused every once in a while because it thought I had stopped. I swear I moved so slowly that I could follow each individual knobbly on my front wheel in a fixated trance. From time to time a couple of riders overtook us and at around halfway, I was convinced that I was now dead stone cold last. What I couldn’t figure out was where the sweeper vehicle was. I suppose it was just as well that it never came near me, or the temptation would surely have been too great. My throat was dry and burning, my head was sore and I was feeling worse by the kilometre. The race paramedic on a quadbike overtook me quite a few times and then waited for me on the next peak. I was sure he gave my contorted red sweating face one look and decided to get his CPR equipment ready. Eventually even he couldn’t stand my dead slow weaving all over the road progress any longer and he disappeared over the horizon in a very enviable effortless cloud of dust. All of a sudden, out of the blue, I developed a hatred of all quadbikes. Before long his place was taken by a photographer on a motorbike that leapfrogged me a few times to take still pictures as well as video footage of my private suffering. By that time I was beyond caring. Where I would usually perk up a bit, smile and greet, I just kept grinding my teeth on the bites of rancid elephant biltong in grim head down determination. No wonder the movie stars are prone to beating up paparazzi! The photographer also got tired of me after a few hills.

 

Meanwhile, Beattbox was still doing track stands to amuse himself on the climbs and stopping on top of every summit to let me catch up. Where he got the patience from is a mystery to me. Talking of summits, I cannot recall any route with quite so many summits and false summits. You see the top of the next hill clearly, but when you get there, it has sneakily moved another kilometre away while you admired the knobblies on your front wheel. It was demoralizing!

 

At water point two, about two thirds into the day, I decided to stop and I gladly accepted some salty chips from the mobile Spur. It went well with all the elephant I ate! I washed it down with a cupful of Coke that I was counting on to perform miracles. At least a little miracle was clearly called for! That might well have saved my life later on, but getting back on the bike there and then, was not the easiest thing I have ever done. My titanium collarbone was hurting, my back was sore, my hands started to go numb, my bum was already at least as numb as my brain. A zombie would have turned his nose up at my mushy grey matter! There was now only twenty odd kilometres of suffering left and I was trusting that my usual second wind would kick in soon, seeing that I’m one of those slow and steady diesels that just keep going and get stronger the further I go. Well, that never happened. Instead, whatever energy and power I still had, just slowly drained away as if I was bleeding from a slashed wrist!

 

The road got steeper and steeper as we got closer to the last climb of the day, a nasty stretch called Hearbreak Hill. They should have called it Heartbreak Mountain! It broke not just my heart, it broke my back, my legs and very nearly my sense of humour. It also reduced me to a wobbling idiot shuffling step by step up the crazy steep slope pushing his bike while trying to stay upright. My ears were popping and I couldn’t hear what Beattbox said, but I assured him in mumbles (my tongue was sticking to my palate) that I was just fine while I wiped the froth from the corner of my mouth. While walking, I ate some more elephant! Walking is not something I do in a bike race, unless it is totally technically impossible to ride, like a ten metre road gap filled with hungry crocodiles and rusted car wrecks. Well, I decided that this climb was so close to a vertical wall that it would count as unridable, and that under the circumstances,I had no choice but to do the sensible thing and become a pedestrian. The organizers should have provided us with rock climbing gear, dammit!

[DJR]

Heartbreak Hill - Never ending climbing, movable summit, steep like an elevator shaft!

[Sepia]

So well written and described.

Nice going DJR. Excellent coverage having done that route myself.

You are making me bleed all over again.

[Underachiever]

Heartbreak Hill - Never ending climbing, movable summit, steep like an elevator shaft!

 

Such a pretty picture of a pretty hill.  with all the lush green vegetation.

 

Can't you Photoshop a bit to show its brutality at 40 deg C 

[Beattbox]

Heartbreak Hill - Never ending climbing, movable summit, steep like an elevator shaft!

I still have nightmares about the first time I saw that hill. 

[Shebeen]

This thread reminds me of River Rat's Canoeist in the desert.

 

and that one is 18mmonths old now with no end in sight

https://community.bikehub.co.za/topic/140832-a-canoeist-in-the-desert/page-12

[milky4130]

DJR this is hilariously funny, only someone who has done it before can really appreciate your ride report, lekker well done & keep it coming.

[milky4130]

DJR, how long do you think it would take non stop ?

 

From the outsdhoorn side? to get into the valley, have a cuppa tea at the bottom and then head straight on back ?

 

the route developing in my mind, is Oudshoorn to Gamkas, then up and onto prince albert (sleep a wee bit) , then turn around and do it all over again ? *munga training*

10 hours non stop, my combined time for 2013 event was just over 6:20, if you were to do that non stop, so 10 hours would be guesstimate even with an extended break at the halfway mark/turnaround point. i would make it a 4am start though.

[Pikey]

The more I read the more intrigued I am with the story. As for the race it's like I am going to have to experience it to understand your pain.

 

This story will always be in the back of ppl 's minds that are going to do the race and have read this thread.

 

Folklore history of To Hell & Back only hubbers will get & understand....

 

......... Waiting ????????????????????

[TALUS]

just got the ok from the boss. No J2C. No S2C. No W2W. yes for Hell and Back and L2L. (And maybe double lap Argus). And Desert Dash????

[DJR]

10 hours non stop, my combined time for 2013 event was just over 6:20, if you were to do that non stop, so 10 hours would be guesstimate even with an extended break at the halfway mark/turnaround point. i would make it a 4am start though.

Big respect