Advice on Divorce

[New Landy new life]

Landy, how you holding up dude?

Thanks Patch - doing ok mate.  I am getting used to the fact that it's overs and busy carrying on finding myself so to speak, and I enjoy my own company so must be an OK bloke.

 

I went some time back for one of those psychologic tests that my COO requested and one of the points that came back said I was hell of a resiliant, probably due to a pretty strict upbrining..

That seems to be helping me survive and it seems in my head now that I am moving on.

Not sure what will happen when she returns tomorrow but I am going to be strong for myself.

[New Landy new life]

Ashley Curran of du Plessis & Curran in Kenilworth. 

We are seing Ashley on Wednesday funny enough.

[New Landy new life]

Eish - she came back last night - "Hi" was all I got and then off to the spare room and havent seen her again.

 

Did a lekka 50 km at Bottelary early am and off with a friend to the Parlotones this evening - all strong so far

Edited January 14, 2018 by NoMore Landy

[Gen]

Eish - she came back last night - "Hi" was all I got and then off to the spare room and havent seen her again.

 

Did a lekka 50 km at Bottelary early am and off with a friend to the Parlotones this evening - all strong so far

Just hang in there..

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[BigDL]

Eish - she came back last night - "Hi" was all I got and then off to the spare room and havent seen her again.

 

Did a lekka 50 km at Bottelary early am and off with a friend to the Parlotones this evening - all strong so far

Stay strong China. Well done on getting out and doing stuff

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Duane_Bosch]

 

 

Did a lekka 50 km at Bottelary early am and off with a friend to the Parlotones this evening - all strong so far

That sounds pretty damn good to me.

[arabsandals]

So after 21 years my wife has had enough and asked to leave me and will not give an option of counselling at all.

 

 

We both work but she earns not too much as a nurse working 7 to 13h00 every day at the moment which I assume she will have to work more hours in future.

 

Been looking on YouTube for advice on how to go about it and the divorce rules but not enough info there.

 

Just a few questions maybe some of you can answer.

 

If we agree on who get's what inside the house as well as a car I bought her, can you go via one of these online type lawyers and if so which one for Cape Town would you recommend.

 

We only have 1 kid left in the house at 17 y.o so I assume I carry on paying his schooling fully myself. I wouldn't try shirk that in any-case.

 

At present I rent one of my old-man's houses with the agreed aim to inherit the house when he passes so, because we are married with an ANC contract which specified inheritances remained our own if we should split that my wife should move out as it would be too difficult for her to maintain the property and pool etc. in any-case.

 

I assume both our pension funds will be split down the middle with the bulk being mine will go to her ?

 

Do I need to maintain her lifestyle the same as before as well or only the Kid ?

 

Do I need to find and pay full rental on a small pad for her and my son, or does she have to contribute ?

 

Is it best to speak to a divorce lawyer just for a consultation or can I just use the online type.

 

Really was a hard pill to swallow today as I still love this lady I married but it has been a bumpy ride the last 7 years or so, lot of both our faults going to bed angry instead of resolving and both of us are very stubborn.

 

Anyway - would appreciate some constructive practical advice.

 

P.S - Do I need to now start a new circle of friends from scratch due to one's common married friends - what did you guys do  ?

 

(46 years old)

My advice is to get some actual advice. You can negotiate an initial consultation for free normally. see a couple lawyers and make your decision based on who you like the most. Once appointed, make sure you keep your hands firmly on the reins and check in regularly for updates. Make sure you explicitly request for breakdowns of exactly how they will bill you so there won't be any surprises. That way both you and your lawyer will be happy.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Eish - she came back last night - "Hi" was all I got and then off to the spare room and havent seen her again.

 

Did a lekka 50 km at Bottelary early am and off with a friend to the Parlotones this evening - all strong so far

TBH mate, that's normal. When you're still living in the same space, and going through it, the tension is gonna be high and she will want to restrict contact as MUCH as possible. 

 

Even now, as soon as the divorce comes up, my OH stonewalls. No discussion unless with the mediator. Michael, food, alles else is cool. But I think it'll take a while before we treat each other properly again. It felt strange going into the house yesterday when I fetched the little one, and to collect a couple more things. 

 

It'll still feel strange for a while. Hope we can feel more at ease when this is over. 

[Mojoman]

TBH mate, that's normal. When you're still living in the same space, and going through it, the tension is gonna be high and she will want to restrict contact as MUCH as possible. 

 

Even now, as soon as the divorce comes up, my OH stonewalls. No discussion unless with the mediator. Michael, food, alles else is cool. But I think it'll take a while before we treat each other properly again. It felt strange going into the house yesterday when I fetched the little one, and to collect a couple more things. 

 

It'll still feel strange for a while. Hope we can feel more at ease when this is over. 

No kids and no divorce BUT i can vouch and say the passage of time certainly does ease the pain and emotions....but it does take a long time...

[New Landy new life]

We had a long chat Monday night eventually and I can see she got badly hurt along the way and really has made her mind up.  We agreed on what we were going to split as far as household contents, but when it came to discuss who was going to pay for what, it got a little heated as she wants me to maintain her old lifestlye because she earns so much less than me.

I reminded her about the many times I haf to use my life sacvings to clear the debt she had run up and the trips overseas with my son because of his sport while I never had those luxuaries and always stayed home grafting hard.

Anyway, I hope the mediator will be fair to us both, if not we are going to each have to lawyer up and that will drag on as we are both pretty broke.

Just wanted to vent a little - hope you guys don't mind.

[Slowbee]

Keep your head up Landy.

 

Admitting to the hurt she is feeling is your first step to you healing.

 

Much kudos to you for keeping your head held high, no matter how much hurt you are feeling. As many have said, try not to say to many things that you will regret later. Rather just come vent here - we dont mind

[Letum911]

We had a long chat Monday night eventually and I can see she got badly hurt along the way and really has made her mind up.  We agreed on what we were going to split as far as household contents, but when it came to discuss who was going to pay for what, it got a little heated as she wants me to maintain her old lifestlye because she earns so much less than me.

I reminded her about the many times I haf to use my life sacvings to clear the debt she had run up and the trips overseas with my son because of his sport while I never had those luxuaries and always stayed home grafting hard.

Anyway, I hope the mediator will be fair to us both, if not we are going to each have to lawyer up and that will drag on as we are both pretty broke.

Just wanted to vent a little - hope you guys don't mind.

 

Keep your head up Landy, and do not concede to something that will ruin you in the long run.

 

If things go into litigation, stay strong and be reasonable, to both yourself and her. If you can't afford something you can't. Easy as that.

[Tabula Rasa]

Keep strong buddy , things will get better eventually and keep Riding.

[VicanZA]

heads up guys!

 

dont let them know about you bitcoin holdings...

[Paddaman]

We had a long chat Monday night eventually and I can see she got badly hurt along the way and really has made her mind up.  We agreed on what we were going to split as far as household contents, but when it came to discuss who was going to pay for what, it got a little heated as she wants me to maintain her old lifestlye because she earns so much less than me.

I reminded her about the many times I haf to use my life sacvings to clear the debt she had run up and the trips overseas with my son because of his sport while I never had those luxuaries and always stayed home grafting hard.

Anyway, I hope the mediator will be fair to us both, if not we are going to each have to lawyer up and that will drag on as we are both pretty broke.

Just wanted to vent a little - hope you guys don't mind.

Totally unreasonable. For her to expect you to look after her lifestyle post divorce AND after she initiated the process is unfair in anyone's book.

However, it seems this may not be the first speed bump or pothole she has put on your road.  It looks like she is a serial spender, and maybe she has had enough of explaining/justifying her "sickness" ie living beyond your means, and is now looking for a legal and guilt free way to fleece you.

Maybe walking away (after giving her a lump sum of your pension and savings) may be the best financial decision you can make.

 

Best of luck.

[Kranswurm]

How on earth do you keep a divorce agreement without a lawyer? They are just so expensive. Even if you have a good settlement, if you can't afford a lawyer to enforce it what is it worth? Asking on behalf of a friend?

Any ideas on how to go about getting the other party to stick to it?

The courts

Its called a divorce agreement and is legally binding

Anything else is worthless