Advice on Divorce

[Kalahari Vegmot]

Letting them go to a better future is just about the most selfless thing you can do. They will realise that at some stage.

Uhm.....no.

[GrahamS2]

Uhm.....no.

Uhm, care to elaborate?

[Kalahari Vegmot]

Uhm, care to elaborate?

I don't think such a thing as a "better future" exists if the idea of "better" means living in a first-world country, but living without a dad. 

[GrahamS2]

I don't think such a thing as a "better future" exists if the idea of "better" means living in a first-world country, but living without a dad. 

Fair comment. But his kids will have far great opportunities in NZ, that much is certain. I guess a lot depends on how well his relationship as a father works at a distance.

[Guest]

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[Honkdonk]

Fair comment. But his kids will have far great opportunities in NZ, that much is certain. I guess a lot depends on how well his relationship as a father works at a distance.

Its a fair comment this. It will be put to the test for sure. But its up to me to make the best of a bad situation. 

The kids had their last visit with my folks yesterday. It was a hard goodbye for the grandparents. They go overseas this week and get back after the kids leave.

 

Emotionally it is very hard. My appetite has vanished along with any desire to get on my bike and ride. I have good folk around who support me and listen. I find the best way to deal with things is to talk about it and not keep things bottled up.

 

Its a new normal

[Bateleur1]

Its a fair comment this. It will be put to the test for sure. But its up to me to make the best of a bad situation. 

The kids had their last visit with my folks yesterday. It was a hard goodbye for the grandparents. They go overseas this week and get back after the kids leave.

 

Emotionally it is very hard. My appetite has vanished along with any desire to get on my bike and ride. I have good folk around who support me and listen. I find the best way to deal with things is to talk about it and not keep things bottled up.

 

Its a new normal

 

Strongs man.  This is a tough ride to say the least.  Can only imagine what you are going through.

[Stretch]

I don't think such a thing as a "better future" exists if the idea of "better" means living in a first-world country, but living without a dad.

I agree with this. And I don't mean to undermine honks decision because honk had thought long and hard about this. His kids have every opportunity in the world to provide themselves a "better future". They have access to a UK ancestral visa (honk has bp) and they have youth to get points for NZ/Aus.

 

People who say "I'm moving for my kids" are talking out of their assholes. We move for us... And opportunities for the kids are a by product. Anyone who says otherwise is just using the kids as an excuse to wanting to change their situation. There's nothing wrong with it.. Just don't lie. I moved for numero Uno... No one else... Sure the kids have access to more affordable university.. But like I said that's a by product

 

As I said before.. My belief is that regular access to a parent is way more beneficial than any first world opportunities. I've seen a former friend remove himself from his kids lives and the impact it had. My only advice to honk is that he doesn't get complacent and makes sure he constantly keeps in contact with his kids. And don't feel stupid phoning your kid/s every night on WhatsApp to say goodnight.. It just takes 30sec

[Squier]

Its a fair comment this. It will be put to the test for sure. But its up to me to make the best of a bad situation. 

The kids had their last visit with my folks yesterday. It was a hard goodbye for the grandparents. They go overseas this week and get back after the kids leave.

 

Emotionally it is very hard. My appetite has vanished along with any desire to get on my bike and ride. I have good folk around who support me and listen. I find the best way to deal with things is to talk about it and not keep things bottled up.

 

Its a new normal

Good luck man. I would not have been able to do what you're doing. May this play out in your favor in the long run.

[Mousea]

I agree with this. And I don't mean to undermine honks decision because honk had thought long and hard about this. His kids have every opportunity in the world to provide themselves a "better future". They have access to a UK ancestral visa (honk has bp) and they have youth to get points for NZ/Aus.

 

People who say "I'm moving for my kids" are talking out of their assholes. We move for us... And opportunities for the kids are a by product. Anyone who says otherwise is just using the kids as an excuse to wanting to change their situation. There's nothing wrong with it.. Just don't lie. I moved for numero Uno... No one else... Sure the kids have access to more affordable university.. But like I said that's a by product

 

As I said before.. My belief is that regular access to a parent is way more beneficial than any first world opportunities. I've seen a former friend remove himself from his kids lives and the impact it had. My only advice to honk is that he doesn't get complacent and makes sure he constantly keeps in contact with his kids. And don't feel stupid phoning your kid/s every night on WhatsApp to say goodnight.. It just takes 30sec

Well said Stretch

[Honkdonk]

T minus 16 days for when my kids leave for NZ..

I have had good days and boy, have I had bad ones...

She wants me to take them all to the airport on the 18th which I will do, and it will be very difficult, but I have to do it.

 

Once they are gone, then I will relook things - Do I need a 4 door car? No. Do I need a 2 bed apartment? No. Do I need to stay in Jhb or even SA? No.

But no rational or irrational decisions will be made until I am ready.

[BaGearA]

T minus 16 days for when my kids leave for NZ..

I have had good days and boy, have I had bad ones...

She wants me to take them all to the airport on the 18th which I will do, and it will be very difficult, but I have to do it.

 

Once they are gone, then I will relook things - Do I need a 4 door car? No. Do I need a 2 bed apartment? No. Do I need to stay in Jhb or even SA? No.

But no rational or irrational decisions will be made until I am ready.

Stongs dude , I can't imagjne what you're going through.

[Uni]

T minus 16 days for when my kids leave for NZ..

I have had good days and boy, have I had bad ones...

She wants me to take them all to the airport on the 18th which I will do, and it will be very difficult, but I have to do it.

 

Once they are gone, then I will relook things - Do I need a 4 door car? No. Do I need a 2 bed apartment? No. Do I need to stay in Jhb or even SA? No.

But no rational or irrational decisions will be made until I am ready.

Hey.. get a friend to go with you to the airport.... someone to rant or just drive... while you worry about you

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

T minus 16 days for when my kids leave for NZ..

I have had good days and boy, have I had bad ones...

She wants me to take them all to the airport on the 18th which I will do, and it will be very difficult, but I have to do it.

 

Once they are gone, then I will relook things - Do I need a 4 door car? No. Do I need a 2 bed apartment? No. Do I need to stay in Jhb or even SA? No.

But no rational or irrational decisions will be made until I am ready.

Sterkte, Honk. 

 

That last line, there. Stick to it!!! 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Hey.. get a friend to go with you to the airport.... someone to rant or just drive... while you worry about you

He's taking all of them, so I'd rather suggest meeting a friend straight after. This should, IMO, be just for them. Honk, kids and the ex. Just them. Don't need an outsider (as good a friend as they may be) along for the trip that he says farewell and gives all the hugs and kisses. 

 

After, definitely. But for the trip? Nah. 

Edited October 2, 2018 by Cptmayhem

[Uni]

He's taking all of them, so I'd rather suggest meeting a friend straight after. This should, IMO, be just for them. Honk, kids and the ex. Just them. Don't need an outsider (as good a friend as they may be) along for the trip that he says farewell and gives all the hugs and kisses. 

 

After, definitely. But for the trip? Nah.

 

I thought that would have been obvious..apparently not