Advice on Divorce

[Mudsimus]

Get a GF, asap. You wont even miss the ex or worry about legal crap.

[Patchelicious]

This thread shows me two things, one good one bad.

 

Bad: That the story of divorce deep into a marriage, seems all to likely.

 

Good: That for for those going through it, there seems to be much support. I mean if a bunch of strangers on a cycling forum can be so supportive of each other..... good on you!

[SURFER]

Thanks for the support.  Did a 50 km cycle in the wind before work this morning. Awesome. The Friday can only get better.

 

Question:  I already had the house when we got married.  The law say that she needs to get half of the worth of the house (today's value). I have no problem with that.  I would like to stay in house after paying half the money.  What if she also decide that she wants the house and not the money.

 

Who stays?

[SURFER]

One wonders if the level of trust ever gets back to the levels prior to that

Never

[SURFER]

Also sorry to hear Surfer - seems we have the same storey as to what went wrong, almost carbon copy on my side aswell and also suspect a boyfriend on the wifes side somewhere along the road and now again.

 

Shout if you ever feel like going for a MTB some time if you want a chat or just ride ?

Thanks.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Thanks for the support.  Did a 50 km cycle in the wind before work this morning. Awesome. The Friday can only get better.

 

Question:  I already had the house when we got married.  The law say that she needs to get half of the worth of the house (today's value). I have no problem with that.  I would like to stay in house after paying half the money.  What if she also decide that she wants the house and not the money.

 

Who stays?

slight correction here. Depends on how you're married (with accrual, iirc) but essentially she is entitled to half of the GAIN. Not half the value. Very big difference. 

 

Also - it's your house. In your name. She can't take it away from you, as she'd have to buy it from you. At least, that's my understanding. 

[Patchelicious]

slight correction here. Depends on how you're married (with accrual, iirc) but essentially she is entitled to half of the GAIN. Not half the value. Very big difference. 

 

Also - it's your house. In your name. She can't take it away from you, as she'd have to buy it from you. At least, that's my understanding. 

Think you are right. She can use all that money she got from you to pay the transfer duty.

[Pure Savage]

Wow, sorry to hear all the rough news at the end of the year. 

 

Hope you guys are pulling through!! 

 

With Myles D last year I had a deep think and reflection and have made some changes, funnily enough the Mrs also made some changes without saying anything to each other. Had our best family vac cay in ages.

 

Just want to say thanks for the advice given here. We may not have been near divorce but I think small things grow over time. (Thats what I tell myself )

[Paddaman]

Thanks for the support.  Did a 50 km cycle in the wind before work this morning. Awesome. The Friday can only get better.

 

Question:  I already had the house when we got married.  The law say that she needs to get half of the worth of the house (today's value). I have no problem with that.  I would like to stay in house after paying half the money.  What if she also decide that she wants the house and not the money.

 

Who stays?

This is where you get your accountant involved.  He will look at your marriage contract and do the bean counting.  You might find that you can give her the house in lieu of your pension contribution.

If it comes to a "fight" over the house then propose to have everything liquidated and each of you take the cash and part company.  Sometimes you can use her attachment to specific worldly goods (assets) to gain concessions on other things that mean more to you (such as the difference between pension contributions).  Also somehow providing her shelter in the settlement makes you look like the "man", when in fact everything should be squared off in "rands and cents" unemotionally.  At this stage emotions will cost you money.

I suppose my point is be rational, and unemotional.  If things get sentimental, do not shy away from protecting yourself and future worth, exploit it.  Remember you are now playing a defensive game, and everything should be quantified.

[Patchelicious]

Wow, sorry to hear all the rough news at the end of the year. 

 

Hope you guys are pulling through!! 

 

With Myles D last year I had a deep think and reflection and have made some changes, funnily enough the Mrs also made some changes without saying anything to each other. Had our best family vac cay in ages.

 

Just want to say thanks for the advice given here. We may not have been near divorce but I think small things grow over time. (Thats what I tell myself )

 

I must echo this gratitude. My wife and I both read this thread and used the advice given here to make some changes.

[Pure Savage]

I must echo this gratitude. My wife and I both read this thread and I used the advice given for her to make some changes.

The first time I read this I read it like this ^^^

[Pure Savage]

slight correction here. Depends on how you're married (with accrual, iirc) but essentially she is entitled to half of the GAIN. Not half the value. Very big difference. 

 

Also - it's your house. In your name. She can't take it away from you, as she'd have to buy it from you. At least, that's my understanding. 

What happens if you buy a whole bunch of untraceable bitcoin? 

[Bateleur1]

This thread shows me two things, one good one bad.

 

Bad: That the story of divorce deep into a marriage, seems all to likely.

 

Good: That for for those going through it, there seems to be much support. I mean if a bunch of strangers on a cycling forum can be so supportive of each other..... good on you!

 

Many make the mistake that the longer you are together the "easier" it gets. I know of many relationships going south after many years.  We had our 20th wedding anniversary and I honestly have to say that the last year and a bit has been the hardest time in my life (wrt to relationships).  It is not always due to your doing.  Life throws you or the other person with curveballs that you have no control over and you cannot control how your partner reacts to it.  You can try and support, give advice, etc, etc but not all is in your control.

[SURFER]

Think you are right. She can use all that money she got from you to pay the transfer duty.

 

Can it get to a point that the court needs to decide who stays in house and who gets the money?

 

My 1st choice is to stay

[Stretch]

Think you are right. She can use all that money she got from you to pay the transfer duty.

And half the value of the house... But also... He came into the marriage with the house too... So if it's accrual... Then that also gets complicated. Definitely lawyers required there

[Patchelicious]

Can it get to a point that the court needs to decide who stays in house and who gets the money?

 

My 1st choice is to stay

Can I ask why? Is it emotional/sentimental or a financial thing?

 

Reason why I ask is that if I was in your shoes, I would want to start fresh with as little around me to remind me of the past.