Advice on Divorce

[Plentipotential]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRcD31sA2a0

 

This "Life Stress Inventory" has a HUGE hole in it. At the top of the list should be The death of a child. How did this guy miss that? So much for experts!

[Patensie]

yeah, this is all too true. Starting to see it on my side as well, unfortunately. 

Ag no man. Sterkte daarmee.

[Red Robin]

I just don't get parents who use their children in a divorce as a means of striking back at their ex.

Even if your husband/wife shagged half the neighbourhood whilst you were married it doesn't mean that your child does not love them and they want to see them. The only person who ultimately suffers is the child.

I see this happening with friends of mine and she is making access very difficult cos he left her for another woman. I'm not debating the rights and wrongs or morals and ethics etc but the fact is her child wants to see his Dad and the Dad wants to see the child and she is wrong for making it so difficult. Obviously in cases of violence or an addiction etc. where the welfare of the child is a concern that is different.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

I just don't get parents who use their children in a divorce as a means of striking back at their ex.

Even if your husband/wife shagged half the neighbourhood whilst you were married it doesn't mean that your child does not love them and they want to see them. The only person who ultimately suffers is the child.

I see this happening with friends of mine and she is making access very difficult cos he left her for another woman. I'm not debating the rights and wrongs or morals and ethics etc but the fact is her child wants to see his Dad and the Dad wants to see the child and she is wrong for making it so difficult. Obviously in cases of violence or an addiction etc. where the welfare of the child is a concern that is different.

 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or something like that.

 

But yes, I agree....

[New Landy new life]

So far so good, it's so nice to have someone in my life again who I can care for and who cares for me. What a change from 1 year ago. Never imagined such a turn around. Fun easy times ahead.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

.

Edited February 12, 2019 by Captain Fatbastard Mayhem

[Andymann]

That would not be a given and would need to be in the family planning agreement.

I know you cannot refuse the biological father/mother visitation based on non payment of maintenance.

There is no obligation on the legal guardian to give grandparents visitation. That would be for the father/mother to arrange when they have the child for visitation.

Decency dictates though that if the grandparents were supporting the child, that the guardian would then allow them access.

Not much decency in the world these days and many times the kids are used as pawns in the fighting between the biologicals....,..

So how hectic is this - I'm buying some stuff at a deceased Estate auction and I noticed the guy I am dealing with (the Gent who died's son) had a #bringnikkimulderhome on his email signature.  So I spoke to him a bit last night - granted I only have his side of the story, but he says his partner (they weren't married) abducted their son and went back to Bulgaria.  He's been fighting for two years to have his son returned - he reckons he has spent 2 Million in court so far, and the next stop is the European Court of Human rights.  

 

https://www.facebook.com/Bring-Nikki-Mulder-home-942484232582926

 

He says his partner was a bit eccentric, but never showed any of this behavior when they were together.

 

Hell hath no fury they say.

[Stretch]

So how hectic is this - I'm buying some stuff at a deceased Estate auction and I noticed the guy I am dealing with (the Gent who died's son) had a #bringnikkimulderhome on his email signature. So I spoke to him a bit last night - granted I only have his side of the story, but he says his partner (they weren't married) abducted their son and went back to Bulgaria. He's been fighting for two years to have his son returned - he reckons he has spent 2 Million in court so far, and the next stop is the European Court of Human rights.

 

https://www.facebook.com/Bring-Nikki-Mulder-home-942484232582926

 

He says his partner was a bit eccentric, but never showed any of this behavior when they were together.

 

Hell hath no fury they say.

My uncles ex wife escaped criminal prosecution for something in south Africa by moving to the UK with their two children when they were about 9 and 11. He was not wealthy and couldn't afford to go see them. She fed garbage about him to them to the point that they never came to see him when they were adults. When he died the younger son (the older one died tragically in a cycling accident in London) didn't even bother to come to his funeral yet he willed his little bit of wealth be had left. He was a humble man and his ex wife is a POS. She has absolutely no remorse. Sad story really.

[Amberdrake]

Things change so quickly.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Things change so quickly.

 

Sounds ominous......

[Red Robin]

My uncles ex wife escaped criminal prosecution for something in south Africa by moving to the UK with their two children when they were about 9 and 11. He was not wealthy and couldn't afford to go see them. She fed garbage about him to them to the point that they never came to see him when they were adults. When he died the younger son (the older one died tragically in a cycling accident in London) didn't even bother to come to his funeral yet he willed his little bit of wealth be had left. He was a humble man and his ex wife is a POS. She has absolutely no remorse. Sad story really.

That is so sad. Like I said in a previous post, I just don't get it.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Things change so quickly.

Talk, dude... let it out. I find it helps IMMENSELY

[Amberdrake]

Look she been hostile all along, Lawyer advised me to take full weekend with kid.

Ex had stipulated she wanted her home at night every night (i did not agree).

Got a lawyer letter via my lawyer about how irresponsible and impulsive this was.

I shrugged it off tbh, she hadn't even bothered to call me when I sent her whatsapp i'm taking daughter to visit grandparents.

She lies and tries to set traps, where she will get me to do something "incriminating" as in to indicate I am bad father etc.

Anyways my daugther smiled and had fun this past weekend. We posted Multiple photos on groups and she saw she was safe and never once asked re her health.

Yet the letter stated she was concerned for child's safety etc.

I look back and I wonder where is the woman I once loved?

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Short answer - you are now the enemy, and anything they can do to reduce you in their and their friends' eyes, as well as the eyes of your children, they will do. Emotional instability and the need to find a scapegoat / villain in the whole thing, when you / I just want to move on and be done with it. 

 

Unfortunately I find this to be the case quite often, and luckily, the last one hasn't yet happened to me, and I think I have a good enough relationship with my little one to prevent it from having an effect on things. 

 

But - she is vicious. Toxic. Even more now than when we were together. Or perhaps it's always been this way, and I never noticed. 

Edited February 14, 2019 by Captain Fatbastard Mayhem

[Hairy]

I surely have no right to put my hand up here .... but.

 

Play the game, know and accept you are playing the game (so that you do not get "so upset" by her actions) and be the good father, keep an active journal of this as you are doing via social media platforms, should you advise your daughter in anyway to respect her mother, do her homework, etc, then if there is a way to record that you are trying to impact her life in a positive and nurturing manner, then keep this record safe.

 

What I am saying is, build your case.

 

You may hopefully never need to prove yourself to be a "responsible parent", but if you do then you have something to fall back onto.

 

At times when she tries to entrap you, or get you into an argument (especially via a written platform such as email or whatsapp), keep your cool and do your best to come out as the reasonable partner.

 

Play the game, and play to win.

 

Look she been hostile all along, Lawyer advised me to take full weekend with kid.

Ex had stipulated she wanted her home at night every night (i did not agree).

Got a lawyer letter via my lawyer about how irresponsible and impulsive this was.

I shrugged it off tbh, she hadn't even bothered to call me when I sent her whatsapp i'm taking daughter to visit grandparents.

She lies and tries to set traps, where she will get me to do something "incriminating" as in to indicate I am bad father etc.

Anyways my daugther smiled and had fun this past weekend. We posted Multiple photos on groups and she saw she was safe and never once asked re her health.

Yet the letter stated she was concerned for child's safety etc.

I look back and I wonder where is the woman I once loved?

[Amberdrake]

I surely have no right to put my hand up here .... but.

 

Play the game, know and accept you are playing the game (so that you do not get "so upset" by her actions) and be the good father, keep an active journal of this as you are doing via social media platforms, should you advise your daughter in anyway to respect her mother, do her homework, etc, then if there is a way to record that you are trying to impact her life in a positive and nurturing manner, then keep this record safe.

 

What I am saying is, build your case.

 

You may hopefully never need to prove yourself to be a "responsible parent", but if you do then you have something to fall back onto.

 

At times when she tries to entrap you, or get you into an argument (especially via a written platform such as email or whatsapp), keep your cool and do your best to come out as the reasonable partner.

 

Play the game, and play to win.

Sorry 

My post doesn't show it but I do exactly that. I refuse to argue, I turn and walk away.

I spend time with my daughter as I can as much as I can. All of the time I take pictures for the family and friends and post it on groups. 

I have no need to prove anything as I spent 2 weeks watching her alone during dec.

I do my best and this fight is about the health of my child and that's what makes it hard, I can see the change in daughter from with me and grandfather VS what we see when she just came from home(ex staying there alone atm with her).