Advice on Divorce

[Patensie]

But, in truth, we don’t yet know whether we are dealing with the division of an accrual, or a marriage in community, or whether the donation was pre or post nuptial. So we cant answer the question. But get your law school notes out in case I ever need more help [emoji23]

Agreed. I was really hesitant to give any answer to this question as we lack all the detail. GrassMuncher's buddy should get an attorney.

[Grass Muncher]

Was the 1/3 portion a gift from his father? If I remember correctly, the Huweliksgoedere Act specifically exclude gifts from accrual.

 

(Sorry, I studied family law in Afrikaans way back in 1996 and is too lazy to google the proper name of the act. I argued this on stuff I got from my parents: they were gifts to me and the (h)eks may not share therein. My attorney went with it and the ex's attorney didn't put up a fight.)

I don't have a lot of detail unfortunately.

The son never paid his father for the 1/3 of the lodge.There are 3 sons and each son got 1/3.

I know that the dad is skelm and played bankrupt and had to turn the lodges name over to the 3 sons to avoid losing the lodge.

 

The son did get the 1/3 while he was still married if that means anything.

 

When the dad gave the lodge to the sons he put it into a 'CC'

(I don't know what that means)

[Grass Muncher]

Grass munchers buddy's attorney is **** and can't give him the answers he needs and can't even get a court date. He is trying to get a new one.

[Amberdrake]

Lawyers and courts are a mess atm.

Courts do what they like and lawyers don't know x from z atm.

Restraining order was granted the other day yay me, now if ex does certain things and I have proof, Ill be able to have her arrested. In said situation she would possibly loose her job(she might just with restraining order), in such a event I get to potentially pay her maintenance in addition to kid maintenance.

 

Life seems just about 20% #$#$^, at this moment. Mentally I have Psychologist, he is impressed at the amount of stable I am mentally. I have been struggling to focus on work, Very very very badly struggling.

 

I have managed to somehow damage my left leg, I get insane pain in some positions, fortunately physio has given me some exercises and its improving and much less problematic, however its put huge strain on my getting back to proper training. I can only ride trainer seriously atm, I am not allowed to walk/jog till both legs even again, and then I have been instructed to do walk/run at that point. Ill also be allowed off my cycle trainer then. I can tell you this first time in my life doing silly little leg moves hurts like someone stabbed me, worst part is that its getting better and the pain is from the leg being used.

 

Anyways im just ranting to the group a bit, Grass Muncher your friends lawyer might be bad or courts just issue. It's a mess out there atm it seems.

 

Good news friend got to have his kids over this weekend and he hasn't seen them for longest time(lockdown frontline worker with bad ex). This situation was getting towards forcing seeing kids and that was very emotionally draining on me as I had been here and didn't want him there.

Hoping we all have better mental states and can give good feedback in future.

 

Also shout out to the Captain Fastbastard Mayhem really helped me out and is a great guy all round!

[Slowbee]

Glad you are ok Amber !

 

Pleased that someone was able to help you.

[Patensie]

My ex moved out today. The kids will rotate weekly (starting here by me) and we need to make this work in their best interest. Its going to be interesting juggling work, a grade 2 and grade R until the schools open by hopefully September 2042. 

 

The first day went OK.

[Amberdrake]

My ex moved out today. The kids will rotate weekly (starting here by me) and we need to make this work in their best interest. Its going to be interesting juggling work, a grade 2 and grade R until the schools open by hopefully September 2042. 

 

The first day went OK.

This sounds like an epic day! at same time I can already immagine the pain this change will bring for me on this day. So be strong we are all here with you and it will get better. Friend has this thing she keeps saying "Just keep swimming" (yes its from finding nemo). It helps tomorrow is a new day keep going and life changes and sometimes its for better and some worse.

[Gen]

My ex moved out today. The kids will rotate weekly (starting here by me) and we need to make this work in their best interest. Its going to be interesting juggling work, a grade 2 and grade R until the schools open by hopefully September 2042.

 

The first day went OK.

Chin up and take it one day at a time

 

It is possible to work together for the kids.. my son's one friend's parents are divorced. They work so well together for their kids I didn't even know they were divorced until about 2 years into the boy's friendship.

[Patensie]

Chin up and take it one day at a time

 

It is possible to work together for the kids.. my son's one friend's parents are divorced. They work so well together for their kids I didn't even know they were divorced until about 2 years into the boy's friendship.

Thanks for all the hub-support!

 

In that sense the lock-down and having to live together after the divorce was settled help. All of a sudden there was nothing to "fight" for and to prove to the other. All focus moved towards the kids. Hopefully we can keep this up.

 

The kids recon its boring at my place compared to their mom's new place... that will too wear off :-)  

[Gen]

Thanks for all the hub-support!

 

In that sense the lock-down and having to live together after the divorce was settled help. All of a sudden there was nothing to "fight" for and to prove to the other. All focus moved towards the kids. Hopefully we can keep this up.

 

The kids recon its boring at my place compared to their mom's new place... that will too wear off :-)

Aaah yeah it's only because it is new.. the first time they get sent to their rooms it will suck.[emoji6] Edited May 19, 2020 by Gen

[New Landy new life]

Chin up guys - it only get's better.

 

Look at my post #1 compared to how I am doing now - chalk and cheese thanks to all the well wishes and advise from all the great people on here including Captain.

 

Moved on, moved up and healed up well.  kid's still love spending time with me and their mom.

 

I just avoid the Ex and that seems to have worked - kids are both adults which helps so I don't have to contact her for anything, just pay the maintenance even though my salary is cut into pieces.

 

Good luck you guys. 

[EddieV]

Seems Stats SA have taken a month's breather. Our maintenance increase is a function of the CPI, and mine is done using April's annual figures. I'll have to use March's CPI for now?

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

My ex moved out today. The kids will rotate weekly (starting here by me) and we need to make this work in their best interest. Its going to be interesting juggling work, a grade 2 and grade R until the schools open by hopefully September 2042. 

 

The first day went OK.

 

Hi, can't imagine what you are going through.

 

Just my 2 cents on your agreement, my sister is also divorces and has a similar agreement with her ex. 1 week with her and 1 week with him. It was done for financial reasons as no money is then needed to be paid either way, expenses for school, etc split 50/50. Sounds great.

It is very disruptive, the kids struggle to find routine because of the differing environments. They will need stability, rules and routines need to be the same on both sides.

This led to many fights between her and the ex, and ultimately they ended up agreeing that she be the primary caregiver with visitations every 2nd weekend for him with split holidays.

 

I think what I am trying to say is keep an eye on the little ones.

Good luck

[Honkdonk]

Advice needed please

 

My ex and the kids are in NZ and my youngest is going to therapy for a matter that does concern me. The ex wont allow me to contribute or give input towards the background etc. Am I allowed to contact the therapist to give my view so that they are able to obtain a fully objective opinion and dish out therapy as required accordingly?

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Advice needed please

 

My ex and the kids are in NZ and my youngest is going to therapy for a matter that does concern me. The ex wont allow me to contribute or give input towards the background etc. Am I allowed to contact the therapist to give my view so that they are able to obtain a fully objective opinion and dish out therapy as required accordingly?

yes, contact the therapist. I did when my lightie was going to play therapy, and it was critical to the psych's uinderstanding of his situation. 

[Amberdrake]

Hi, can't imagine what you are going through.

 

Just my 2 cents on your agreement, my sister is also divorces and has a similar agreement with her ex. 1 week with her and 1 week with him. It was done for financial reasons as no money is then needed to be paid either way, expenses for school, etc split 50/50. Sounds great.

It is very disruptive, the kids struggle to find routine because of the differing environments. They will need stability, rules and routines need to be the same on both sides.

This led to many fights between her and the ex, and ultimately they ended up agreeing that she be the primary caregiver with visitations every 2nd weekend for him with split holidays.

 

I think what I am trying to say is keep an eye on the little ones.

Good luck

The thing is there usually something else going on that causes this. Our social worker runs a workshop that encourages shared time. It's not always best but most of time kids adapt.