Advice on Divorce

[Gen]

The thing is there usually something else going on that causes this. Our social worker runs a workshop that encourages shared time. It's not always best but most of time kids adapt.

Suppose this would also come down to consistent parenting and the environment of each household?

[Slowbee]

Amber, forgot to say thank you for the PM.

 

It has just been chaotic, but thank you !!

[Patensie]

The thing is there usually something else going on that causes this. Our social worker runs a workshop that encourages shared time. It's not always best but most of time kids adapt.

my shrink and the kids' play therapist both recommended this arrangement, with some advice on how to make it work. The kids will go through some turmoil until they adjust to the new normal, whatever that may be. They will also adjust to dad's house and mom's house. We try to not let them have to pack suitcases every week. There is a level of consistency, but also differences.

[Honkdonk]

yes, contact the therapist. I did when my lightie was going to play therapy, and it was critical to the psych's uinderstanding of his situation. 

Thanks CFM.

My ex will hit the roof if I do that, but I only think it is fair, and I need to, so that the therapist understands my side of the situation.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Thanks CFM.

My ex will hit the roof if I do that, but I only think it is fair, and I need to, so that the therapist understands my side of the situation.

Your ex may hit the roof, but the psych will understand how critical both parents' input is to the wellbeing of the child, especially post divorce. And remember, it's not "your side of the situation" at all. It's additional context on your child's character and your parental obligation.

 

You also don't need to tell the ex you're contacting the psych. 

[Honkdonk]

Your ex may hit the roof, but the psych will understand how critical both parents' input is to the wellbeing of the child, especially post divorce. And remember, it's not "your side of the situation" at all. It's additional context on your child's character and your parental obligation.

 

You also don't need to tell the ex you're contacting the psych. 

True story, and I'm footing half the bill for it as well.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

The thing is there usually something else going on that causes this. Our social worker runs a workshop that encourages shared time. It's not always best but most of time kids adapt.

 

I think the problem comes when the 2 environments differ massively.

If in one place rules are in place, set bedtime, eating at a table with proper table manners etc, but in the other place there are no rules, eat where you want, sleep when you want, etc.

 

Kids do adapt, I agree but their foundations need to be solid.

[Amberdrake]

I think the problem comes when the 2 environments differ massively.

If in one place rules are in place, set bedtime, eating at a table with proper table manners etc, but in the other place there are no rules, eat where you want, sleep when you want, etc.

 

Kids do adapt, I agree but their foundations need to be solid.

100% Agreed, the example you give is called bad parenting and this falls under my disclosure of something else is going on. 

 

I am not yet divorced, I have a restraining order on ex from entering my room. We have been forced to spend last 2 months in same house raising 2year old. Ex has 2 night shifts and she is done for week. I work 5 days day time, since I cant leave house the well balanced system has been @#%*(#%. Daughter is starting to show signs of it but ex makes sure to be in common area where all toys are 100% of the time.She also makes sure to intrude often. Im sure once we out and it's only about daughter things will settle but for now its all #$%^#&%. 

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

100% Agreed, the example you give is called bad parenting and this falls under my disclosure of something else is going on. 

 

I am not yet divorced, I have a restraining order on ex from entering my room. We have been forced to spend last 2 months in same house raising 2year old. Ex has 2 night shifts and she is done for week. I work 5 days day time, since I cant leave house the well balanced system has been @#%*(#%. Daughter is starting to show signs of it but ex makes sure to be in common area where all toys are 100% of the time.She also makes sure to intrude often. Im sure once we out and it's only about daughter things will settle but for now its all #$%^#&%. 

 

Thats a terrible situation!!!!

Unfortunately bad parenting is real. My sisters ex would purposely not enforce rules because he is then the cool dad, do what you want, etc. When the kids would get back to her they would unruly and resent her for enforcing the rules.

Best of luck, hopefully it will all be a distant memory someday......

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Thats a terrible situation!!!!

Unfortunately bad parenting is real. My sisters ex would purposely not enforce rules because he is then the cool dad, do what you want, etc. When the kids would get back to her they would unruly and resent her for enforcing the rules.

Best of luck, hopefully it will all be a distant memory someday......

Ha! The funny thing is that you can still be a cool dad WHILE enforcing rules and guidelines. 

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Ha! The funny thing is that you can still be a cool dad WHILE enforcing rules and guidelines. 

 

Exactly!!!

I think divorces bring out the worst in people......

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Exactly!!!

I think divorces bring out the worst in people......

I think divorce without any introspection brings out the worst in people... 

 

In my case, it took the worst thing out of my life.

[Grass Muncher]

The advocate told my friend to write up everything he has and take photos of all the belongings. He couldn't help notice that literally everything he has was given to him by his dad or sister.

Even the cooking pots was a gift he got for his 21st

Does he get to keep the pots and stuff that counts as an inheritance.

[Amberdrake]

Depends on how he was married, in/out community of property with/without accrual.

 

In end unless he really really values something, its not worth the fight.

 

Id have settled long ago if she wanted stuff, she wants my paycheck (50% of my income via various demands).

[EddieV]

Depends on how he was married, in/out community of property with/without accrual.

 

In end unless he really really values something, its not worth the fight.

 

Id have settled long ago if she wanted stuff, she wants my paycheck (50% of my income via various demands).

 

Agree completely. Our divorce started off amicably, but after one round of the lawyers it turned ugly. Next moment a movers truck showed up and took the entire contents of the house.

 

Like James: Lyrics from "The Waterfall":

"There's so much stuff in my life, No room for me to grow

One day I'm going to break from my life, Due south down to Mexico, I'm going to burn down my house, It's the only way to let it go"

 

This was the 2nd best thing  to burning the house down.

 

I went out and bought a new bed, a plate, knife, fork, cup, spoon and kettle. Was the best time ever. 

No stuffs. Wish it stayed that way    

 

 

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Edited June 5, 2020 by EddieV

[Shebeen]

100% Agreed, the example you give is called bad parenting and this falls under my disclosure of something else is going on. 

 

I am not yet divorced, I have a restraining order on ex from entering my room. We have been forced to spend last 2 months in same house raising 2year old. Ex has 2 night shifts and she is done for week. I work 5 days day time, since I cant leave house the well balanced system has been @#%*(#%. Daughter is starting to show signs of it but ex makes sure to be in common area where all toys are 100% of the time.She also makes sure to intrude often. Im sure once we out and it's only about daughter things will settle but for now its all #$%^#&%.

 

Sjoe, this sounds like hell. Things can surely only get better from here on