Advice on Divorce

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Hang in there, Landy! It gets easier, I promise. Besides, an empty house lets you just chill and relax, and concentrate on YOU. 

 

Also - don't discount the help of a counsellor / psych. Even though you say you're mentally strong, it bloody well helps. I've only ever seen one twice. Once when I was 'jacked and taken for a 2 hour joyride with a 9mm to my head, and then last year when my dad & this thing came to the fore. I'm pretty level headed and logical, but having someone who is VERY experienced in this sort of thing to bounce things off just helped me order my thoughts faster than I'd have been able to by myself. 

 

Friends help, strangers can help even more. Especially when they see it every day. 

[GrumpyOldGuy]

Hang in there, Landy! It gets easier, I promise. Besides, an empty house lets you just chill and relax, and concentrate on YOU. 

 

Also - don't discount the help of a counsellor / psych. Even though you say you're mentally strong, it bloody well helps. I've only ever seen one twice. Once when I was 'jacked and taken for a 2 hour joyride with a 9mm to my head, and then last year when my dad & this thing came to the fore. I'm pretty level headed and logical, but having someone who is VERY experienced in this sort of thing to bounce things off just helped me order my thoughts faster than I'd have been able to by myself. 

 

Friends help, strangers can help even more. Especially when they see it every day. 

I would echo Myles comments Landy, you may be mentally strong but there's a lot to put to bed in your mind, and you can only deal with things once you have them ordered, then your mind can deal with it, lock it up, and put it away, if you dont do this your mind will come back again and again and rehash everything over and over until you settle it in your head, and that's just a road to torment and heartache. 

 

If you are concerned about costs then inquire at your medical aid, most will pay for some professional counselling, but if not, then inquire about a counselor at your parish church, almost all parishes will have someone, the pain and anguish of divorce, death, addictions are not new to them, its what they deal with in the community daily, and they WILL help you,... consider it at least.

 

I still remember you in my prayers.  

Edited February 12, 2018 by GrumpyOldGuy

[New Landy new life]

Wow that got ugly. Now everybody in the house are mad as snakes that I dare suggest that the deposit is her problem.

 

Talk about a backfire

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Wow that got ugly. Now everybody in the house are mad as snakes that I dare suggest that the deposit is her problem.

 

Talk about a backfire

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Ja bro. Insert money into a problem and it's all bets off

 

People go loopy.

[Slowbee]

Wow that got ugly. Now everybody in the house are mad as snakes that I dare suggest that the deposit is her problem.

 

Talk about a backfire

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

No backfire at all ! At least you know where she stands. You asked a reasonable question (hopefully in a reasonable way). And now you know, she is worried about the money.

 

Now you know where you stand and what she expects. She wants you to pay for everything. She wants her comforts and wants her lifestyle and the lot and you must pay. When you next meet the mediator, you need to bring this up.

 

Chin up, and see this as a good thing.

[GrahamS2]

Wow that got ugly. Now everybody in the house are mad as snakes that I dare suggest that the deposit is her problem.

 

Talk about a backfire

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

I'd take a slightly harder approach with her. She wanted the divorce, she has made the poor financial decisions, and she must come up with the deposit. I know it's tough, but don't make her problems yours. This will set a bad precedent for any future financial issues she has (and I'm pretty certain there will be more).

[New Landy new life]

I'd take a slightly harder approach with her. She wanted the divorce, she has made the poor financial decisions, and she must come up with the deposit. I know it's tough, but don't make her problems yours. This will set a bad precedent for any future financial issues she has (and I'm pretty certain there will be more).

Yes. I told her that she asked to leave so she should have made a financial plan for her future and not merely assume I would step in and bail her out. I said those days are finished and I will not be going into overdraft for her ever again. She said she left on weekends to go to stay at a "friend" who works at some game farm near Langebaan so she does not have to look at my sad face all weekend. That comment really stung.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Gen]

Yes. I told her that she asked to leave so she should have made a financial plan for her future and not merely assume I would step in and bail her out. I said those days are finished and I will not be going into overdraft for her ever again. She said she left on weekends to go to stay at a "friend" who works at some game farm near Langebaan so she does not have to look at my sad face all weekend. That comment really stung.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

She can always make her visit away permanent. [emoji12]

 

Aaah sorry it's nasty.. there is already a lot of hurt going around.. comments like those are really not necessary..

 

Would she rather live in comfort than see her child's studies paid?

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[Thor Buttox]

Yes. I told her that she asked to leave so she should have made a financial plan for her future and not merely assume I would step in and bail her out. I said those days are finished and I will not be going into overdraft for her ever again. She said she left on weekends to go to stay at a "friend" who works at some game farm near Langebaan so she does not have to look at my sad face all weekend. That comment really stung.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

The advice here is really sound Landy. As soon as you can, as hard as it is, realise that she seems to have left you a long time ago just without telling you, the sooner you will be able to deal with the financial situation in a calm, unemotional way. And that unfortunately means treating her as an adult with adult responsibilities and obligations. Edited February 13, 2018 by Thor Buttox

[Rata-tat-tat]

Yes. I told her that she asked to leave so she should have made a financial plan for her future and not merely assume I would step in and bail her out. I said those days are finished and I will not be going into overdraft for her ever again. She said she left on weekends to go to stay at a "friend" who works at some game farm near Langebaan so she does not have to look at my sad face all weekend. That comment really stung.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

I can't give you wise advise, but don't let that last comment affect you, that's just like her opinion, man.

 

Hurt people, hurt people.

[New Landy new life]

I can't give you wise advise, but don't let that last comment affect you, that's just like her opinion, man.

 

Hurt people, hurt people.

It still does hurt as I know when she leaves I am going to be totally alone. She has a much larger circle of friends to lean on.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Gen]

It still does hurt as I know when she leaves I am going to be totally alone. She has a much larger circle of friends to lean on.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

You have the whole Bikehub [emoji6][emoji6]

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[Sepia]

I think Gen is on the nail with this, certainly coming from a woman's perspective. (should read 'Lady')

Like your direct responses Gen.  I am sure you are helping more than what you realise.

Good on you!

Edited February 13, 2018 by Sepia

[Amberdrake]

It still does hurt as I know when she leaves I am going to be totally alone. She has a much larger circle of friends to lean on.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

That's not always true, those bigger circle of friends rarely want to get involved. They less likely to stick around when things get tough.

The close long term friends are the ones you can count on to take you through the tough and be there with a beer on the other side.

 

Don't think you will always be lonely either things change constantly, there will always be opportunity for someone new.

 

Word of warning the wife might lean on kids when things go financially bad, either reducing their quality of life or forcing you to step in again.

[Bateleur1]

Wow that got ugly. Now everybody in the house are mad as snakes that I dare suggest that the deposit is her problem.

 

Talk about a backfire

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

Well if memory serve me right, she was the one that decided to leave.  It was not your choice.  That would be the starting point of my argument.

[Mudsimus]

She obviously knows/thinks that you still care, and therefore you will help her out. Time to set her straight and tell her you don’t feel anything anymore. It seems that its way past rescuing, so trying to be the nice guy is only making you look weak in her eyes.