Advice on Divorce

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

My invite has gotten lost in the mail....

They haven't gone out yet. ????

[NotSoBigBen]

What is the effect of 'polyamory' on the children in the marriage or is it done 'on the sly'?

 

Sent from my HUAWEI VNS-L31 using Tapatalk

[Thor Buttox]

What is the effect of 'polyamory' on the children in the marriage or is it done 'on the sly'?

 

Sent from my HUAWEI VNS-L31 using Tapatalk

I couldn't do it myself but I reckon if everyone is totally open it has more chance of not ending in a disaster. I am sure many here would confirm that it s not the actual cheating that gets you but the lying and dishonesty that follows cos that takes away the power for the 'innocent' party to decide.

 

And 'on the sly' is just 'honestly' rearranged. Maybe that's a sign...

[HDW]

having one sexual partner for 20 30 40 50+ years of your life is actually ridiculous.

 

Very true. It is not for everyone, obviously, but if it can work for you, why not? Everyone's sexuality is different, and if you can have sex with random women, not build up an emotional connection, and still love your wife and have a happy home I honestly can not see a problem with that.

 

A colleague told me a while back that she has a lady friend who is married to an openly gay husband. They even have kids together. He gets to do his thing, she doesn't have to put out for him (don't think she really likes sex, I guess?), but they have a happy family and everyone feels safe and loved. My point is, there is no "one size fits all".

 

The question though - will you be ok with your wife/girlfriend boning 4 or 5 other guys on a regular basis?

[Bateleur1]

After the last couple of posts I am wondering when JZ and Steve Hofmeyer is going to join the discussion ...  

[Stretch]

 

 

".

 

The question though - will you be ok with your wife/girlfriend boning 4 or 5 other guys on a regular basis?

I can't think of any situation where someone would be having sex with that many partners regularly unless you were swingers or something.. But that's a whole new level to the marriage dynamic [emoji23]

 

This thread has certainly taken a turn.. Perhaps it needs to get back on track [emoji16]

[Simon123]

As much as I imagine a life filled with great sex with multiple women appeals, rather just marry the right one with the right drive for you.  Sure, it may change over years, but it's a two way street.

 

I have friends who tried swinging.  One of the strongest relationships I ever saw, and really great together.  Apparently they wanted to spice things up.  He reckons he could handle her knobbing other guys (  ) but she went mental afterwards asking him a million questions about him with other ladies.  Eventually accusing him of doing it behind her back, and they are now divorced.

[HDW]

but she went mental afterwards asking him a million questions about him with other ladies.  Eventually accusing him of doing it behind her back, and they are now divorced.

 

Seems like she was never ready for the experience to begin with.

[Stretch]

 

 

One of the strongest relationships I ever saw, and really great together..

Remember also that you can paint the exterior of the house... Bit leave the inside a real mess

[Neil Neil Neil]

Yup... The youth of today approach things a lot differently. We have gone through a period in Society where infidelity was a thing that just happened in the 50s and 60s and despite everyone knowing it was brushed under the carpet.. Not ideal... Then we had the 70s.. Where everyone went overboard.. Then through the modern era where polygamy became taboo. There is now a pull towards open polygamy with things like open relationships coming to the fore.. Especially with the younger generation. Sex is sex.. We still haven't worked out how to balance a relationship and sex.. But let's face it... With the few exceptions the concept of having one sexual partner for 20 30 40 50+ years of your life is actually ridiculous.

Sexual prohibition in a way. Follow the prescribed norm or suffer as an outcast. Man I'm glad the world has moved forward. Now for a little more prohibition to end.

[HDW]

I can't think of any situation where someone would be having sex with that many partners regularly unless you were swingers or something.. But that's a whole new level to the marriage dynamic [emoji23]

 

This thread has certainly taken a turn.. Perhaps it needs to get back on track [emoji16]

 

You don't know one or two of the girls I used to date... My man.

Edited May 9, 2018 by HDW

[stefmeister]

Polyamory - now there's a thing and a odd one at that, a conundrum really. As in one respect I could totally see myself getting cozy by the fireplace and having deep and meaningful conversations followed by long walks somewhere concluded with a meal, wine and explosive sex with the woman of my dreams.. I guess that's the romantic in me coming out. However at the same time a life of revolving short term (or long term for that matter) partners also seems to be attractive which is the the male primitive alternative.

Over the years as we, as a human race, have progressed (ya, whatever) and it's become accepted, or forced,  that we settle down and stick with one partner, but I bet you there are a lot of us out there who are very from the notion of settle down and be in a monogamous relationship and the chances are that is why we are in the situation we are in that has resulted in this thread..

Ah, and there lies the cause of it all. Settling down; It's just an euphemism for "I've either become too comfortable in this relationship, or fear of ending up alone one day." Comfortable in settling for the wrong woman, while you could've done better, but going out and finding that person was too much effort at the time, and while all your mates abandoned you (by getting married) on your conquests, the pressure to follow suit and fear of ending up alone one day was probably too much.

That's why you see men get fat and useless after 30, and then when divorce day comes, it's new hair cuts, and back to the gym, and if the divorce settlement wasn't too rough on the finances, a new fancy car. Men are only to blame for themselves for this monogamous con. 

[Stretch]

Ah, and there lies the cause of it all. Settling down; It's just an euphemism for "I've either become too comfortable in this relationship, or fear of ending up alone one day." Comfortable in settling for the wrong woman, while you could've done better, but going out and finding that person was too much effort at the time, and while all your mates abandoned you (by getting married) on your conquests, the pressure to follow suit and fear of ending up alone one day was probably too much.

That's why you see men get fat and useless after 30, and then when divorce day comes, it's new hair cuts, and back to the gym, and if the divorce settlement wasn't too rough on the finances, a new fancy car. Men are only to blame for themselves for this monogamous con.

That's the biggest load of bollocks I've now read on the hub

 

Edit... Incorrect adjective used

Edited May 9, 2018 by Stretch

[Fruity]

We are all damaged goods.

 

Secondly, I am quite happy in my marriage an have no desire to enter into any other poly kinda arrangement. Mebbe old school that way but damn it one woman is already one too many. How the hell can one ou keep multiple women happy.

Same here, and I also don't believe in polygamy, one woman is enough.

I'll look at another woman (as I'm sure most heterosexual people look at the opposite sex) but I won't touch.

[New Landy new life]

I believe that God chooses the partner for us and it is up to us both to keep the marriage together through sacrifice and doing our part without expecting anything in return. If you do this there is a good chance of success. As it says, husbands love your wives unconditionally and wives respect and honour your husband unconditionally. (Know I will get flamed for that one)

[Zatopek]

Ah, and there lies the cause of it all. Settling down; It's just an euphemism for "I've either become too comfortable in this relationship, or fear of ending up alone one day." Comfortable in settling for the wrong woman, while you could've done better, but going out and finding that person was too much effort at the time, and while all your mates abandoned you (by getting married) on your conquests, the pressure to follow suit and fear of ending up alone one day was probably too much.

That's why you see men get fat and useless after 30, and then when divorce day comes, it's new hair cuts, and back to the gym, and if the divorce settlement wasn't too rough on the finances, a new fancy car. Men are only to blame for themselves for this monogamous con. 

 

The situation(s) in & emotion(s) during each divorce is fairly unique. My experience of it is that: the last thing to compare it to is something found in a Sewende Laan script.