Advice on Divorce

[New Landy new life]

pic's of the girlfriend or else we can't believe this story 

I don't think she would give me permission to splash her picture on the net, but you can trust me - you guys have known me long enough     - she is a decent lady, looks don't mean that much in my book, but she definitely isn't lacking

[Stretch]

Ok chaps..I know it's banter... But we're preceriously close to creepy territory here...[emoji16]

[Hairy]

Ok chaps..I know it's banter... But we're preceriously close to creepy territory here...[emoji16]

[HDW]

I don't think she would give me permission to splash her picture on the net, but you can trust me - you guys have known me long enough     - she is a decent lady, looks don't mean that much in my book, but she definitely isn't lacking

 

Let us be the judge of that.

[New Landy new life]

Let us be the judge of that.

Still no chance   

 

 

Edited March 4, 2019 by New Landy - new life

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

It looks like all the married men are living vicariously through the recently single guys on here.....

[HDW]

It looks like all the married men are living vicariously through the recently single guys on here.....

 

My one mate is divorced, and all of us are living our newly found tinder lives through him and his dates. It really is a different setup than when I used to date back in the day.

[New Landy new life]

I found it very difficult in the beginning to read the signs of whether a girl just wanted to be friend material or more - being so long out of the game it was confusing as hell and I got burned early on. Then I decided to go out with a few different girls just for company and that was far easier and less complicated until eventually the right one just came along and I could tell that she was more than just a mate.

 

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

[Honkdonk]

Its been a while since I posted here, but I am glad to see the thread is alive and well.

 

Things have moved on, its a new year and raw emotions and wounds have healed (to an extent)

On the kids front - they have settled in. I am figuring out the best time when I can go over to visit them. I still get a unnecessary amount of crap from the ex. Unfortunately its the kids that suffer in this. She doesn't learn.. I have seen it now through mates eyes, and also those around me who are going through the same thing.

 

For those out there who are going through it in one way or another. Be strong and keep focused. It may seem like a long journey with many bumps and hurdles - Truth be told, IT IS! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

Now, moving on..

The dating game I don't play. I just go out for drinks with people and things just seem to happen. All i can say is that there is a LOT of unhappily married folk (women) out there. If you think you are happy and all is good, be warned... The surface is covered in oil therefore you cant really see what is going on below..

 

Maybe it's the company I keep, I dunno..

But I have heard some horror stories, and I pity the partner who is back at home.

[Red Robin]

My one mate is divorced, and all of us are living our newly found tinder lives through him and his dates. It really is a different setup than when I used to date back in the day.

I have to agree. I have a single friend who has just joined Tinder. She was showing me some of it. Totally different.

[Stretch]

 

 

.

 

Now, moving on..

The dating game I don't play. I just go out for drinks with people and things just seem to happen. All i can say is that there is a LOT of unhappily married folk (women) out there. If you think you are happy and all is good, be warned... The surface is covered in oil therefore you cant really see what is going on below..

 

.

Refer back to the discussion we had about all this earlier in in the thread.....

[Honkdonk]

For sure..

 

Leaves me thinking a lot about the integrity and honesty of people..

[New Landy new life]

So I got an sms again from the ex today saying she is coming to fetch all her remaining items that she left at my house including all the pictures on the wall, the silver knives and forks, the fancy crockery I use for guests and the dining room table and chairs.

 

I had hoped she had forgotten about all that stuff as I still use/need them.

 

Another blow to my future bank balance.

 

Oh holes !

[Hairy]

just braai and eat off the grid

So I got an sms again from the ex today saying she is coming to fetch all her remaining items that she left at my house including all the pictures on the wall, the silver knives and forks, the fancy crockery I use for guests and the dining room table and chairs.

 

I had hoped she had forgotten about all that stuff as I still use/need them.

 

Another blow to my future bank balance.

 

Oh holes !

[gemmerbal]

As a divorcee of getting on 6 years (6 December 2013), I have been following this thread with one eye for a while now.

 

My story goes as follows: divorced at 34 after 3 years of married life, we never had kids, only pets (some will understand why this is mentioned). I can honestly say we just didn't work, we share equal blame for that, but me probably a bit more in that I ignored the signs, but even that is up for debate. No third parties were involved, that is a fact. As far as divorces go, we had a clean and swift one. She has moved on, started a new family. I bump into her every now and again and things are quite amicable. It's a bit like running into your best friend and then suddenly realizing that it isn't so anymore. It's weird... However I hold no grudge towards her, never have, and I've never allowed anyone of my friends or family to criticize or be rude towards her in my presence.

 

I spent the first 6 months crying, and the next 6 months in a bottle. When I got married I never ever thought I'd end up like my parents. I was devastated.

 

Anyways, eventually you try dating, and lord almighty did I have my share of crazies. I went the Tinder route, Badoo, etc etc (be warned, they are ALL crazy, think about that Crazy-vs-Hot-scale video on youtube, that guy knows his stuff!) Narcissistic women are the most dangerous thing on this planet because they use sex as a weapon. And we are men, therefore we are soft (hard?) targets. I nearly burned my fingers badly, twice. Yes initially its fun dating a seemingly nymphomaniac chick, but that is all part of a beautifully sick masterplan to rid you of all your self-respect and emasculate you to the point where you end up sitting down to take a piss. Another 2 years hiding the hurt and shame and the dark thoughts and pretending to be ok. I battled on.

 

Getting divorced hurts. Really. And things are never the same again because you now carry a status in society that is frowned upon. It sucks balls but dont ever make excuses for it. No one has walked in your shoes. Being divorced is not as bad as staying unhappily married.

 

I have friends/family who have had ugly divorces. I am so glad I dont fall in that category because some of the stories are really the stuff of nightmares. Much like what some of you guys have or still are experiencing. I feel for you guys, I really do. More-so when there are kids involved.

 

But time is a wonderful thing. When i finally reached the point of inner peace by realizing that I am in life where I actually always wanted to be, I smiled. And I am still smiling. I have my house. I have my dogs. Thats all I ever really wanted. Life is good now.

 

Being single is peaceful. No need to explain your actions or lack thereof. You cycle when you want to. You go away on cycling road trips whenever you feel like it. You sleep in on the weekend when you feel like it. You leave the toilet seat up because you can.

 

Loneliness? Nah, I have my fur kids. I have my friends and family. I have my hobbies. I have my career.

 

Dating? Unless I meet someone who shares some of my passion for being outdoors cycling/ playing sports, Im not in the least bit interested. My friends and family have eventually realized that I am happy with that, although some never quite understand, but they accept it now.

 

I wish all you Hubbers going through the pain described in the posts on this thread all the very best. Keep pushing, find your own happy place, and dont get stuck with the mindset of what-if.

 

Much love and respect.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

As a divorcee of getting on 6 years (6 December 2013), I have been following this thread with one eye for a while now.

 

My story goes as follows: divorced at 34 after 3 years of married life, we never had kids, only pets (some will understand why this is mentioned). I can honestly say we just didn't work, we share equal blame for that, but me probably a bit more in that I ignored the signs, but even that is up for debate. No third parties were involved, that is a fact. As far as divorces go, we had a clean and swift one. She has moved on, started a new family. I bump into her every now and again and things are quite amicable. It's a bit like running into your best friend and then suddenly realizing that it isn't so anymore. It's weird... However I hold no grudge towards her, never have, and I've never allowed anyone of my friends or family to criticize or be rude towards her in my presence.

 

I spent the first 6 months crying, and the next 6 months in a bottle. When I got married I never ever thought I'd end up like my parents. I was devastated.

 

Anyways, eventually you try dating, and lord almighty did I have my share of crazies. I went the Tinder route, Badoo, etc etc (be warned, they are ALL crazy, think about that Crazy-vs-Hot-scale video on youtube, that guy knows his stuff!) Narcissistic women are the most dangerous thing on this planet because they use sex as a weapon. And we are men, therefore we are soft (hard?) targets. I nearly burned my fingers badly, twice. Yes initially its fun dating a seemingly nymphomaniac chick, but that is all part of a beautifully sick masterplan to rid you of all your self-respect and emasculate you to the point where you end up sitting down to take a piss. Another 2 years hiding the hurt and shame and the dark thoughts and pretending to be ok. I battled on.

 

Getting divorced hurts. Really. And things are never the same again because you now carry a status in society that is frowned upon. It sucks balls but dont ever make excuses for it. No one has walked in your shoes. Being divorced is not as bad as staying unhappily married.

 

I have friends/family who have had ugly divorces. I am so glad I dont fall in that category because some of the stories are really the stuff of nightmares. Much like what some of you guys have or still are experiencing. I feel for you guys, I really do. More-so when there are kids involved.

 

But time is a wonderful thing. When i finally reached the point of inner peace by realizing that I am in life where I actually always wanted to be, I smiled. And I am still smiling. I have my house. I have my dogs. Thats all I ever really wanted. Life is good now.

 

Being single is peaceful. No need to explain your actions or lack thereof. You cycle when you want to. You go away on cycling road trips whenever you feel like it. You sleep in on the weekend when you feel like it. You leave the toilet seat up because you can.

 

Loneliness? Nah, I have my fur kids. I have my friends and family. I have my hobbies. I have my career.

 

Dating? Unless I meet someone who shares some of my passion for being outdoors cycling/ playing sports, Im not in the least bit interested. My friends and family have eventually realized that I am happy with that, although some never quite understand, but they accept it now.

 

I wish all you Hubbers going through the pain described in the posts on this thread all the very best. Keep pushing, find your own happy place, and dont get stuck with the mindset of what-if.

 

Much love and respect.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Great read, thanks for sharing.

 

The best advice in that whole post is the part where you say staying unhappily married is worse than getting divorced. I 1100% agree. Life is too short.........