Advice on Divorce

[Johan_Kleynhans]

I have never been divorced but had a few near misses. Also inspite of what I said in my post1212 I want to say the following based on counseling which I received.

 

Divorce must be the absolute last choice. Try everything else before that as divorce in 99% of cases are nasty. Resolving the issues could be better in most instances.

 

The children suffer the most. Statistics also show that there is a big chance that children of divorced parents will also divorce one day.

 

Inspite of what leads to the divorce most people has some baggage which leads to certain behaviours. This contributes to the problem which eventually leads to the decision to get divorced. If the party/parties dont deal with this baggage they just take it to their next relationship.

 

During my own near misses I also had to critically look at myself and had to be brutally honest with myself, made some changes to how I did things and worked hard at the relationship.

 

One of my big deciders was the following and this I must admit influenced my decision greatly. My children. I love them too much to be without them. People say women loves the children more than a man. Dont know about that.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Divorse is just too easy these days

 

 

In some (most?) cases, I'll agree with you. But in others it's just simply a case of the only way to remain true to yourself and your child/children. A child in a divorced family yet happy environment, or whose one parent is happy and can teach them how to live their best life would be far better off than in an unhappy marriage. And in my case, when I was congratulated by my psych after I'd initiated proceedings, it was the only option, given what had come before.

 

If the transgression or disagreement is reconcilable, and there is a way to, then work at it. In my case it was just too many things, two of which I could never overlook without contradicting my most central standards.

Edited January 14, 2019 by Captain Fatbastard Mayhem

[Johan_Kleynhans]

Agreed.

 

In some instances it is better for the kids. Abusive relationships as an example.

 

Always a very tough situation with very tough decisions.

 

Why I said what I said is because the father to a very large degree forms the character (lol I hope I spelled it correctly) of the child and in the case of a girl her father becomes the yardstick with which she measures men. For a boy the way his father treat the woman around him will be the example in the way he will treat woman.

 

Therefore together or divorced the father plays a huge roll in his kids life. That is if he wants to.

[Thor Buttox]

Agreed.

 

In some instances it is better for the kids. Abusive relationships as an example.

 

Always a very tough situation with very tough decisions.

 

Why I said what I said is because the father to a very large degree forms the character (lol I hope I spelled it correctly) of the child and in the case of a girl her father becomes the yardstick with which she measures men. For a boy the way his father treat the woman around him will be the example in the way he will treat woman.

 

Therefore together or divorced the father plays a huge roll in his kids life. That is if he wants to.

The reason I try to be good is because I do things to not be like my dad. I am.extremely glad my Mom divorced my dad. Only as a man could I begin to see his side of the story a tiny bit, but his behaviour when I was a child was totally unacceptable. Sometimes a divorce is not even about the two individuals and their behaviour but about the behaviour of relatives and others in the orbit of the marriage. As I have said previously, often it is hanging on too long where the real psychological damage is done.

[Uni]

Even though she says she is not angry and has forgiven me, her actions speak otherwise.

We all know us women don't mean what we say . How you holding up?

[Uni]

often it is hanging on too long where the real psychological damage is done.

Exactly this... i agree that divorce shouldn't be a cop out, but it's also not this evil deed with a stigma attached. If it's broken, there's no point trying to keep glueing it back together, rather just close the book and start another.

[New Landy new life]

Exactly this... i agree that divorce shouldn't be a cop out, but it's also not this evil deed with a stigma attached. If it's broken, there's no point trying to keep glueing it back together, rather just close the book and start another.

Sigzaktly. Brilliant post.

[Zatopek]

Divorse is just too easy these days

It was the single most difficult emotional decision/time in my life.

[New Landy new life]

So finally have someone really special in my life again, things are looking up.

[Amberdrake]

Great News Landy!

[Uni]

So finally have someone really special in my life again, things are looking up.

Yay... have fun with this new chapter

[Red Robin]

So finally have someone really special in my life again, things are looking up.

Great news!

[Amberdrake]

I have been following this thread since start, It encouraged me to work on my relationship when it started. 

 

Unfortunately the results were not all that excellent.

 

Long story short things gone from bad to worse and I decided to end it, wife did not take it very well and I am staying with family.

 

Fortunately I get to see daughter regularly ATM and should continue that way.

 

My friends and family have been INSANE amount of support.

 

Saturday was worst day of my life in every way possible.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Kaak dude, so sorry to hear that. ☹️ Sterkte. Don't be shy to post here and ask for advice / info etc. You and your kid are the most important things. Remember that.

Edited January 24, 2019 by Captain Fatbastard Mayhem

[Amberdrake]

Thanks fortunately the IRL side has things covered mostly. It is disturbing how the smallest thing will set you off into a depressed/upset state tho. 

Want to get back on bike next week think it will help, this weekend I get Daughter so gonna spend all time I can with her.

[New Landy new life]

Going to take quite some time to get used to all the mood swings.

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