Advice on Divorce

[GrahamS2]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

There's the problem. What you think is reasonable and what the court calculated may be very  different things. Personally, I think it's a battle best avoided. Something like this should be agreed upfront, before the holiday starts.  

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

short answer - the court doesn't care what the expenses were. You don't have primary custody of your lightie, so your expenses simply don't matter when it comes to calculating maintenance. 

[CogitoErgoSum]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

Apart from me being with you on this, the courts will disagree with you. If possible, just repay the drama queen. Then again, why is she throwing a tantrum? Is she actually using the monies towards your laaitie, or is she using it for something else (which she couldn't do anymore as you cut her....)

[New Landy new life]

Thanks chaps. Maybe I was wrong, but the holiday cost me a small fortune but worth the time and memory with my son so I will take advice and just pay up. As you were [emoji3]

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Thanks chaps. Maybe I was wrong, but the holiday cost me a small fortune but worth the time and memory with my son so I will take advice and just pay up. As you were [emoji3]

yeah, any personal expenses / holiday expenses are solely for your account, as they would be if she took him on holiday. Imagine if she all of a sudden requested more maintenance so she could take him somewhere? Same thing, just reversed. 

[Skubarra]

Apart from me being with you on this, the courts will disagree with you. If possible, just repay the drama queen. Then again, why is she throwing a tantrum? Is she actually using the monies towards your laaitie, or is she using it for something else (which she couldn't do anymore as you cut her....)

 

January, start of a new school year, not exactly the easiest month of the year financially for most parents. Can see why she would throw a hissy fit if this came unexpected. Like Graham said, would have been better if this was discussed/agreed upon before the holiday.

[The Bull Shark]

I believe she is not using all of those moneys for the children, which is probably why she went into a meltdown. But unfortunately the law don't care about how she is using the alimony.

 

Best is to see the money you spent as an investment. 

[New Landy new life]

I see my Ex is with a new wealthy guy so I don't think she needs the money. She had the cheek to make me drop my son at his house on Sunday when I got back from Botswana which really hurt me real bad, and ended the high of my holiday with my son.

[Johan_Kleynhans]

Why does it make you feel bad?

 

Money is not everything and should not determine your level of happiness.

 

Sorry but just a thought.

[New Landy new life]

Ii was just so sad knowing the love of my life is shacked up with another man

 

The size of the house or wealth was not the issue.

Edited January 8, 2019 by New Landy - new life

[Gen]

I was just so sad knowing the love of my life is shacked up with another man

The reality of things hey..sorry to hear about the sucker punch.. But it does however sound like you and your son had a great time and started bonding really well..that is the most important relationship atm.

[New Landy new life]

Thanks, yes that is good. Should enjoy that at least.

[Gen]

Thanks, yes that is good. Should enjoy that at least.

You should take it as a step in the right direction, as I recall your relationship with your son wasn't what you woul've liked it to be a while ago (pls correct me if I am wrong..I may have my wires crossed.. and if I do ..sorry about that)

[New Landy new life]

Yes, it did get better over our trip together.

[Johan_Kleynhans]

Cannot change the past but you can change the future.

 

From my own experience after my serious break up ( not a divorce but we were together for a few years) I felt exactly what you desribed here.

 

Now years after the breakup and getting a lot wiser I finally understood that what I went through then was feeling rejected.

 

Now also looking back I realized that the relationship would have never worked and I am actually glad that we separated. I learned through this process to be able to handle the "feeling rejected"

 

Not saying it is the case with you but it was the case with me. I was ok after we separated but when I saw her with her new guy it hit me like a hammer. I was also single at the time which made the rejection worse.

[Thor Buttox]

Cannot change the past but you can change the future.

 

From my own experience after my serious break up ( not a divorce but we were together for a few years) I felt exactly what you desribed here.

 

Now years after the breakup and getting a lot wiser I finally understood that what I went through then was feeling rejected.

 

Now also looking back I realized that the relationship would have never worked and I am actually glad that we separated. I learned through this process to be able to handle the "feeling rejected"

 

Not saying it is the case with you but it was the case with me. I was ok after we separated but when I saw her with her new guy it hit me like a hammer. I was also single at the time which made the rejection worse.

There is a valid psychological cause of this called loss aversion.

 

It causes us to stick in negative situations for far longer than is necessary and then to dwell on it for longer than is necessary.

 

If you can change your mindset to 'how many amazing opportunities am I NOT taking because I am dwelling on the one I did' and/or 'how good was it really if I/he/she left?' it tends to temper the negatives.