Advice on Divorce

[Letum911]

It's passe but happy wife certainly does equal happy life. Some while ago I realised something, my happiness doesn't matter at all, especially since we had our two boys; for a time I had laboured under the illusion that somehow, I deserved getting my way etc. Then I realised, nah, wait a minute, who cares if you don't like your job or if you feel like you need more time or some of this or that, or because you're the earner, you don't have to do a fair share of the 'child rearing'. Nobody, that's who, and whatever position you've put yourself in, it was you what done it. So I shifted my attitude to focus instead on my wife's happiness, taking more of the kids stuff off her hands (I am more or less sole breadwinner at the moment) like getting them ready for school in the morning, making brekkie, occasionally making dinner, etc. And also working hard to give the Mrs more 'her' time, like to go exercise or whatever. And going out for a meal or pub crawl and stuff like that, just the two of us.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that because I decided to forego my own happiness to focus on addressing my Mrs' needs and her happiness...well, I don't have to worry about my own happiness, because now she takes care of that with her whole heart. Maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. And there is often a wee bit of truth in the glib aphorisms we (wryly) use every day.

Best of luck, BTW. Hectic what you're going through. And thanks for posting about it, truly helps maintain perspective for some of the other folk here, me included.

 

Thanx for this^^^!!

 

Will be taking it up as a new years challenge. 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

It's passe but happy wife certainly does equal happy life. Some while ago I realised something, my happiness doesn't matter at all, especially since we had our two boys; for a time I had laboured under the illusion that somehow, I deserved getting my way etc. Then I realised, nah, wait a minute, who cares if you don't like your job or if you feel like you need more time or some of this or that, or because you're the earner, you don't have to do a fair share of the 'child rearing'. Nobody, that's who, and whatever position you've put yourself in, it was you what done it. So I shifted my attitude to focus instead on my wife's happiness, taking more of the kids stuff off her hands (I am more or less sole breadwinner at the moment) like getting them ready for school in the morning, making brekkie, occasionally making dinner, etc. And also working hard to give the Mrs more 'her' time, like to go exercise or whatever. And going out for a meal or pub crawl and stuff like that, just the two of us.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that because I decided to forego my own happiness to focus on addressing my Mrs' needs and her happiness...well, I don't have to worry about my own happiness, because now she takes care of that with her whole heart. Maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. And there is often a wee bit of truth in the glib aphorisms we (wryly) use every day.

Best of luck, BTW. Hectic what you're going through. And thanks for posting about it, truly helps maintain perspective for some of the other folk here, me included.

well said, Intern. 

 

I think I thought I was doing that, or at least trying to. But now, I'm not so sure. She sure as hell wasn't...

 

Either way, it's over now. And while that makes me sad, it also makes me happy. I can now put energy into things that reap rewards and give back. 

[Duane_Bosch]

 

Edit:  Case in point is below mush I just made and have to force myself to eat as it's vegetable matter.

Good LORD!!

 

When I was on my own my staple diet was those pre cooked chickens from the Spar. That and a green salad. Easy and doesn't eat into your fun time.

 

We also had a gas braai that was pretty much our stove. Click Click Woof. And you are cooking.

[Gen]

There is no rule book that will guarantee a happily ever after..

 

What there is is common ground and some sacrifice..but not too much and be careful of sacrificing your own happiness or who you are for someone else..in the end of the day you can be Mr perfect but you can not force someone to truly be happy that is up to them.

 

 

On a personal note.. in December we were married for 17 years and celebrated our 20th year together as a couple (of which 19yrs and 6 months we have been sharing the same living space [emoji6])..and I told hubby..you know what I still like you, love is something that is always there..but I still like him[emoji23]..he is still the first person I want to phone when something happens be it something good, bad, sad or even funny. It hasn't always been smooth sailing we were so young when we started dating but we always manage to find each other during tough times.

 

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Edited January 9, 2018 by Gen

[Bateleur1]

There is no rule book that will guarantee a happily ever after..

 

What there is is common ground and some sacrifice..but not too much and be careful of sacrificing your own happiness or who you are for someone else..in the end of the day you can be Mr perfect but you can not force someone to truly be happy that is up to them.

 

 

On a personal note.. in December we were married for 17 years and celebrated our 20th year together as a couple (of which 19yrs and 6 months we have been sharing the same living space [emoji6])..and I told hubby..you know what I still like you, love is something that is always there..but I still like him[emoji23]..he is still the first person I want to phone when something happens be it something good, bad, sad or even funny. It hasn't always been smooth sailing we were so young when we started dating but we always manage to find each other during tough times.

 

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The bold part. +1000000

[Rachmaninoff]

It's passe but happy wife certainly does equal happy life. Some while ago I realised something, my happiness doesn't matter at all, especially since we had our two boys; for a time I had laboured under the illusion that somehow, I deserved getting my way etc. Then I realised, nah, wait a minute, who cares if you don't like your job or if you feel like you need more time or some of this or that, or because you're the earner, you don't have to do a fair share of the 'child rearing'. Nobody, that's who, and whatever position you've put yourself in, it was you what done it. So I shifted my attitude to focus instead on my wife's happiness, taking more of the kids stuff off her hands (I am more or less sole breadwinner at the moment) like getting them ready for school in the morning, making brekkie, occasionally making dinner, etc. And also working hard to give the Mrs more 'her' time, like to go exercise or whatever. And going out for a meal or pub crawl and stuff like that, just the two of us.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that because I decided to forego my own happiness to focus on addressing my Mrs' needs and her happiness...well, I don't have to worry about my own happiness, because now she takes care of that with her whole heart. Maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. And there is often a wee bit of truth in the glib aphorisms we (wryly) use every day.

Best of luck, BTW. Hectic what you're going through. And thanks for posting about it, truly helps maintain perspective for some of the other folk here, me included.

Very well said, me thinks!

[The expat cyclist]

Marriage is a strange thing.

My folks got divorced from each other. Twice.

My sister got divorced after 22 years of marriage and three kids. (I really disliked my brother in law from day one, what an ass!)

My cousins got divorced...

Friends....plenty.

 

And then you have my inlaws. Been happily married for 45 years.

[Gen]

Marriage is a strange thing.

My folks got divorced from each other. Twice.

My sister got divorced after 22 years of marriage and three kids. (I really disliked my brother in law from day one, what an ass!)

My cousins got divorced...

Friends....plenty.

 

And then you have my inlaws. Been happily married for 45 years.

And then you get people that stay together but really shouldn't

 

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[Stretch]

About the cooking.. Embrace it..I would love the opportunity to learn to cook... Put some tunes on.. Download an app.. And learn... Start easy with spag bog, soups and stews etc... Before trying something elaborate

 

If all else fails.. Find the local lady who makes home cooked meals and subscribe to her

[eddy]

About the cooking.. Embrace it..I would love the opportunity to learn to cook... Put some tunes on.. Download an app.. And learn... Start easy with spag bog, soups and stews etc... Before trying something elaborate

 

 

When I got divorced my daughters were 4 and 6 years old and spent every weekend with me. What else was there to do with them but to watch BBC food  on a Friday, shop for ingredients and cook on a Saturday.

 

The upshot  was all three of us learnt to cook, eventually quite properly. I still do and when they got to University they were the only ones of the friends who knew their way around a kitchen. Cooking is an easy skill to pick up but one that always is worth having.

 

 

 

If all else fails.. Find the local lady who makes home cooked meals and subscribe to marry her

 

 

Fixed

[Paddaman]

About the cooking.. Embrace it..I would love the opportunity to learn to cook... Put some tunes on.. Download an app.. And learn... Start easy with spag bog, soups and stews etc... Before trying something elaborate

 

If all else fails.. Find the local lady who makes home cooked meals and subscribe to her

Time to start a cooking foir singles thread.

 

Actually Jamie Oliver's Naked Chef books are a good place to start to learn how to make some pucker tucker.......

[Patchelicious]

Time to start a cooking foir singles thread.

 

Actually Jamie Oliver's Naked Chef books are a good place to start to learn how to make some pucker tucker.......

He is newly single, maybe he would prefer Nigella's books.

[Letum911]

Time to start a cooking foir singles thread.

 

 

 

Damn good idea!!!

 

Here's something for OP to consider:

https://www.primaverakitchen.com/asparagus-stuffed-chicken-breast/

[eddy]

He is newly single, maybe he would prefer Nigella's books.

 

 

You need to update your spellchecker....  

[Mojoman]

I was lucky, my ex couldn't cook very well and I have cheffing experience so that was no problem! 

As has already been mentioned, cooking enough for one or three portions generally involves the same amount of work, so cook extra and then freeze it so when you don't feel like cooking there is bolognaise or curry or stew or whatever ready for you in the freezer....

 

Cooking is actually fun once you master the basics, buy some decent pots and knives and get to know your stove...

AND to be honest quite a few girls I know can't even fry an egg without messing it up so some culinary skills could help woo someone in the future!!

(And if it does, the rule is whoever cooks, they don't have to do the dishes!!)

Edited January 9, 2018 by Mojoman

[The expat cyclist]

And then you get people that stay together but really shouldn't

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True that.

Which is another thing: what makes people chose one another... Even when they shouldn't?

I must just thank my mom for the times where she warned me against some of the girls I was with. Sheeez.