Advice on Divorce

[DJR]

You heartless bastardo... He's just got that over that relationship with the off road tin can.. And then you have to bring it up again... Just face the facts.. He's moved on to his trusty Toyota

Sorry, I'm a very bad giver of advice   The right old Cruiser bakkie will also work.

[Hackster]

Condolences dude. I was in your position this time four years ago.

 

Rode the CTCT route alone on Christmas day which turned out to be a blessing.

 

Best bit of advice I got was, no-one wins a divorce.

 

One day at a time.

[HeyYou]

You heartless bastardo... He's just got that over that relationship with the off road tin can.. And then you have to bring it up again... Just face the facts.. He's moved on to his trusty Toyota

 

Nissan man myself!

 

But a good piece of advice, even if given tongue in cheek. 

Any old tin can will do.

Often a great stress reliever; time away in my camper, with camera and bike. I know I'm on my own and some folks look at me strangely, but it lowers my heart rate, clears the arteries and gives me stuff to think about.

[eddy]

I know people here generally give serious advice, but I have no experience that could help.......except that I'm a Landy addict.

 

I would say that another Landy and the places it can take you to, the things it can let you experience, the change of scenery it can bring, perhaps the time spent fixing it, can be as good a bit of therapy as anything.

 

And I have an old 110 not far away from you that you are welcome to borrow if you need to.

 

That old v8 drinks like a bergie with a Barclaycard but as long as you promise to bring it back in one piece, that is all you need to worry about.

Edited December 31, 2017 by eddy

[Stretch]

Nissan man myself!

 

But a good piece of advice, even if given tongue in cheek.

Any old tin can will do.

Often a great stress reliever; time away in my camper, with camera and bike. I know I'm on my own and some folks look at me strangely, but it lowers my heart rate, clears the arteries and gives me stuff to think about.

Of course..I couldn't agree more... My response was very much tongue in cheek too.

[New Landy new life]

Started off with a series III (1973)  which was great - learned everything mechanical on it - rebuilt motor myself and we had many good memories in that for a number of years.  Eventually sold it as I had no more time for it.

 

Also had the 2008 Defender Puma 2.4 - that was a brilliant motor but I also had to sell that for financial reasons after 4 years.

 

I will always be a landy man, once bitten you never go back - have a Toyota bakkie for work and I hate this thing - suspension is so hard and the thing has no character.

 

This divorce is going to cost me a lot so no Landy on the horizon for now

[Patchelicious]

And I have an old 110 not far away from you that you are welcome to borrow if you need to.

 

That old v8 drinks like a bergie with a Barclaycard but as long as you promise to bring it back in one piece, that is all you need to worry about.

Old man had a 110 V8 a little while ago, pretty sure it’s was late 70s, had two tanks. Combined 150l would get you from CPT to Swellendan and back. 4km per L, and that’s on the free way.....

[New Landy new life]

And I have an old 110 not far away from you that you are welcome to borrow if you need to.

 

That old v8 drinks like a bergie with a Barclaycard but as long as you promise to bring it back in one piece, that is all you need to worry about.

Was that tongue in cheek or genuine offer ?

 

If it is that is really cool of you - may take you up on that one day when I start coming back to life again.

[Patchelicious]

Was that tongue in cheek or genuine offer ?

 

If it is that is really cool of you - may take you up on that one day when I start coming back to life again.

Eddy is a stand up guy, he means what he says!

[eddy]

Was that tongue in cheek or genuine offer ?

 

If it is that is really cool of you - may take you up on that one day when I start coming back to life again.

Genuine.

[stefmeister]

Yes, good advice - door locked shut and welded closed for good measure and will not be opened again.

My advice on break ups in general;

Leave with your dignity and your balls. If she still wanted to be with you she would have been there, trying to work things out. You have to put yourself in her shoes now and realise that you might have had your last chance to save your relationship quite a while ago. For her to give you another chance now all the sudden after you probably had many already would be naive.

 

And even if you got another chance, ask yourself are you really willing to change and for how long? When the other person is not happy with something about you and expect you to change it (whether a serious flaw or irrational from their expectations) you will always re-enter that relationship on their terms - and that's also not a healthy and can lead to resentment.

 

Going through a breakup can make any stable person turn into the most erratic and emotionally charged individual. Like others have said already, cut off all communication and you won't have to sit back one day and be embarrassed about what you said in your time of desperation. "Desperacy" is a stinking cologne to wear. And whatever you do now will probably just push her further away.

 

Good luck mate.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[IceCreamMan]

Ultimately , you have to look yourself in the mirror and marriage is a big thing hey so regarding the last chance, if you can look in the mirror and believe you tried everything to make it work, then so be it, ce la vie and move on with a clean conscience. If however, you believe you owe it to yourself to make another call then do it. No one can or should prescribe to you what you need to do.

 

Here's a tip I was given a long long time ago, use, don't use, that's life. Go buy your wife's favourite pizza, then deliver it to the door. When she answers the door give it to her and walk away, if she calls you back try and work it out, if she does not call you or throws it at you, well then move on.

 

Divorce is hugely stressful, when my divorce went through the high court it was like a weight was removed off my shoulders however I still wondered what if, don't what if.

 

And there is life post divorce, in my case I remarried a wonderful lass, had another kid at 44 years old and life is way better than it was even though I never saw myself having another kid etc.

 

Good luck

 

Edit: sorry, just to add, if there is someone new in her life move on immediately and keep your head high.

Edited January 1, 2018 by IceCreamMan

[New Landy new life]

I did not loose my dignity in the process yet, I just calmly asked for a reconsideration and have not asked since.

 

Now we are only talking about alternate accomodatiion at the moment as she is luckily still up country and out of site and out of mind.

[SURFER]

I got the same news on 29 Dec 2017. Got back home from hiking Table 

Mountain and she was gone. She moved out after 29 years of marriage.  She made a appointment to see a lawyer on 24 Jan 2018.  She has no  assists on her  name, although working her whole life.  Only me. Got the pension fund, Savings and house.  Need to give her half of all my stuff.

 

bad 

[Stretch]

Sheet guys... What's in the water down there in the cape?

 

Surfer... Have your kids recently left the house as this is often a major cause of divorce after so my years of marriage. Your life is so centered around your kids that when they leave you realise you don't know each other

 

Edit- really sorry to hear this news

Edited January 4, 2018 by Stretch

[Slowbee]

That sucks surfer. Sorry to hear.

 

Any reasons given as to the sudden desire to move on ?