Advice on Divorce

[Patensie]

Had an awesome weekend with the kids. There were a few emotional moments,but met some really good people. No one got eaten by lions, although a muskeljaatkat visited our site.

[Kranswurm]

Had an awesome weekend with the kids. There were a few emotional moments,but met some really good people. No one got eaten by lions, although a muskeljaatkat visited our site.

What a name for a Genet

[Patensie]

What a name for a Genet

wondered what the brits for that was!

[New Landy new life]

Similar to the iron-pig

[Amberdrake]

I had Bubbles (Daughter) this weekend (days, long story) we visited with my friend and his kids, she had a blast all smiles and happiness, she went home exhausted daily. 

The wife has also calmed down and things look like it might move in a more friendly if unhappy manner.

 

Don't get me wrong Saturday I had a extremely hard night after some hurtful things she said. But i eat the humble pie and just try to keep things going forward. Bubbles must come first

Edited January 28, 2019 by Amberdrake

[Paul Ruinaard]

I have been following this thread since start, It encouraged me to work on my relationship when it started. 

 

Unfortunately the results were not all that excellent.

 

Long story short things gone from bad to worse and I decided to end it, wife did not take it very well and I am staying with family.

 

Fortunately I get to see daughter regularly ATM and should continue that way.

 

My friends and family have been INSANE amount of support.

 

Saturday was worst day of my life in every way possible.

Never good to hear this.

 

Maybe you were already in a bad place and the thread helped you to make some choices that were going to happen anyway. Longer term you probably could be in a better place in a couple of months from now. Be prepared for some bumps and bruises and go back to the start of this string and re-read the posts that you identified with - likely there's some good advice in there somewhere that you can use.

 

You're Not the first - you won't be the last. It hurts like hell at the start but it will get better over time...

[New Landy new life]

Another question I have regarding maintenance for one's child.

 

If circumstances have changed considerably in regard to one's spouses salary used in the calculation of the % of who pays for what as well as the child now being 18 and earning a salary.

 

How do you go about re-negotiating the payment terms that are in the court papers if it was done through a mediator. 

 

P.S:  The payment term was set up to expire when he reaches 21

Edited January 29, 2019 by New Landy - new life

[Kranswurm]

Another question I have regarding maintenance for one's child.

 

If circumstances have changed considerably in regard to one's spouses salary used in the calculation of the % of who pays for what as well as the child now being 18 and earning a salary.

 

How do you go about re-negotiating the payment terms that are in the court papers if it was done through a mediator. 

 

P.S:  The payment term was set up to expire when he reaches 21

I am sure the agreement makes provision to allow for escalation to take care of increases in cost as well as your financial situation improving

[New Landy new life]

It only specifies an annual increase but no mention about financial position change affecting the agreed amount

[Kranswurm]

It only specifies an annual increase but no mention about financial position change affecting the agreed amount

That annual increase includes change in financial position.

Speak to your lawyer

It does sound like you are trying to lessen your contribution at every opportunity.The inks barely dry.

[Skubarra]

It only specifies an annual increase but no mention about financial position change affecting the agreed amount

 

You really need an actual lawyer to answer this but what I recall from friends of mine that divorced is that you can approach one of the lower courts to review the maintenance agreement if your financial position change. Think family court? Also recall that a certain time period needs to pass before you can review the maintenance amount.

 

As an aside, my ex-buddy quite cynically was able to reduce his maintenance (determined by the high court) by sweet talking the lower court judge despite his financial position not materially changing. I think the system can very much be played if you want to.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Another question I have regarding maintenance for one's child.

 

If circumstances have changed considerably in regard to one's spouses salary used in the calculation of the % of who pays for what as well as the child now being 18 and earning a salary.

 

How do you go about re-negotiating the payment terms that are in the court papers if it was done through a mediator. 

 

P.S:  The payment term was set up to expire when he reaches 21

 

Without the specifics, it is hard to answer, but here is my 2cents:

 

If your financial position has changed, i.e. your earnings have dropped, you can approach a court to pay less. Take note that your ex can now claim money's from your immediate family if she so chooses. If you can't pay that is.

 

If her circumstances have changed then i am not sure. Ultimately you are paying for the childs living expenses so even if her salary doubles you still need to pay your fair share so I can't see any court saying you could pay less because she has suddenly started earning more money

Edited January 29, 2019 by Steven Knoetze (sk27)

[New Landy new life]

I just felt that I had been given a much higher burden to bear than my ex due to her much lower earnings at the time we were divorced.

 

She is now working more (i.e. normal) hours as a permanent employee and I thought it fair that she carries the load accordingly instead of me bearing the 75% of his expenses.

 

I also hear rumor that she is giving up her flat that I pay toward rent to move in with her boyfriend together with my son. 

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

I just felt that I had been given a much higher burden to bear than my ex due to her much lower earnings at the time we were divorced.

 

She is now working more (i.e. normal) hours as a permanent employee and I thought it fair that she carries the load accordingly instead of me bearing the 75% of his expenses.

 

I also hear rumor that she is giving up her flat that I pay toward rent to move in with her boyfriend together with my son. 

 

Then I would say you have a case for trying to get it more proportional.

Just remember, wrt her flat, she is the primary caregiver and so needs to provide housing for your son. So where she stays or who with is unfortunately not taken into the equation. She can simply get statements of the expenses in the house she is moving to, say she is also contributing to these. i.e. he pays the bond and she pays the utilities, etc. 

[SURFER]

I just felt that I had been given a much higher burden to bear than my ex due to her much lower earnings at the time we were divorced.

 

She is now working more (i.e. normal) hours as a permanent employee and I thought it fair that she carries the load accordingly instead of me bearing the 75% of his expenses.

 

I also hear rumor that she is giving up her flat that I pay toward rent to move in with her boyfriend together with my son. 

 

Was the % you both are contributing based on what you were earning at the time?

 

If yes, maybe you got a case

 

I am not an expert

[sawystertrance]

"Take note that your ex can now claim money's from your immediate family if she so chooses. If you can't pay that is."

 

Whaaaat! My brother is busy getting divorced. and is broke. 

Are you sure about this? Time to plan.