I have an idea for a new thread...

[Patchelicious]

less hubbing more moving!!

 

Just joking, good luck, moving sucks. Hope you get to sit in your new place tonight with a tall, ice cold G&T, well any adult beverage of choice will suffice.

I wish man! The people I bought the house from weren't able to move into their house today. They are really old and I felt bad for them, so I said they can stay there till next weekend

 

So I just moved my stuff into storage for the time being, will move it into the new place next weekend. But I will be doing some Gintervals this evening!!

[Warren_G]

[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Eddy Gordo]

Mr Smith was an older man with a young wife. They were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. 

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.

"In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"

"It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

[Eddy Gordo]

http://forums.mtbr.com/attachments/fifty-years-old/1147774d1500727492t-50-joke-thread-19113535_1773074802708865_3545465693550984486_n.jpg

[Shebeen]

[Hairy]

I have seen that somewhere between Kroonstad and JHB ..... just a mad mass of people descending on the truck and taking what they can carry ... including kids carrying away goods.

 

One of our commuters said he saw a refrigerated truck with chickens in that had set alight...the firemen were rolling up their hoses, and people were pulling and taking charred chickens out of the rubble with "goey" stuff from the insulation and plastic dripping off ... 

[Shebeen]

FACTS OF THE DAY

Today in 1834 slavery is abolished in the Cape Colony.

 

 

Humans are the only mammals that develop breasts that are permanently enlarged.

 

 

http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/PGA+Championship+Previews+1-BNvTCRWhgl.jpg

 

[Lurch the stalker]

 

 

I have seen that somewhere between Kroonstad and JHB ..... just a mad mass of people descending on the truck and taking what they can carry ... including kids carrying away goods.

 

One of our commuters said he saw a refrigerated truck with chickens in that had set alight...the firemen were rolling up their hoses, and people were pulling and taking charred chickens out of the rubble with "goey" stuff from the insulation and plastic dripping off ... 

Coincidentally we were talking about this in the office this morning and one of the guys said he said his sister's office is next to a petrol station and she told him about the one day there was some problem and petrol was flowing down the road and people were scooping it up.

I'd like to see what happened with that contaminated fuel...

[Hairy]

Coincidentally we were talking about this in the office this morning and one of the guys said he said his sister's office is next to a petrol station and she told him about the one day there was some problem and petrol was flowing down the road and people were scooping it up.

I'd like to see what happened with that contaminated fuel...

and collecting while smoking?

[Lurch the stalker]

and collecting while smoking?

I am now just picturing Zoolander where those guys died in a freak gasoline fight accident...

[Eddy Gordo]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…

"Try doing it with the engine running."

[Hairy]

I am now just picturing Zoolander where those guys died in a freak gasoline fight accident...

[MTBeer]

 

FACTS OF THE DAY

Today in 1834 slavery is abolished in the Cape Colony.

 

 

Humans are the only mammals that develop breasts that are permanently enlarged.

 

 

http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/PGA+Championship+Previews+1-BNvTCRWhgl.jpg

 

 

Spaz rider?

[Bateleur1]

Spaz rider?

 

No Makro rider 

[Eddy Gordo]

http://forums.mtbr.com/attachments/fifty-years-old/1082500d1468729883-50-joke-thread-13658917_10154046867376773_8061393004633919874_n.jpg

[Eddy Gordo]

Great Quotes of A Sexual Nature By Famous Folks


"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 560SL." *Lynn Lavner

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." *George Burns 

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." *Sharon Stone

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." *Jack Nicholson" 

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." * Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." * Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place" *Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." *Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" *Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !" *Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." *Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." *Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." * Steve Martin

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." * Elmo Phillips

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." *Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." *George Burns