Advice on Divorce

[Lotus]

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?

Or maybe even connect with Saffers in NZ (I believe there are one or two there) who want to get funds to SA for family here.

 

Split the difference on the exchange rate (that's where you get royally shafted by the banks) and save on fees.

 

We do that with family in the UK and it works well.

[Stretch]

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

 

SA account sounds like a good idea, why should it be your problem when she wanted to move......

[IceCreamMan]

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

 

It can be for sure. But it might be cheaper than his current rates. We don't know.

 

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

[Skubarra]

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

My observation, agreement will never cover every detail. Inevitably she will also incur expenses re the kids not explicitly covered by the agreement. What is the OP's expectation on how she will handle those? If you get sticky on relative small issues now you probably will find the favour being returned down the line. Maybe a good idea to just discuss the issue with her first before taking action?

[Kranswurm]

It can be for sure. But it might be cheaper than his current rates. We don't know.

 

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

Pretty much cut and dried

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

My observation, agreement will never cover every detail. Inevitably she will also incur expenses re the kids not explicitly covered by the agreement. What is the OP's expectation on how she will handle those? If you get sticky on relative small issues now you probably will find the favour being returned down the line. Maybe a good idea to just discuss the issue with her first before taking action?

 

100% agredd, at the time of compiling these agreements I find a lot of compromises being made, or details missed, in an attempt to just finalize things as quickly as possible.

There are always little issues further down the line.

My advise would be triple check everything and do not rush the process.

[gemmerbal]

get in touch with Louw Inc. in Somerset West. or there's always Werner Bock, I hear he is a real terrier...

 

 

Mine still going. My lawyer was delaying the case racking up fees all the way so had to change as she refused to even advise me properly. This delay might see me taking a hit with regards to costs as ex now wants to goto high court for a Rule 58.

I am so deep into a hole its not funny and there no court date or settlement hopes as yet. New lawyer will likely get back to me this week.

On a positive note my daughter turns 2 on Saturday and she loved her bicycle when we had her party over weekend! Sometimes the silver lining is right in front of you.

[gemmerbal]

Still happily single! The only stress I have in life is which parts I want to buy next or what bike I want to buy next... Oh, and the small matter of my one rottie nearing the end of her life span with cancer helping to speed it up. Otherwise, I'm happy as a pig in excrement.

 

I vote for the SA bank account option. It shouldn't be your problem how the money reaches her wallet. But at the end of the day it all comes down to what was agreed to, that's pretty much where one has to make sure you negotiate properly. I worked with a guy who was getting paid in ZARS, was living in Nairobi and was paying his ex living in London. Needless to say he got shagged properly by all the exchange rates - iirc his agreement with his ex was for a set amount of pounds sterling... which you can imagine must be a real pain in the hind quarters. Properly negotiating at settlement is just so important, and that's where a decent attorney is worth their weight in gold I reckon.

 

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

Edited December 6, 2019 by gemmerbal

[Honkdonk]

She has closed her FNB acc, so again, not my problem. The agreement makes no reference to the small print that would constitute bank charges.

I have raised it with her and she is consulting with her lawyer.

[Amberdrake]

get in touch with Louw Inc. in Somerset West. or there's always Werner Bock, I hear he is a real terrier...

Saw  a advocate week ago from Caledon Street Chambers contact via my mother that used to work for his father. Will have to see how that goes first as he has information now. I honestly just want it to end without me completely bankrupt and screwed.

 

Ex just isn't playing ball and previous lawyer did not once file for court date after instructing her to do so at start (11months). As a result ex is demanding money for interim and i have to maintain house (never did this while was together). Some days I am sure insanity is creeping up on me, others i'm fine and am happy and relaxed waiting it out. In end this whole story might cost me my daughter as mom is hedging her bets to make it look like Daughter is more dependent on her. Its unlikely going to change custody that much with social worker but in court anything goes.

I havn't ridden seriously since start due to limitations in accessing my gear and i'm seriously missing it. Now I have time but situation is so hostile I am visiting friends most of time I have free.

[gemmerbal]

hang in there buddie, myself and most dudes/dudettes here share your pain!

 

cool that you found someone else to take matters further and try and get it sorted. its amazing that some people enjoy dragging such an unfortunate event in life out as much as possible, when it can be done and dusted in as short a time as 2 months (mine was). press your lawyer, dont let up, and make sure you send all instructions via email, for your own record keeping. some divorce lawyers will stretch this procedure out as much as possible for their own financial gain, I think thats what happened with your first lawyer. if it was me I would consider reporting her, there has to be an avenue to do so if you can prove she was not following your instructions - this would piss me off as well.

 

all you want to do when arriving at that point in life where divorce is the only option going forward, is to have the process run its course in a short a time as possible and with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. sadly that doesn't always happen, and that is where you are tested as an individual.

 

I certainly went there, into the darkness... you feel embarrassed, angry, sad, disappointed and at the end relief. You will know who/what your support structure is, and make use of it. If you can manage to make peace with yourself when all is said and done, you will come out a better person, trust me.

 

Strongs buddie, if it helps, I celebrated 6 years of being a divorcee on December 6th. I've never been happier - apart from work stress, which is usual being in the construction environment! Not having to answer to someone is bliss. Not having to constantly explain why this and why that, is peacefull. I don't miss that part. If I feel the need for human conversation, I go on a ride with my buddies. And because I've stopped being bitter about life, people invite you over more often because you dont carry that negativity on your face.

 

In the end, just keep 'riding'. For your own sake.

 

Peace.

Saw  a advocate week ago from Caledon Street Chambers contact via my mother that used to work for his father. Will have to see how that goes first as he has information now. I honestly just want it to end without me completely bankrupt and screwed.

 

Ex just isn't playing ball and previous lawyer did not once file for court date after instructing her to do so at start (11months). As a result ex is demanding money for interim and i have to maintain house (never did this while was together). Some days I am sure insanity is creeping up on me, others i'm fine and am happy and relaxed waiting it out. In end this whole story might cost me my daughter as mom is hedging her bets to make it look like Daughter is more dependent on her. Its unlikely going to change custody that much with social worker but in court anything goes.

I havn't ridden seriously since start due to limitations in accessing my gear and i'm seriously missing it. Now I have time but situation is so hostile I am visiting friends most of time I have free.

[Amberdrake]

O completely the old lawyer was not playing ball, I have the emails and proof but from every indication i get everywhere the reporting will get nothing done. In end its school fees, seems like we will be running into next year as the lawyer informed me that offices is closing and very unlikely to get anything done with courts over silly season regardless. Honestly worst part of this situation is that unknown. The situation has played into her hands perfectly, some days it takes lot of will power to not just get in car and never come back.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Amberdrake

[Guest]

Posted this before. It helps put things in perspective

[gemmerbal]

yes, it is the unknown that messes with everything up. you have a great NY resolution: get the divorce finalised in the first quarter!

 

 

O completely the old lawyer was not playing ball, I have the emails and proof but from every indication i get everywhere the reporting will get nothing done. In end its school fees, seems like we will be running into next year as the lawyer informed me that offices is closing and very unlikely to get anything done with courts over silly season regardless. Honestly worst part of this situation is that unknown. The situation has played into her hands perfectly, some days it takes lot of will power to not just get in car and never come back.

Edited December 11, 2019 by gemmerbal

[Amberdrake]

lol its ironic that it would have been a year by time it comes to lawyer back in office. Thursday night I am gonna check out bicycles I think, need a wash and service and go!!!!!!!!!!!!