Advice on Divorce

[Bonus]

Sometimes ignoring them just makes them worse.....

Edited July 30, 2019 by Bonus

[Amberdrake]

So I figure its time for a update, I hope everyone else is keeping well and things have gone well.

For myself its been a rocky time, Ex is dragging her heels and current living situation is not gonna work forever(staying with my sister and we have a hate hate love relationship most of the time).

So latest is lawyers wanted to sit round table and settle, Ex decided that she doesn't want to do that now only in OCT. This has forced us to file for a court date to get conclusion as it does not seem she is really interested in negotiating.

 

O yes in her counter claim she wanted me to pay everything for daughter (school,daycare,clothing,sports,holidays and medical) and give maintenance. We have daughter 50% of time each and don't earn nearly such extravagantly different salaries. (I claimed split it all half way).

Given  we both claimed low and high respectively but hers is just a little wow.

 

So now I wait for court date and go from there, if she settles before court might be over soon but we shall see what happens.

For most part I soldier on wards and hope life shows a light at the end of tunnel.

I started playing some Tabletop RPGs at local club and been running again, riding once in while, so in general life is getting back on track!

 

On a side note my DAD is trying to rope me into doing Ironman again.... 

[Gen]

So I figure its time for a update, I hope everyone else is keeping well and things have gone well.

For myself its been a rocky time, Ex is dragging her heels and current living situation is not gonna work forever(staying with my sister and we have a hate hate love relationship most of the time).

So latest is lawyers wanted to sit round table and settle, Ex decided that she doesn't want to do that now only in OCT. This has forced us to file for a court date to get conclusion as it does not seem she is really interested in negotiating.

 

O yes in her counter claim she wanted me to pay everything for daughter (school,daycare,clothing,sports,holidays and medical) and give maintenance. We have daughter 50% of time each and don't earn nearly such extravagantly different salaries. (I claimed split it all half way).

Given  we both claimed low and high respectively but hers is just a little wow.

 

So now I wait for court date and go from there, if she settles before court might be over soon but we shall see what happens.

For most part I soldier on wards and hope life shows a light at the end of tunnel.

I started playing some Tabletop RPGs at local club and been running again, riding once in while, so in general life is getting back on track!

 

On a side note my DAD is trying to rope me into doing Ironman again.... 

how much did you cover while you were still together.

 

Also holidays... surely it makes more sense that you cover holidays when your daughter is with you on holiday and she covers holiday expenses when your daughter is with her on holiday?

Edited August 13, 2019 by Gen

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

how much did you cover while you were still together.

 

Also holidays... surely it makes more sense that you cover holidays when your daughter is with you on holiday and she covers holiday expenses when your daughter is with her on holiday?

And ito law, from what's been explained to me, is that the split needs to be equitable and appropriate. If it's shared custody (50/50 proper) then that "you pay everything" is not equitable or fair at all. 

[Gen]

And ito law, from what's been explained to me, is that the split needs to be equitable and appropriate. If it's shared custody (50/50 proper) then that "you pay everything" is not equitable or fair at all. 

ja nee seems like a outrages demand that, if she expects 100% then surely he should demand full custody?

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

ja nee seems like a outrages demand that, if she expects 100% then surely he should demand full custody?

nah the only way she'll get 100% is if she demands and gets full custody. 

[Amberdrake]

I am fully expecting ill pay larger portion but not all of it. We have been to social worker to work out the schedule, as is we share custody 50% and social worker made it clear no amount of badgering is gonna change that unless something major happens (ie someone is negligent in extreme).

[Red Robin]

I am fully expecting ill pay larger portion but not all of it. We have been to social worker to work out the schedule, as is we share custody 50% and social worker made it clear no amount of badgering is gonna change that unless something major happens (ie someone is negligent in extreme).

 

The social worker can make  recommendations but only the judge can actually decide and one would hope they take the recommendation into consideration. 

Sorry not being alarmist and I really hope this is not the norm but a colleague was recently in a custody battle where the recommendation was not taken by the judge.

[Amberdrake]

I highly doubt that any Judge is gonna give her full custody considering she only asked for shared same as me.

[Red Robin]

I highly doubt that any Judge is gonna give her full custody considering she only asked for shared same as me.

 

Ok. Totally different scenario to my colleague then.

Glad you don't have to fight that aspect then.   

[New Landy new life]

So after a string of mails I decided that it was time to make peace with the Ex by just picking up the phone and calling her rather. She was very teary for some reason but we decided not to argue any longer and just make peace for the sake of the kids and ourselves. I explained how she had badly affected me for a year and my self esteem and she understood why I just cut her off completely.

It looks for now going forward we have reached some peace between us.

[Lotus]

My divorce was finalised yesterday. It was straightforward and uncontested with no minor children involved.

 

The DIY process took a few weeks from start to finish involving 4 visits to the divorce court office at the Magistrate's Court to get documents, complete and return, copy and take to Sheriff, collect from Sheriff back to court, then the appearance.

 

Total cost was R400 (Sheriff fees) and photocopies at Postnet.

 

Overall the process is very smooth and the officials were helpful.

[gemmerbal]

awesome, these messy divorces look exhausting and completely demoralizing. mine was clean too.

 

take the day off and party it up, your life starts now!

 

 

My divorce was finalised yesterday. It was straightforward and uncontested with no minor children involved.

 

The DIY process took a few weeks from start to finish involving 4 visits to the divorce court office at the Magistrate's Court to get documents, complete and return, copy and take to Sheriff, collect from Sheriff back to court, then the appearance.

 

Total cost was R400 (Sheriff fees) and photocopies at Postnet.

 

Overall the process is very smooth and the officials were helpful.

[Patensie]

Mine is turning out to be messy. She has unreasonable financial expectations and mediation failed. Lawyers are involved and she doesn't understand that their costs are not paid by me, but effectively comes out of her own pocket well for the accrual just get smaller and smaller with each letter and consultation.

 

At least we don't fight about the kids.

 

Gemmer, you're right:it is truly exhausting and demoralising.

[gemmerbal]

yes Patensie. but I will say this to you and the ex: not fighting over the kids is commendable. dont involve them, its THE best thing you can do in this situation. [my parents divorced when i was 6, they maintained a healthy relationship till the day my dad passed away, which funny enough was 2 weeks after my divorce was enacted, i dont think he died knowing i followed in his footsteps, either way, just saying]

 

and secondly, theres nothing worse than exes out to cripple you financially for their own selfish reasons. hate seeing that, really!

 

Mine is turning out to be messy. She has unreasonable financial expectations and mediation failed. Lawyers are involved and she doesn't understand that their costs are not paid by me, but effectively comes out of her own pocket well for the accrual just get smaller and smaller with each letter and consultation.

 

At least we don't fight about the kids.

 

Gemmer, you're right:it is truly exhausting and demoralising.

[IceCreamMan]

awesome, these messy divorces look exhausting and completely demoralizing. mine was clean too.

 

take the day off and party it up, your life starts now!

 

I think take the time to mourn and expect the Post divorce blues. Deal with them and then party it up.

 

but hey, that's me and my experience. YMMV .