Advice on Divorce

[gemmerbal]

jip, did that in abundance. people say im crazy, but if it wasnt for my 2 fur kids, i probably wouldnt have made it. the 2 of them, my Uncle John Daniels and the 4 Horsemen. kind of sums me up in once sentence, right there.

I think take the time to mourn and expect the Post divorce blues. Deal with them and then party it up.

 

but hey, that's me and my experience. YMMV .

[gemmerbal]

some of the divorce stories you hear kind of makes you think this would be appropriate...

 

i have a family member dealing with some of the worst sh!t imaginable from their new partners ex - kids being used in the process and the legal system just somehow entertains all of the ex's bs - false accusations of abuse etc etc. its absolutely crazy to what lengths narcissistic people will go to try and achieve whatever it is they are trying to achieve. had me a couple of crazies after my divorce and i can honestly say i am VERY happy being single, 4 years and going strong I havent had a complaint at home since 2015... haha 

 

https://www.businessinsider.co.za/man-accused-of-trying-to-airstrike-girlfriends-house-with-drone-2019-9

[Honkdonk]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

[DJR]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

..........

Still happily married, but.......

 

Wife recently had an operation and I had to do the shopping, cooking and chores for that time........ I'm so hoping she gets well quickly........and from now on I'm regularly buying her flowers and plan to put my best foot forward because doing that all the time will kill me......

[MTBeer]

Still happily married, but.......

 

Wife recently had an operation and I had to do the shopping, cooking and chores for that time........ I'm so hoping she gets well quickly........and from now on I'm regularly buying her flowers and plan to put my best foot forward because doing that all the time will kill me......

how did you get away with not doing that until now?

[DJR]

how did you get away with not doing that until now?

I don't. I do my bit, which, I suppose, is one of the reasons she put up with me and my habit of filling the house with bicycles. But taking care of ALL of the seemingly mundane, and working a normal day, REALLY takes some doing! Respect to people who do it alone all the time.

Edited December 4, 2019 by DJR

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

 

I would say that is fair but it would depend on any signed agreement you may have.

I would discuss it with her and then suggest short payment, so you keep the fee's back. She may see as it a breach of the agreement and start holding back access to the kids........

[Amberdrake]

Mine still going. My lawyer was delaying the case racking up fees all the way so had to change as she refused to even advise me properly. This delay might see me taking a hit with regards to costs as ex now wants to goto high court for a Rule 58.

I am so deep into a hole its not funny and there no court date or settlement hopes as yet. New lawyer will likely get back to me this week.

On a positive note my daughter turns 2 on Saturday and she loved her bicycle when we had her party over weekend! Sometimes the silver lining is right in front of you.

[IceCreamMan]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

 

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?

[Lotus]

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?

Or maybe even connect with Saffers in NZ (I believe there are one or two there) who want to get funds to SA for family here.

 

Split the difference on the exchange rate (that's where you get royally shafted by the banks) and save on fees.

 

We do that with family in the UK and it works well.

[Stretch]

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

 

SA account sounds like a good idea, why should it be your problem when she wanted to move......

[IceCreamMan]

PayPal is crazy expensive.

 

I would negotiate with her. Either use a company like incompass and do 3 or 4 transfers a year (their fees are very competitive). Otherwise I would pay into a SA account and make it her problem.

 

This is not a sustainable arrangement. You need to resolve this asap in my book

 

It can be for sure. But it might be cheaper than his current rates. We don't know.

 

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

[Skubarra]

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

My observation, agreement will never cover every detail. Inevitably she will also incur expenses re the kids not explicitly covered by the agreement. What is the OP's expectation on how she will handle those? If you get sticky on relative small issues now you probably will find the favour being returned down the line. Maybe a good idea to just discuss the issue with her first before taking action?

[Kranswurm]

It can be for sure. But it might be cheaper than his current rates. We don't know.

 

But agree, pay it into a ZA account and let her deal with it. Unless agreement states otherwise.

Pretty much cut and dried

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

My observation, agreement will never cover every detail. Inevitably she will also incur expenses re the kids not explicitly covered by the agreement. What is the OP's expectation on how she will handle those? If you get sticky on relative small issues now you probably will find the favour being returned down the line. Maybe a good idea to just discuss the issue with her first before taking action?

 

100% agredd, at the time of compiling these agreements I find a lot of compromises being made, or details missed, in an attempt to just finalize things as quickly as possible.

There are always little issues further down the line.

My advise would be triple check everything and do not rush the process.