Advice on Divorce

[gemmerbal]

get in touch with Louw Inc. in Somerset West. or there's always Werner Bock, I hear he is a real terrier...

 

 

Mine still going. My lawyer was delaying the case racking up fees all the way so had to change as she refused to even advise me properly. This delay might see me taking a hit with regards to costs as ex now wants to goto high court for a Rule 58.

I am so deep into a hole its not funny and there no court date or settlement hopes as yet. New lawyer will likely get back to me this week.

On a positive note my daughter turns 2 on Saturday and she loved her bicycle when we had her party over weekend! Sometimes the silver lining is right in front of you.

[gemmerbal]

Still happily single! The only stress I have in life is which parts I want to buy next or what bike I want to buy next... Oh, and the small matter of my one rottie nearing the end of her life span with cancer helping to speed it up. Otherwise, I'm happy as a pig in excrement.

 

I vote for the SA bank account option. It shouldn't be your problem how the money reaches her wallet. But at the end of the day it all comes down to what was agreed to, that's pretty much where one has to make sure you negotiate properly. I worked with a guy who was getting paid in ZARS, was living in Nairobi and was paying his ex living in London. Needless to say he got shagged properly by all the exchange rates - iirc his agreement with his ex was for a set amount of pounds sterling... which you can imagine must be a real pain in the hind quarters. Properly negotiating at settlement is just so important, and that's where a decent attorney is worth their weight in gold I reckon.

 

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

Edited December 6, 2019 by gemmerbal

[Honkdonk]

She has closed her FNB acc, so again, not my problem. The agreement makes no reference to the small print that would constitute bank charges.

I have raised it with her and she is consulting with her lawyer.

[Amberdrake]

get in touch with Louw Inc. in Somerset West. or there's always Werner Bock, I hear he is a real terrier...

Saw  a advocate week ago from Caledon Street Chambers contact via my mother that used to work for his father. Will have to see how that goes first as he has information now. I honestly just want it to end without me completely bankrupt and screwed.

 

Ex just isn't playing ball and previous lawyer did not once file for court date after instructing her to do so at start (11months). As a result ex is demanding money for interim and i have to maintain house (never did this while was together). Some days I am sure insanity is creeping up on me, others i'm fine and am happy and relaxed waiting it out. In end this whole story might cost me my daughter as mom is hedging her bets to make it look like Daughter is more dependent on her. Its unlikely going to change custody that much with social worker but in court anything goes.

I havn't ridden seriously since start due to limitations in accessing my gear and i'm seriously missing it. Now I have time but situation is so hostile I am visiting friends most of time I have free.

[gemmerbal]

hang in there buddie, myself and most dudes/dudettes here share your pain!

 

cool that you found someone else to take matters further and try and get it sorted. its amazing that some people enjoy dragging such an unfortunate event in life out as much as possible, when it can be done and dusted in as short a time as 2 months (mine was). press your lawyer, dont let up, and make sure you send all instructions via email, for your own record keeping. some divorce lawyers will stretch this procedure out as much as possible for their own financial gain, I think thats what happened with your first lawyer. if it was me I would consider reporting her, there has to be an avenue to do so if you can prove she was not following your instructions - this would piss me off as well.

 

all you want to do when arriving at that point in life where divorce is the only option going forward, is to have the process run its course in a short a time as possible and with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. sadly that doesn't always happen, and that is where you are tested as an individual.

 

I certainly went there, into the darkness... you feel embarrassed, angry, sad, disappointed and at the end relief. You will know who/what your support structure is, and make use of it. If you can manage to make peace with yourself when all is said and done, you will come out a better person, trust me.

 

Strongs buddie, if it helps, I celebrated 6 years of being a divorcee on December 6th. I've never been happier - apart from work stress, which is usual being in the construction environment! Not having to answer to someone is bliss. Not having to constantly explain why this and why that, is peacefull. I don't miss that part. If I feel the need for human conversation, I go on a ride with my buddies. And because I've stopped being bitter about life, people invite you over more often because you dont carry that negativity on your face.

 

In the end, just keep 'riding'. For your own sake.

 

Peace.

Saw  a advocate week ago from Caledon Street Chambers contact via my mother that used to work for his father. Will have to see how that goes first as he has information now. I honestly just want it to end without me completely bankrupt and screwed.

 

Ex just isn't playing ball and previous lawyer did not once file for court date after instructing her to do so at start (11months). As a result ex is demanding money for interim and i have to maintain house (never did this while was together). Some days I am sure insanity is creeping up on me, others i'm fine and am happy and relaxed waiting it out. In end this whole story might cost me my daughter as mom is hedging her bets to make it look like Daughter is more dependent on her. Its unlikely going to change custody that much with social worker but in court anything goes.

I havn't ridden seriously since start due to limitations in accessing my gear and i'm seriously missing it. Now I have time but situation is so hostile I am visiting friends most of time I have free.

[Amberdrake]

O completely the old lawyer was not playing ball, I have the emails and proof but from every indication i get everywhere the reporting will get nothing done. In end its school fees, seems like we will be running into next year as the lawyer informed me that offices is closing and very unlikely to get anything done with courts over silly season regardless. Honestly worst part of this situation is that unknown. The situation has played into her hands perfectly, some days it takes lot of will power to not just get in car and never come back.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Amberdrake

[Guest]

Posted this before. It helps put things in perspective

[gemmerbal]

yes, it is the unknown that messes with everything up. you have a great NY resolution: get the divorce finalised in the first quarter!

 

 

O completely the old lawyer was not playing ball, I have the emails and proof but from every indication i get everywhere the reporting will get nothing done. In end its school fees, seems like we will be running into next year as the lawyer informed me that offices is closing and very unlikely to get anything done with courts over silly season regardless. Honestly worst part of this situation is that unknown. The situation has played into her hands perfectly, some days it takes lot of will power to not just get in car and never come back.

Edited December 11, 2019 by gemmerbal

[Amberdrake]

lol its ironic that it would have been a year by time it comes to lawyer back in office. Thursday night I am gonna check out bicycles I think, need a wash and service and go!!!!!!!!!!!!

[New Landy new life]

For me, things have turned out well.
Have been together with my special person for almost a year already, my kids both love her and her two children who are similar age.
My daughter is back from the USA and her and my son both live together in the duplex my ex bought with my pension payout while she lives with her boyfriend.
I still have my freedom to do what I want and have a companion to share life. She even took up trail running so she could come support when  I do triathlons.
Life is good.

Edited December 17, 2019 by New Landy - new life

[gemmerbal]

It goes to show, there is hope even when the light at the end of the tunnel often times look more like that of an approaching train!

 

Awesome inspiration for those struggling to stay positive. Lekker!

 

 

For me, things have turned out well.
Have been together with my special person for almost a year already, my kids both love her and her two children who are similar age.
My daughter is back from the USA and her and my son both live together in the duplex my ex bought with my pension payout while she lives with her boyfriend.
I still have my freedom to do what I want and have a companion to share life. She even took up trail running so she could come support when when I do triathlons.
Life is good.

[Slowbee]

Hope you are all hanging in there guys.

 

Will be thinking of you guys (and gals) over the next few days. Just hang in there and chin up.

[The Bull Shark]

Hope you are all hanging in there guys.

 

Will be thinking of you guys (and gals) over the next few days. Just hang in there and chin up.

 

I know how crap it is to be alone on Christmas. Have been there a few times. Everybody is at their families and everything is closed.

 

Strongs to those alone.

[Amberdrake]

Im very fortunate I have lots of family and friends around this year.

I am actually quite enjoying myself with the little ones gifts and Christmas experience.

Really just making the most of the season!

Thinking of everyone and hoping its going well! May it be a great time for everyone!

[gemmerbal]

Here's hoping everyone survived silly season, ie the festive season and for those separated parents, the start of the school year.

 

Let's get some positive vibes going, I feel a bit nostalgic, maybe its the wisdom of another year on this planet being celebrated today that is inspiring me to pen some thoughts to my brothers in arms...

 

I'm 41 today and have never been happier, well except 2 years ago when my fixed term contract ended prematurely and I was paid out the balance, thus leaving me sitting at home being paid for a while to do nothing... (false sense of happiness I know, but I'm sure you guys get what I mean)

 

Anyways, been about 3 years since the last relationship, and I'm not sorry 1 day for being single. Alone maybe, but definitely not lonely.

 

Bumped into my ex MIL on the weekend, first time I saw her since the divorce in 2013. I was close to my in-laws, they were never in favor of the divorce. My ex FIL and I had a great relationship, likewise MIL, but I never could justify to myself to stay in contact. I guess out of respect for my ex wife, and also in order to try and make a clean break and try and move on with my life. But I have missed them, specially my FIL. My own dad was not really a good example of a man, not that I didn't love him for who he was. He passed away 2 weeks after my divorce was enacted, I doubt he knew, the 2 of us were not in contact during that time, he was a selfish man, my FIL is very much a self-less man.

 

"Be that as it may"... the ex remarried about 2/3 years ago, had a kid and is living the good life. I bump into her once a year, we have a polite conversation and then go our merry way. Nothing more than that. Sometimes that part of my life seems like a movie I once watched, surreal I guess. But that's the way the cookie crumbles, so they say.

 

I'm very thankful for my 2 sisters and my mom. Specially my middle sister, we are very close, and I am enjoying the fact that I became an uncle for the first time on 28 Feb 2019. I try and be as involved as time permits with my BIL and my niece. My sister and I speak almost daily.

 

Anyhow, I was looking for a message, saw my conversation with Chainsaw and reread his kind words and felt inspired to write something.

 

Peace my bretheren, keep the rubber side down!

[Patensie]

...

 

I'm 41 today and have never been happier, well except 2 years ago when my fixed term contract ended prematurely and I was paid out the balance, thus leaving me sitting at home being paid for a while to do nothing... (false sense of happiness I know, but I'm sure you guys get what I mean)

 

...

 

Peace my bretheren, keep the rubber side down!

Happy birthday Gemmer!

 

Some good news from my side: Settlement agreement signed yesterday by soon-to-be ex. Now its is just waiting for the process to play out (summons, family advocate sign-off on family plan, court, pay the pound of flesh closest to the heart) and this sad chapter should end at the end of Feb.

 

Honestly, this is a bittersweet place, similar to the contrast of drinking double shot Americano without sugar or milk, while eating Snob's Coffee's (very sweet) cheese cake.