Advice on Divorce

[The expat cyclist]

So this is just an observation but I was wondering, how many people that are offering support here is also on the weightloss thread?

 

Some years ago, a long term relationshit I was in, ended. The relationshit wasn't great but it still hurt my feelings knowing that she has chosen someone else.

 

In the space of about 5 weeks, I dropped 16kg and eventually ended up with single digit bodyfat. I started taking care of my health, found a new job, relocated, bought a motorcycle...I started looking after myself...

 

What is it with relationshits and comfort zones?

[Honkdonk]

Pretty sure it is a skelem but at this stage I don't really care.

Suddenly noticed last year new fancy underwear in her cupboard and coming home at all hours of the morning "out with a friend".

It makes no difference to any settlements as I only am liable to maintain my son

Landy. Woman do all kids of crazy things in the immediate aftermath of a release/freedom/breakup/split or whatever you want to call it.

Mine was on Tinder in no time and was very quick to point out to me that she was a catch and a good one at that. Then at some point I needed to get something out of what was my old side of the bed side cab and found a pack of rubbers. It didn't grate me at all. I'd moved on,  years ago in my head, I didn't find her sexually attractive whatsoever anymore, the relationship was done. She was out to prove to her mates and which ever sad bastard fell pray to her stalkings. Turns out the guy who was there did a runner. Damaged goods with something to prove but its only ego.

As I have said before here - the dating game is the last thing on my mind currently. I worked on Ultra this last weekend and seeing the dancers up close and personal was enough for me

[Stretch]

Edit.. Removed comment

Edited February 13, 2018 by Stretch

[New Landy new life]

So this is just an observation but I was wondering, how many people that are offering support here is also on the weightloss thread?

 

Some years ago, a long term relationshit I was in, ended. The relationshit wasn't great but it still hurt my feelings knowing that she has chosen someone else.

 

In the space of about 5 weeks, I dropped 16kg and eventually ended up with single digit bodyfat. I started taking care of my health, found a new job, relocated, bought a motorcycle...I started looking after myself...

 

What is it with relationshits and comfort zones?

I have dropped from 72 to 65 kg in three months since this all started.  Firstly the hard physical graft in Nigeria for 3 weeks, sweating like a pig for 12 to 16 hours a day and then forced to make my own food when back at home, do choose more veggies and fruit but eat junk in the day as I am lazy/tired to make myself lunch in the am.

[Paul Ruinaard]

So this is just an observation but I was wondering, how many people that are offering support here is also on the weightloss thread?

 

Some years ago, a long term relationshit I was in, ended. The relationshit wasn't great but it still hurt my feelings knowing that she has chosen someone else.

 

In the space of about 5 weeks, I dropped 16kg and eventually ended up with single digit bodyfat. I started taking care of my health, found a new job, relocated, bought a motorcycle...I started looking after myself...

 

What is it with relationshits and comfort zones?

Best diet i ever went on was a divorce - i was so stressed and riding so hard that i was down by about 8kg. Don't underestimate the amount of stress and what it does to you ito eating...

[New Landy new life]

Landy. Woman do all kids of crazy things in the immediate aftermath of a release/freedom/breakup/split or whatever you want to call it.

Mine was on Tinder in no time and was very quick to point out to me that she was a catch and a good one at that. Then at some point I needed to get something out of what was my old side of the bed side cab and found a pack of rubbers. It didn't grate me at all. I'd moved on,  years ago in my head, I didn't find her sexually attractive whatsoever anymore, the relationship was done. She was out to prove to her mates and which ever sad bastard fell pray to her stalkings. Turns out the guy who was there did a runner. Damaged goods with something to prove but its only ego.

As I have said before here - the dating game is the last thing on my mind currently. I worked on Ultra this last weekend and seeing the dancers up close and personal was enough for me

So how long  has it been without being with the fairer sex. ?

 

I miss that part and the care they can give you so I would like to get back into that one day, not too far down the road.

It scares me where to start though.

 

I have a female friend from a past life who I have been having the odd dinner, picnic or beer with just to chat and I have made it clear that it is just a companionship arrangement and  she seems fine with it as she has been single for years and has a few guy friends as well.

[Paul Ruinaard]

Hmm - i went from a 5 bedroomed house to staying at a mates house to just get out of the toxic environment for a week. Humbling as he was happily married with family and his daughters thought i was great. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

 

On diet - divorce beats any diet.

 

On the financials - hold your ground but it's only money and you can make more. Sanity is worth more than money.

 

You will find later on that money has a great way of aligning - if it wasn't meant for you and you take it, you will normally lose it. Be fair, pay up for what you need to and draw lines in the sand. The original issue is not setting boundaries, or setting them and then agreeing to cross them. 

 

You are young - you can make more money. Time you can't get back. Get out cleanly and get on with the world and your life. Stop wasting time on the past, humpty dumpty isn't going to ever be put back together again after the fall.

 

I was lucky - my ex left me for another guy so felt guilty - she had a number in mind - i paid it and we were through the courts like greased lightning, but by that stage my mind was made up.

 

THere are other dates coming like the day it's all final - you will feel very alone on that day. Know that thousands have been there before. 12 years later its a distant memory as it will be for you some time in the future.

 

I cant reduce your pain - its part of your rites of passage, but i can tell you it will get better.....

 

 

[PhilipV]

Pretty sure it is a skelem but at this stage I don't really care.

Suddenly noticed last year new fancy underwear in her cupboard and coming home at all hours of the morning "out with a friend".

It makes no difference to any settlements as I only am liable to maintain my son

Well then her saying that she is going away to get away from your sad face is an outright lie. She isn't going away to get away from you, she is going away to get to someone else. Think deeply, how many other outright and thinly disguised lies has she been telling lately.

At the end of the day she'll need to live with herself and the damage she is causing or has caused.

You will meet someone special again, you will fall in love again, and you will live happily ever after. You just need to negotiate this bit of crap traffic in the highway of life.

[New Landy new life]

Yes I really hope so.  The lies have been all through the marriage but my kid's have both learned this from her and I know if they continue in that vane they will also come to grief later in life.  Truth like a bubble, always comes to the surface

[Honkdonk]

So how long  has it been without being with the fairer sex. ?

 

I miss that part and the care they can give you so I would like to get back into that one day, not too far down the road.

It scares me where to start though.

 

I have a female friend from a past life who I have been having the odd dinner, picnic or beer with just to chat and I have made it clear that it is just a companionship arrangement and  she seems fine with it as she has been single for years and has a few guy friends as well.

Going on 2 years.. I kid you not. At times I miss companionship and intimacy, but then there are times when I dont and totally enjoy my own company - coming home after a long day at work and cracking a cold beer and just kicking back in my own space with my own selection of music. Its going to take a lot before I get involved again. I guess its symptomatic of the smothering blanket I was living under that got the better of me.

The fairer sex are great company, make no mistake, and throughout my adult life I have enjoyed their company without the intimacy. No issues there.

Right now I need to get my act together with work - being retrenched and starting up my own Pty requires focus. For me and my kids sake

[New Landy new life]

Going on 2 years.. I kid you not. At times I miss companionship and intimacy, but then there are times when I dont and totally enjoy my own company - coming home after a long day at work and cracking a cold beer and just kicking back in my own space with my own selection of music. Its going to take a lot before I get involved again. I guess its symptomatic of the smothering blanket I was living under that got the better of me.

The fairer sex are great company, make no mistake, and throughout my adult life I have enjoyed their company without the intimacy. No issues there.

Right now I need to get my act together with work - being retrenched and starting up my own Pty requires focus. For me and my kids sake

Good luck Honkdonk

 

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[Amberdrake]

Good luck Honkdonk

[Mojoman]

Going on 2 years.. I kid you not. At times I miss companionship and intimacy, but then there are times when I dont and totally enjoy my own company - coming home after a long day at work and cracking a cold beer and just kicking back in my own space with my own selection of music. Its going to take a lot before I get involved again. I guess its symptomatic of the smothering blanket I was living under that got the better of me.

The fairer sex are great company, make no mistake, and throughout my adult life I have enjoyed their company without the intimacy. No issues there.

Right now I need to get my act together with work - being retrenched and starting up my own Pty requires focus. For me and my kids sake

Had two serious relationships in the last 20 years....one of 4 years and one of 15 odd years.

Thats 20 years of my life gone, no chance I will be doing it again. I fully enjoy being single. granted its a little harder financially but emotionally, I have no issue at all, being an only child I am very comfortable with being alone and find these days I very, very seldom recall the past with those two relationships...I have my dogs, my bikes and my sanity!

[Letum911]

Does anyone still have their sanity after yesterday?

 

@Mojoman and HonkDonk, I think it boils down to personal choice and circumstances.

 

After 27 years of marriage my folks got divorce August 2016. Both my parents moved on within 6 months and have new partners living with them since mid last year.

 

Whether it's right or healthy is not my place to judge, but I do think it's a situation of each to their own. I'm young, just turned 28, been in a relationship since high school and got engaged Sep last year. In all honesty, if we had to break up now. I would most likely stay single and become a regular on Tinder.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Had an absolute blast of a time last night with a good mate. Started off at the Tap Room for burgers and beer, then went to another mate's place for a bit of a kuier, then off to Tigers Milk in Kloof St, where our eyes were thoroughly entertained. Crawled into bed just after 12. 

 

Not looking for anything right now, but if something comes along I'd be a fool not to... 

[IceCreamMan]

Tag and release